What time would you leave a family BBQ with primary-aged children?

I don’t understand why people get so anxious and rigid about bedtimes for children, particularly at weekends and in the holidays. It won’t hurt children to stay up much later than their bedtime occasionally.

Same here! But I've just got told that's PA - it's just normal etiquette around the people I know (both London and Yorkshire so I presumed everywhere)

How far from home?
I would plan being home no later than 9pm.

Do you need one of these Op?

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/4309967403/welcome-please-leave-by-9pm-print-prints?sh_rv=1&ref=shop_home_active_2&crt=1&sts=1&logging_key=62cea74cff671de5c1d9f94b42233cf76d098956%3A4309967403

Why does it end when guests leave? As the host, it’s your responsibility to communicate an end time.

If the host was that bothered about timing they - you? - should manage expectations in the invite. Stop the passive-agressive nonsense.

Genuinely, have you ever been told to leave someone's house, as a guest?

Whereas "feel free to have another drink with dh, I just need to get the kids in the bath" is worse, for you?

I'm not even trying to defend myself here, it's just really interesting how different people are. I'm from abroad originally but my dh and his folks are Yorkshire and they'd also never tell a guest to leave, and they're not passive aggressive either.

Bathing your kids is what makes it particularly passive aggressive. the vast majority of primary DC can get themselves bathed without a parent having to support and so disappearing to “put children to bed” seems very pointed,

if I invite people round for a late afternoon BBQ it could be an 8pm finish or a 2am finish. If everyone is enjoying themselves, I’d likely suggest the DC all settle down together and watch a movie and see how things go.

Depends what kind of thing it is. If it is more like a party then we have been known not to leave until 11ish with young kids. Just a normal thing with the parents we would leave about 7/730.

I would properly raise eyebrows if someone told me it was time to leave their house, bluntly, like some people are suggesting. It's never happened to me so I imagined it was rare.

Dh and I recently hosted a bbq and a family with a toddler stayed till past my dc's bedtime and they were desperate for their supper so I just got the supper on the hob and started running the bath, all while still chit chatting. I didn't think I was being PA, and dh would have mentioned if he thought so. The guests finally left about 8pm and my kids had their supper and got into the full bath straight after.

Whereas if I'd just told the guests to leave...well, we just don't do that round here

I wouldn’t tell a guest to leave once they were already in my house unless they were being obnoxious/difficult/rude.

if there was a reason I needed them to leave at a given time I’d provide that info with the invite: “would love to have you over for a BBQ at 4 but just so you know we have an early start on Sunday so will need to finish up at 8”

My dc are 2 and 5 - the 5yo can just about bathe herself but not the 2yo

Depends whether i liked them or not if I didn't i would use the kids as an excuse and leave about 7.30 if we was all having fun and everyone was ok i wouldn't put a time on it and just naturally leave as it starts getting to cold and things are winding down

8 or 9 depending on kids...

As a host I'd expect the host to be expecting childless people to stay until 10 or so maybe midnight?

Around 10pm if we was all having a nice time :)

Oh absolutely you can stipulate an end time in advance - we told our guests 5pm (started at 12pm) but they were still there at 7.30 when I started running the bath.

I have no regrets. Id never tell a guest to leave, unless they were vomiting on my carpet and the friendship was over. (I have no carpet. So this will never happen)

I'm in Liverpool and you'd have to say to my friends "go home now" before they'd leave.

I went to bed drunk once and they just carried on partying with DP. I just disappeared. Noone was offended.

I suppose it depends on the friendships.

Best answer.

My friends are generally party til 11pm types, but if we've ever needed people to leave early for some reason it's always communicated in the invite eg 'do you and the kids want to come over for dinner on Friday? We have an early start on Saturday though so we'll need to be done by 9ish'.

No one has ever said 'leave my house' but saying 'sorry guys I'm going to have to call it a night, I can barely keep my eyes open' on occasion is totally normal among friends.

Whereas "feel free to have another drink with dh, I just need to get the kids in the bath" is worse, for you? - saying that when you actually mean 'please pick up my hint that I wish you'd leave' is much worse! So rude and designed to make your friends feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Exactly, no one was offended when I went to ran the bath. I just dont keep friends who would be offended by that sort of thing

As an aside surely it's not essential that the kids have a bath?

We (my circles and yours) are just different then, because "sorry I need to call it a night" is just not done among mine. Everyone would go quiet and raise eyebrows at each other like "Whew what did we do to piss off Oliwia"

No I thought you were being passive aggressive before but I don't think you were. I think we are similar.

I wouldn't invite friends that I couldn't be honest with.

Haha mine do every night or they'd never go to bed. I mean never.

Please tell me you offered to feed the other kid too and didn't just feed your own kids in front of them!