I feel physically sick at how much grandparents spending on Christmas

Oh, ungrateful daughters/daughter-in-laws like you would get absolutely nothing from me. Better hadn’t be sniffing round their wills after years of rudeness and contempt- I would write you out, and it would serve you right. I will certainly have rules in my home for any future ILs, and respond accordingly. Need to learn some respect for your elders. My Great-Aunt has already written my utterly disrespectful SIL out if her will, she speaks like you lot on here, never a thank you for anything given to her kids. I am delighted!

I ask the parents. It's clothes, sports stuff they need this year. I do buy them a book each and one small toy . The plastic stuff can get out of hand

I’ve always wanted a sister! I’m claiming you. We can bond over all the shite in our homes we didn’t buy! 😂

My mum is riddled with trauma and is very much a victim, not a survivor and has huge narcissistic tendencies. Sometimes she’s absolutely amazing and the best mother ever but they are rare and fleeting moments, the majority of the time it’s making me feel guilt or shame. She’s also cut herself off from every single person in the world besides myself and my children. Her own cousins, she can’t maintain friendships etc, it’s just pure guilt I feel for not being delighted with endless crap that I don’t want. I love her but we have a massive trauma bond and she isn’t a healthy person in my life. Every single September I suggest just a few gifts etc and she makes me feel like I’m Scrooge depriving everyone of a wonderful Christmas despite the fact it just makes me anxious and guilted and over cluttered with absolute chaotic amounts of random stuff my kids aren’t interested in. 😭

Sending you love and solidarity also. I know the struggle 💐💐💐

edited to say early 70s, so maybe a generational thing. My friends parents were all younger as I had older parents and they cannot relate at all.

Agreed, something like an annual pass for Paultons Park would be lovely. Definitely far more preferable than all the plastic tat you are going to get from the B&M 2 for £20!

I always welcomed gifts of clothes and books and dressing up clothes always went down well. My youngest spent a year wearing a Spider-Man outfit with built in big muscles that my DM surprised him with.

It’s your mum so tell her it will mostly be going straight to charity if she insists on doing this. And follow through x

A really good post.
Thank them for their generosity. Don’t let that go unacknowledged. But do explain why you need to limit presents. Perhaps 3 per child. And ditto all above poster says.

My mum has a tendency of getting "something to open" and going a bit nuts with small things that aren't useful and have no purpose other than her wrapping them and me unwrapping them. For my birthday last year I had asked for money for new clothes as I'd not long had a baby and had been made redundant whilst pregnant and needed new clothes that fitted me but didn't have a lot expendable income. She turned up with a gift wrapped in a full roll of wrapping paper in some complex origami shape .... Inside plant in a ridiculous flashy light up box covered in plastic snow and it was dead within the week.

Before we had my eldest I was very clear with my parents and family. We will were very clear no plastic tat, preferably wooden, second hand is fine and if we don't want it and they buy it anyway it's staying at there house. The first year we did want, need, wear and read with them and they have loosely kept that going. My dad at first was put out by the idea of second hand stuff but quickly saw what was available and has picked up some great finds! They buy and large buy lovely things and the odd bit of plastic tat is fine there's definitely a good balance of things. My MIL on the other hand goes very far out of her way to not overburden us with things we have to encourage her to buy things she's seen and whilst it might not be things we would buy ourselves that exactly the role of the grandparents!

It's all about balance isn't it, there's a difference between 5 generic plastic presents and 50, spending £50 and £200. I think where possible nipping things in the bud before they come too much of a problem helps and getting others on side. My dad and one of my sisters help to reign in my mum unfortunately my other sister needs more reigning in and is prone to online shopping on a Friday night after a couple of glasses of wine.... They are thoughtful presents but with no appreciation of space and scale!! On the upside there are usually only a couple and on the balance of all the presents bought it's ok

I would have to say something. If they really feel it's important to spend that much they could at least give some of it in cash so the kids can put it in savings or spend it on something they actually want or need.

Talk to her. Tell her it's too much, they don't need a pile of gifts from grandma for the sake of having a pile of gifts from grandma (and that's what this is), and you'd like her to return most of it and focus on a couple of meaningful items that they'd actually like and enjoy and you have room for. IF she's determined to splash the cash, ask about a savings account for each of the grandchildren for their future big purchases, education, driving lessons etc that can be topped up at birthdays/Christmases.

If she won't reconsider, then tell her bluntly most of it will have to live at her house as you don't have room for that amount of 'stuff' and you will not be making room for it. And at least that will give them something to do at grandma's house when they visit...

If my parents buy something for my kids that I don’t want in my house (think ride-on electric car, electric guitar etc) I say thanks so much! BTW, it’s staying at your house

Tell your parents whatever they buy for kids they can keep at their own house for kids to play with when they visit.

For goodness sake, i would just be happy that the grandparents were still around to do this and if they want to spend their money buying their grandkids Christmas presents then why on earth would you want to destroy the joy of that for them just because you see it as a waste! They obviously find joy in it why would you want to take that from them, this way it then frees you up to possibly buy a bigger ticket item yourself since they'll have plenty from the grandparents. They won't be around for ever let them spend their money how they please and be thankful they care enough about your kids that they wish to do so.

Cutting the tags and tearing the packaging means they know exactly what they're doing and they don't care. They want their grandchildren to think that grandma/grandpa are 'the best' ... at your expense.

Tell them the items will be staying at their house where the grandchildren can visit them and 'the random stuff' if they won't stop this behaviour.

Do the presents sit under your tree or theirs? If yours, take them all to charity still wrapped before Xmas, except 1 or 2 each. It’s unbelievably petty of them to cut labels off to make donation more difficult.

My kids grandparents spend a lot too but most of it is money that goes into their savings accounts.
Time to be brutally honest. Mum most of that will be donated to charity so you are wasting your money.

We understand this fully from your perspective- and, for what it’s worth, I agree with you. However people generally don’t change just because we tell them to. I’d suggest getting curious. What is it about buying so many different presents that is so appealing to them ? How does it link to their own history with presents? etc etc Lead with curiosity.

Give them to charity for kids who aren’t as lucky to have GP’s with money to burn?

I hate waste of money when folk are on the streets. Tell her to get one decent present and give the rest of the money to Crisis at Christmas.

My in laws were incredibly generous like this and we were overwhelmed with toys at first. We had a conversation about it. They then shifted to one or two meaningful gifts and paid the balance into the kids’ child trust fund accounts. Both now have a good nest egg which is much more useful as young adults.

Can she just buy one expensive item each?? Not fill your house with a tonne of £20 plastic shite?

Oh my days. I bet it’s thrilling at your place on Christmas Day! Stop being so controlling. I’m sure ur children will love being ‘spoilt’ by their DGPs. Isn’t Christmas all about excess and indulgence just for a short while. You might love the colourless, wooden, Montessori type toy but I bet your kids don’t! And £250 isn’t a huge amount when you consider something like a Sizzling Kitchen or sit on bulldozer. I didn’t see the age of your children but honestly if they are buying from a list the children provided then the gifts will be enjoyed. So many items for my DC were played and loved and then handed on or given to playgroups etc. As for PP suggesting savings accounts they could well invest in those already. Let the DGPs and the DC enjoy a magical Christmas. They are only little for such a short time! You can teach them about recycling and all the other important sustainability stuff throughout the year. They can still enjoy themselves at Christmas. Stop being such a killjoy.

I really disagree with this, who has the space to store 40 or whatever presents from just one set of grandparents.

Is this what you do?

Toys bought by Grandma live at Grandma's. Give her the choice she returns them and gets something you OK for her to get or they all stay at her house. We have several toys that are not allowed in our house but live at Grandma's as she buys them. You need to set boundaries.