I feel physically sick at how much grandparents spending on Christmas

That's easy to say when you haven't been in this situation.

It's actually not fun for kids to be totally overwhelmed at Christmas, or when there is so many toys in the house there isn't enough space for them to play with them properly. When they have too much stuff they end up not playing with it at all, total waste.

Anyway OP, if you can't do anything about it this year (I think with my Mum I'd have to speak with her), then next year you know the budget so ask her early for something expensive to take up the majority of the budget, and a few ideas for smaller things. Or experiences.

Try to put half the toys in the loft ASAP and still boxed if you can manage it, either to be played with later or to donate/sell once they've forgotten about them.

I've sold a lot of duplicate/unwanted gifts, usually a year or two after receiving when I'm sure they won't be played with. They money has paid for some good experiences for this kids.

This is so depressing isn’t it? It’s such a selfish attitude to gift giving

I think this is the place you start from. Tell her straight out that if there’s a large number of physical gifts most of them will be regifted by February as you do not have the space or time to handle them.

There is a real generational issue around “stuff” that as a society we haven’t got a hold on.

I’d tell them no more than 3 presents and to put the rest in their ISAs. Give them the details and tell them how amazed they’ll be to have a lump sum for a car/house deposit when they’re older.

I do hope all the ultra controlling Mums on this thread are going to abide by every aspect of their own future grand parenting experience being completely dictated to by their own future militant DILs, I will laugh! 🍿

People generationally had manners and knew the correct response to graciously receiving any gift is to say ‘thank you’, teach your child to say ‘thank you’, and keep your ungrateful mouth shut.

My (lovely) MIL had form for this. Piles of random plastic toys that the kids didn’t want or need but if you suggested she spent half the money on one quality thing they wanted she wouldn’t do it. My MIL grew up pretty poor and was not well off when my DH was a child. She’s not well off now but a has some disposable income and I think her obsession with multiple gifts stems from this. I come from a much more middle class background and multiple gifts are not the norm. I spent years telling DH not to buy me more than one thing for birthdays and Christmas. Is there something like that driving all this OP? It stopped when the kids were teens and she didn’t feel as connected with their likes.

Yes, this! We had the same issue with my DH’s parents who are well-off and very generous, but when DC were tiny we were drowning under the volume of gifts. We asked if they could maybe put the money aside for the kid’s futures instead, and they saw our point and decided they’d like to buy our DC’s first cars. At the time it seemed so far in the distance to be discussing cars for our baby & toddler children, but time has flashed by, and they’re now 16 and 14 and will be getting a lovely surprise once they pass their tests!

I already have strict instructions on that score and nobody is even pregnant yet!

I will abide by their rules though.

My niece was the first girl born on her mums side for about 15yrs and one year her grandma bought so many gifts, she broke down crying as she was so fed up of unwrapping them. My DB told me she had around 80 all from her. Same at Easter she had a ungodly amount if Easter eggs so my SIL took them to a food bank.
It comes from a place of love but it feels like such a waste of money when you know they won't be played with.

I think you should tell her that you don't have space for so many toys and if she acts as planned she will need to keep most of them at her house to play with there. And say that one special big present makes them happier and you can suggest something they've been asking for . Perhaps she can swap or hasn't bought everything yet.
What on earth are people thinking of!

Ask them to spend £50 on toys/presents and then put £200 in a savings account for the child towards future expenses whether that’s days out, a weekend away with the family, driving lessons, school trips, college etc etc

Just tell her that the children will be swamped by so much landfill, ask for the 200 hundred to go into a savings account, and buy something useful with the remaining 50.

The drastic option may be a limited number or else your mum does not come to yours (or vice-versa) for Christmas Day, if that is the case.

I genuinely don't understand grandparents like this. We always ask what to get; specific presents, contributions to a big one (e.g. bike) or even money to buy a pass to Legoland or wherever. Even gift + money into savings account. It's selfish to clutter someone else's house with junk. Talk to her.

I do think there is a class / growing up in poverty aspect to all of this. My inlaws were not well-off growing up. Both came from larger families, MIL was the youngest of 4, FIL the middle of 5. There was not much cash in the household, hand-me-down clothing was the norm, they grew up sharing rooms and just not having either space or money for loads of stuff - and in the 50s and 60s there wasn't loads of stuff to buy. So now that there is an abundance of stuff they spend on as much as they possibly can because to them not being poor = having lots of stuff.

My parents were not well off growing up either but from a very different setup, rural not urban, each only had one sibling. Strong ethos on reusing and being frugal in all aspects of life. So now they are grandparents they are totally on board with vouchers and gifts for doing things rather than buying stuff.

DGS will be 3 on Boxing Day so he gets all his presents in one swoop. Just like his dad did, because his birthday is Christmas Eve! 🙄 We do spend quite a bit on him but we don’t buy tat, we buy things like Playmobil. And we’ve bought him a Britains toy tractor, which will last for years, instead of buying a £10 plastic one.

This used to drive me nuts when my kids were little. My additional issue, that kind of blended with it, is that I didn’t feel the GPs actually spent time with, or got to know my kids properly. So it’s piles and piles of junk wrapped in cheap, ugly paper, 95% of it not what they’re into or their age range. Lots of what I knew where ‘unmissable bargains’ or shite from TK Maxx. I know my mum. Markdowns are so irresistible, and the bigger the markdown, the bigger the dopamine rush for her. She’d buy my kids things like a huge set of books that were for teens when they were toddlers, or a load of flimsy, cheap Batman stuff, when they’d been obsessed with Spider-Man for two years. I’m exactly like you, OP, I’d feel sick at the volume, the waste, the thoughtlessness.

I’d try and say why don’t you get the slightly more pricey Spider-Man outfit they’re desperate for, and no other stuff? They’d rather have one thing they want, than 20 things they don’t? Nope. Needs to be volume. It’s all about the ridiculous piles.

The only saving grace was my kids were so overwhelmed with crap that they didn’t notice or care about most of it, and I made money back on eBay. I’d then put the money to something I know they’d love, but that didn’t take up space in my at the time tiny flat, like going to a theatre show or whatever.

My mum also does this. I've made it clear that any gifts need to stay at her house now.

Imagine if she put that amount of money in to a bank account for the children to give them at 21 ..
Buy a first car that would ..
But if she doesn't want to stop
She's doing it for herself..not for the children or you

Ditto. I simply can't get my head around grandparents who buy loads of 'stuff' that THEY think the children might like without the actual parents even being given a look in!

I know my DIL and DS don't have a lot of storage space and although it's my DGDs first Christmas I keep double checking with them what they might like or need because I don't want to add to either DILs mental load by asking her what I should buy or the amount of things they have to have room to store.

I'm going to give a small present and some money for her bank until she's old enough to really appreciate presents, and even THEN I'm going to take advice from her parents!

My DM is nowhere near as bad as this, but still has always had a tendency towards quantity over quality. Even when my siblings and I were growing up. It comes from a good place but I really wish she would just put that extra £50 each she spends on tat/unasked for things into their bank accounts or premium bonds or something like that. It would be hundreds of pounds each by now.

And yes, if I am ever a grandparent, I will buy/contribute to exactly what my children ask me to for their kids up to my budget.