Am I being unreasonable about being offended when people think men should sit at the head of the table?

With your diagrams I would have put two down either side and one at each end rather than squeeze MIL in next to someone. Assuming room fro chairs at each end

As a family of 4 we sit side by side. When my DM comes for tea I put DD at the 'head' as she's messy, wriggles and elbows everyone rather than have 3 down one side.

If in-laws come I put both my DC (DD and DS) at the end. I will not purposely put my DH or FIL at the end just because they're male

As for calling out MIL, if have sat her at the end if she wanted a 'head'

No, it represents the natural order of things.

It's weird of her, and obviously based on some sexist idea in her head; but how is that space any different from any other space around the table? Just because she somehow ascribes extra value to it, that doesn't make it any kind of 'thing' - any more than if you have a little child who insists on 'their special bowl', because it happens to be blue, with all the rest being the same bowl but in different colours, and blue is their favourite colour... which must make that one 'the best'?

Oh dear. I'm (relatively) traditional and conservative in my lifestyle by MN standards - we probably agree on lots of things - but this is puerile. It comes across like you've been watching tradwife influencers on social media, but have no experience whatsoever of what it's like to live in a family or culture where men really are completely in charge.

Well, if you missed the suffragettes and all of the waves of feminism.

It was years ago ,I'm sure I read an article that the NCB were dismissive of prior concerns.
Could you verify please ?

When marriage and motherhood were respected and revered, when everyone knew how to behave better and certainly dress better, when local communities thrived because mothers were at home and had their mothers, sisters and aunties down the road, when everyone spent more time outdoors and was offline, when adults grew up and left home earlier, when adults socialised, hosted dinner parties and knew how to dance, when parents actually parented, disciplined their children, taught them manners and certainly didn’t label them with fake diagnoses and drug or mutilate them…utterly fabulous!

I hate this. We have friends and the husband will always make a beeline for the head of the table, no matter whose house he’s in. She will often bring him his food whilst he sits there waiting and the rest of us are getting drinks together, bring food from the kitchen. It’s nauseating but at least I’m not married to him. We now take it in turns to get there before him.

Some women respect and know how to spoil their husbands, deal with it.

His Mam moving a chair in your house to show you what you're doing wrong isn't harmless, she insulted you not the other way around. Good for you.

If the table has 2 ends which is the "head" of the table?

In our house, whoever cooked sits at the head of the table (when we use the table).

But what does it mean, if the family don't have individual place mats or napkin holders or place cards? How would DH know that was his place by the way it was set?

It would be OK if he was a small child...

Oh ffs, what makes you think things were any different then?

It was materialistic, selfish and self indulgent. What's family orientated about children being seen and not heard, of women being trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage with no access to money apart from what your husband "allows you"? As for technology - like the automatic washing machine? The vacuum cleaner? Or that wonderful modern invention, the dishwasher (wouldn't be without one even if I lived alone).

If women's lives were so much better then why did they campaign to change them? You have the CHOICE to live as you like now, women then didn't, they rarely had access to higher education and were frequently fired when they got married and/or pregnant. They were utterly screwed if their husbands left them and poverty awaited them if their husbands got sick (you know men get sick sometimes?) It was a vile, sexist, misogynistic time when women were utterly "less than". My grandmother was thrilled that I got to live a better life, with access to university and my own bank account and a husband that treats me like an equal and not someone he is in charge of?

You might be, but I'm not "less than" anyone.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I know it was years ago, but it was the 60th anniversary yesterday.

I'm not sure what you want me to verify? Yes, the NCB dismissed concerns about the spoil tips - that's well known - but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean things like women from the village being addressed using patronising terms like "my dear" and so on by various bigwigs from the coal board, etc.

why? Misogyny/patriarchy is bad or should women just put up and shut up?

And some of us are respected and spoiled by their husbands. You deal with it.

Well that’s just bloody stupid, sorry!

No, that wouldn’t be OK, a child needs to know its place and is never seated at the head of the table. Children also need to be taught basic table manners and voice volume, also sadly lacking nowadays.

My husband certainly knows how to spoil me, I wouldn’t accept less.

Bleeurgh. What a load of utter bollocks.

He's not "commanding a sense of safety and trust", he's just allowing himself to be waited on.

Also, he's sitting at the head of the table, not sat.

I assume MIL would tell him that was his place. We used to have individual napkin holders when I lived with my parents so it would be obvious where people were sitting