What time would you leave a family BBQ with primary-aged children?

[Jetsun3456]

You’re invited to a family BBQ on Saturday. You’ve been told to arrive 3-4pm and food is being served at 5pm, around kids’ tea time.

Both you and the host have primary school aged DC.

What time is the latest you leave?

Us scottish are more relaxed 😆 🤣

When the host dc want to go to bed or it's clear the patents want them in bed. If no signals when my dc run out of steam so 10ish

Oliwia I think we are just very different people. I am from a culture where hospitality is like a law. If you are rude to a guest it's like you've stabbed their brother or something. Maybe worse.

Edit - to be clear. Yes, obviously.

Strange that you would assume some hidden message if someone communicates honestly and straight forwardly with you, but consider passive aggressive hints as polite 😂

You are definitely a Guesser! https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser

Stuff it, just take a tent and some wine and camp in the garden. Kids can sleep whenever they feel 🥳

I don't understand your obvious aggrievement. It's a Saturday night, no school the next day, no need to get kids in bed early, plenty of time the next day to clear up. If guest children start getting tired, what has happened to the age old tradition of putting them to sleep on the hosts' bed and then lifting them into the car or carry them home asleep? I remember my parents doing that when visiting relatives. Live a little.

I’m glad you said that. I’m reading this thread thinking wtf. Glasgow BBQ’s don’t have an end time 😂

And scousers. A party never stops.

Not really.

You asked people what time they’d leave and so they answered.

IME of hosts want a get together with an ending they say “BBQ sat 3-8pm. Food served about 5pm.”

sometimes I’ve had “from 3 until dusk”. Makes it clear this is an outdoor event that ends when the light does!

I always offer to help tidy as
things can be seen to be naturally winding down..

Probably around 9-10pm depending on how the kids are doing.

This is interesting because I do know only one friend (we arent close) who probably would say something like "sorry I have to call it a night" and she's probably what the Guardian would call a Guesser. She also uses phrases like "passive aggressive" which is fundamentally a Guesser concept imo.

For me it's not about coded messaging, it's just that we just don't tell guests to leave.

For me it's like telling someone they're fat. I can't explain it, it's just an unbreakable rule I was brought up with. Another rule is you don't turn up empty handed, and you don't take food before the host specifically serves you.

I know that last one isn't a rule in the UK as I gasped when I saw it broken once and I got gently laughed at.

You do tell them to leave though, you just do it indirectly. Your message is the same.

Probably around 10/10.30 but definitely before midnight. If it’s at my friend Emma’s house then dh and I would leave about 2am and pick the kids up in the morning as they would be asleep with Emma’s kids.

Not a chance eh!! Im not far outside glasgow and I remember the family parties in the 80s when all the family would get together and us weans would be sent off to bed and still be up all night yapping and carrying on 🤣. Great times.

I have heard you lot are as nuts as us scots 🤣

Fine, but telling someone something directly is very different from telling them indirectly. That's kind of how rudeness works.

When I felt like it. I wouldn’t be so controlling looking at my watch all the time rather than enjoying the evening.

Yep and I find the indirect, make them uncomfortable so they go approach so rude. Much ruder than just admitting you are tired or have something to do.

How old are we talking as primary children? 11 is very different to 5 in how long I would stay.

We do love a party. I think we are more Irish in our way than English.

If I were hosting a BBQ / Dinner / lunch I’d either let the guests know (come over for X/Y/Z 3pm, food at 5, home at 9) or make it clear that it was time to go - “Hey guest, we need to start getting the kids to bed in 10 minutes, would you like one last drink before you go?”

Nobody is uncomfortable though.

Im thinking of my MIL from Yorkshire, who is the hostess with the mostess, and I've been to dozens of her parties. When it's late she's starting to put the dishwasher on and people organically start to leave.

Never ever have I seen her clap a hand on someone's shoulder and say "right Soozie, it's getting late, y'know?" Hell would freeze over.

I'd like to think people enjoy our barbecues and that's why they stay hours later than expected. I don't think they'd come back in a hurry if i told them to leave. I know I wouldn't.

Food at 5pm is an early dinner, so I'd expect to be there until at least 10pm on a Saturday in the school holidays.

Sorry OP, you should've had them over for lunch if you wanted to be done by early evening. It's a BBQ, not a two-hour booking at a restaurant.

I definitely agree 🤣

A primary aged DC can be as young as 4 at this moment - no 4 year old should be getting their own bath!!!