I feel physically sick at how much grandparents spending on Christmas

If they want the gratification of seeing how happy the kids are, I would talk to her about how lovely it is she wants to create amazing memories for them and share the Christmas joy.

I would tell her honestly that you won’t be able to store that number of toys and most will have to be donated on boxing day, and ask that she return it but that you give her some ideas of things that will really delight the children - single bigger things like a bike or scooter they’ll get loads of use out of, especially if you also add accessories like helmets etc.

I think the key is to acknowledge she wants to have a lovely experience with the kids and she does want them to be delighted, but this isn’t a way you can let happen due to the waste and impact it’ll have on your home.

As a contrast, my PIL got our kids nothing when they were small (as they didn’t approve of children having a lot of gifts) and now if they do buy anything it’ll be completely inappropriate to their age or interests which actually offends the kids as it’s clear no care has gone into it.

I wouldn’t want a pile of tat for sure but it’s lovely she loves them.

You have all the control. They're your kids, it's your home. Tell people 'no.' and what you will accept.

I have a family member who used to do this for her own children and I am sure it was because she didn’t have a lot growing up. I saw one child get bored opening the presents which said it all. She is a wonderful and kind person whose DC are lovely adults so it didn’t do any harm but if she had put half the money in savings the DC would have had a nice windfall.

Wow! She is very generous but isn't taking on board your wishes. We have a few GCs but have a budget of around £50 per child. Some gifts may exceed that but then another maybe less - it averages out.
All the GCs have several GPs plus aunts and uncles which means they can end up with piles of presents some of which end up wasted as they are just not played with. Depending on the parents we buy what is asked for - very often one specific toy with the balance made up in clothes if necessary. The older ones often prefer cash or specific vouchers which they can spend as they choose.
As we frequently look after GCs, we have toys and games which they keep here at home which have been birthday/Christmas gifts - DDs house is full of toys and she is more than happy to move some out. DS simply says GD has too much and he is happy for her to have less.
At the end of the day - children love opening the gifts but have no idea of the cost of things - When I go shopping I see things which the shops describe as stocking fillers at £35 or whatever 😨which is ridiculous! It really isn't necessary - I'd rather see people and catch up with them over Christmas and play games all day with GCs which is more important than shedloads of gifts.

In my case I was not an “ultra controlling mum” I was a mum with two under five, working a very stressful hospital doctor job. With a MIL who overbought not just at Christmas but at birthdays and on every trip. My husband was hospitalised with severe depression and his parents came to visit. She offered to help me tidy the room that contained most of the toys “things seem to be getting on top of you”

So we tidied together, I had to point out that 80% of the stuff she had bought. She did reign it in a little after that. By the time the kids were tweens/teens they had realised not to mention things they liked to nan otherwise she would buy it in addition things she had already bought.

You need to have a serious conversation with her and just say no. Have you asked her how she would have liked it if her parents had done the same for you when you were a child, even if they could have afforded it? (Assuming they didn’t!)

I could well afford to spend that much on my young grandchildren but will not spend more than about £50 each - and I always ask their parents for suggestions. (If their parents couldn’t afford to buy them any big items they needed and wanted my help it might be different.)

It's pure selfishness. Your DM is thinking about herself and her own gratification, not the long-term good of the children or of you.

'Mum, I know you love buying the kids heaps of things but as you know we are struggling for space and storage and too much stuff is overwhelming. Anything you get beyond a couple of presents will have to stay at yours. I'm sure you'll be very happy with that as it means you will have the pleasure of seeing them play with the things you have carefully chosen for them'
And stick to your guns.

In this situation, I'd ask her to spend £50 on a present for each child and put £200 into their savings account.
Explain that it would probably buy them their first car.
Her level of financial illiteracy is astounding.

Could you point out to her that if she put £10 into a JSIPP invested in a global index fund for each of them every month until they were 18 she would set them up with amazing pensions?

The effect of compounding over time (and assuming they continued to add even a small amount like £100 per month themselves once they start working), would mean they would likely have hundreds of thousands by the time they reach retirement.

That £120 per child per year would still leave her with £130 per child to spend at Christmas so she would still get the instant gratification she craves.

I had this situation with my MIL and my DSC. My DH ended up gently confronting her about it and now she sends money or asks us what the DSC want. It’s so much easier this way. They’re 12 and 14 and she’d buy them loads of cheap landfill stuff! Now they get money and last year for example, my DSD bought new headphones and a Spotify subscription. Honestly you have to say something because it won’t get better.

I big toy and the rest in an ISA.

Get her to ask her friend what their older grandchildren appreciated. I bet it was a healthy cash pot when they reached 18.

That sounds ridiculous. That would stress me out too. I would tell her it’s too much and either get one or two big things or money for them. I would store it all in the attic and give it to a food bank next year. Honestly.

Tell her you don’t have room and most of it will have to live at hers for them to play with when they visit, even if you don’t visit , or they live 200 miles away, or you never visit. Then send most of it back with her . My mum bought my dd a massive sit in rocking pink unicorn one year , it lived at her house in her front room for several years , she slowed down !

My mum is the same. I have an adult child and toddler and she’s done it throughout my child’s life. She used to do it with me. Now it’s all SHEIN and Temu/tiktok shop things.
£100s on stuff that will be broken within days/lost etc and the environmental impact plus I have a small house with nowhere to put it. I have spent the majority of my life pleading/begging to have sensible amounts of gifts, small but cherished possessions and she can’t do it.
She is very poor and she sees quantity as something to be proud of. She just doesn’t have the capacity to do small amounts of wanted things. Breaks my heart and ruins my Christmas (so much stuff, just so much) and my birthdays are hell for me. She’ll buy me things I already own (like a hairdryer) but I own a decent one I love and she’ll buy me a £7 one from home bargains and wonder why I haven’t thrown my £60 hairdryer away. It’s so wasteful and just makes me miserable. I’d love when she’s gone to have one cherished item, a piece of jewellery (boho moon do necklaces for a tenner) or even just something I’d like. But I have nothing of sentimental value because she’d rather buy me 100s worth of bits from Temu. It’s sad and depressing but we have such a fractured relationship that it’s not worth saying a thing to her about. I’ve sent links/begged/cried and she just needs the gratification of buying things and it’s always been that way. Piles of things and rarely anything I want. I have a milestone birthday coming up next year and I’m dreading it. I think I just need to let it go but the waste is very upsetting.
Its even more upsetting how proud of herself she is for “doing so well” when we all have to thank her for clothes nobody likes, toiletries we all are allergic to (over fragranced non branded SHEIN) and just things nobody would ever choose.

Sorry to make this about me and merailing here OP, but sending solidarity and support.
I just hope my DC learn to gift with intent and not just an OTT amount of unwanted gifts.

OMG yet again on Mumsnet I’ve discovered I’m not alone in the way my mum is. What is this? Why the obsession with tat, despite the fact we’ve actually bitten the bullet and said out loud we do not want! My mum is late 60s, generational?

Not necessarily applying to everyone but my mother is also a narcissist, everything is about the visual one-hit wow moment, a (fake) thanks, and no thought is given to even five minutes down the line. Other people don’t really exist, they’re just an extension of her and what she wants to do. Present giving is an extension of my mum’s shopping addiction, not a beautiful moment to connect with the receiver!

Call me old fashioned but this materialistic OTT list of demands makes me feel pretty sick too.
The idea of spending all that money on stuff, some of which will be fripperies, just because of a date on the calendar is ridiculous.
My GC get one gift to the value of around £50 or the cash if there is nothing they want. Same with birthdays.
My AC and the GC are always very grateful.
Occasionally I will help towards something they need during the year.
Are we raising materialistic children?

I would tell your parents that you will be leaving most of the gifts at their house as you don’t have room for them.

I would have a word. Thank them for their generosity and you appreciate them spoiling the kids etc. however you’re worried about space so could they either keep the stuff at their house for the kids to enjoy there or if that won’t work you could provide them with a list of items you need for your place to make sure their gifts are being utilised.

As a grandmother I understand the temptation but luckily I loathe cheap tat. And I know how stressed my dd gets by a house too full of toys.
l run 99% of presents past the parents, if there isn’t a single big thing that is appropriate we give a book and smaller toy. Equally if my dd tells me that something is needed away from b’day or Christmas we will get it.
Your only option might be to ask them not to give masses of tat, to ask them for specific things and, if they ignore you have no guilt over donating the majority of the tat in January.

It’s highly unlikely that all the posters on this thread have straight sons or gay daughters, and OP is talking about her mother so I have no idea where in laws come into it.

But of course parents are controlling when their children are young, that’s called being a parent. If OP’s own parents don’t like it then they don’t have to give any presents at all. I’d rather none than 20.

It’s nice that they are generous but it’s such a shame the £250 isn’t spent in a membership to a day out place and a few toys or on a couple of really nice items such as bike etc.

My oldest was the first grandchild and nephew on both sides and my god I can relate to this. I was living in a 2 up 2 down cottage and his dad’s brother especially went to TOWN - he would take whatever girl he was lovebombing at the time to fucking Hamleys and show off his future fathering capacity by purchasing a good £500 worth of stuff for his baby nephew. Then grandparents on both sides would do the B&M, Tesco thing and top it all up again. Other than uncle, it was coming from a sweet place but I want to heave thinking about how much stuff he had - and barely played with.

it settled down but I managed it in a few ways - a wedge of it went away and reappeared on his birthday (he was young enough to get away with it), and when he started preschool and we got into the “bday party every other fkn weekend” I recycled unopened stuff as gifts.

i also used to batch stuff up as he grew out of stuff and sold it on FB marketplace and a bundle for £15-20 - bloody lifesaver when I was broke.

i didn’t flog special or sentimental stuff because I’m not a monster, but the dynamics at the time would have made issuing a cease and desist order really difficult. If that’s the same for you, stash as much as you want to away - in the loft if necessary - and treat it like a store for a surprise on a rainy day, some cash when you’re stuck, and birthday presents.

Much sympathy tho - it’s awful feeling like you’re under siege from boxes and boxes of plastic.

"We've been looking at Christmas presents for the kids. We already have X Y Z for them and would like A B or C for them too. I know that you'd mentioned you wanted to spend £xxx on presents. I was wondering - before I buy anymore, what you'd already bought. We dont expect you to spend so much on the kids although it's incredibly kind and generous of you to want to. I was wondering if you might want to put a portion of your budget for the kids in their own bank accounts or maybe get the A, B or C we were thinking of buying."

Hope it helps x

I feel for you OP.
my ex in laws were the same. Children completely overwhelmed, no where to put it all, half of it never got played with. I found leaving stuff at their house “for dc to play with when they visited” curbed it a bit.
In contrast, my grandparents would get my dc a small token gift, then put money in a savings account for them. DD is 16 now and is pleased she’s got a couple of thousand towards a car for when she starts to learn to drive.
Maybe suggest something like this instead?
or if they continue sell it on Vinted/marketplace. I used to save the money from selling it all and put it towards a holiday with the dc.

Oh tricky.

They're doing it because they get enjoyment out of it and want to make the kids happy.

But I'd hate so many toys in the house and would much prefer a couple of big ticket items.

I feel like they can buy what they please but I'd maybe do a suggestion for next Christmas next October !