What time would you leave a family BBQ with primary-aged children?

[Jetsun3456]

You’re invited to a family BBQ on Saturday. You’ve been told to arrive 3-4pm and food is being served at 5pm, around kids’ tea time.

Both you and the host have primary school aged DC.

What time is the latest you leave?

I mean if I've decided to host I have presumably prepared myself to clean up. I usually do that sort of thing the next day if I have a big party. Or ask people to give me a hand. I would generally get a load into the dishwasher and anything in a really rough state in to soak.

Similarly its also my job to cue guests to leave. I don't want people to have to leave an otherwise excellent evening early because they're imagining I may want them to leave if I don't.

We’d leave when we want to leave, my kids have always been absolutely fine with an occasional late night. It’s a Saturday in the school holidays, bedtime wouldn’t be a consideration at all.

If you are the host and it's just family coming then just say ideally we need everyone to leave about x time.
With our family BBQs there was never a cut off time (whether we were hosting or guests) and things usually ended around 9/9:30. It's a weekend and the holidays so I wouldn't worry. Does it matter if the kids are late to bed on a Saturday night?

I wouldn't consider kiddy bedtime on a Saturday in the summer holidays, no.

In my experience these things tend to rumble on with the kids enjoying staying up late and the adults getting sozzled. Good times.

Older primary age probably 10ish. But really depends on how they are doing, if they are still enjoying themselves and so are the host children that is key, if they start getting grumpy, then go.

I wouldn’t invite people over for an evening BBQ with a fixed leaving time in mind TBH because you just never know how long it will go on for. If I was that rigid about bedtimes (and we weren’t, always pretty flexible) I would have made it an afternoon event and probably said something like “1-7ish, food from 2” on the invitation

Us sarf londoners can throw a good bbq aswell 😂

If I’m inviting friends/siblings round for a late afternoon bbq and they’re leaving at 7:30 I’d be wondering what I did wrong.

I’d assume my kids were having a super late night and would make arrangements accordingly. I certainly it wouldn’t be disappearing for bath time.

if their bed times were that important I would have people over in the evening after they were in bed.

My bbq was a lunch bbq starting at noon... I have a 2yo. Tbf op's started at 3 which is different. She should have made it a lunch one if she wanted them out by 8.30

Families are so different with regards to bedtimes. When mine were small , say 5 and 8, they would have been ready to leave at 6:30! We probably would have stayed a bit later so as not to be rude. But I know plenty of kids have much later bedtimes and had friends who would have their kids stay up running about until 10/11. They always seemed to have more fun tbh! I’d have loved to have been more chill with my kids bedtimes, but they got tired when they got tired.

I wouldn't be planning a time to leave in the summer holidays. It would just come to a natural end when conversation started dying down or people looked like they were getting tired.

Yeah, I’ve always found that events like this with kids always come to a natural end. They start to get tired and cranky and it’s time to go!

Probably around 8 .

As late as the host was likely to want me to leave.
Some that would be around 8ish, some the early hours of the morning.

'Primary aged kids' means nothing.
4-7 year olds can probably go to sleep on a sofa and be carried to the car later.
8-11 year olds will be fine staying up late.

If you aren't sure ask the host before you go. Just drop them a message and say something about planning ahead and wondering what kind of time was likely.

Probably start getting ready to go by 8 and plan to be gone by 9. But would have helped clean up and made sure all dishes were either in dishwasher or already cleaned. Would never leave the hosts to clean.

Same here.

Just play it by ear.

I'm assuming you're the host? It depends on the guests? If it was my friends who have kids a similar age, they'd have been packed up and ready to go around 8ish. If it was our childless friends,they'd now be popping the alcohol, and taking the party to the garden. If it was my family, with mixed age children, ranging from toddlers to teens, they'd be asking if we were settling the small ones and carrying on, or calling it a night.

I'd just say to the hosts, let us know when you want to wind things up and get the kids to bed. If you're close enough to be invited round, surely you're close enough to ask?

As a host if I want things to end by a certain time I’d let people know when i invited them, that way it’s clear to everyone.
If we do a midweek birthday celebration for one of the dc we’ll say “come for a slice of cake and a glass of fizz if you’re free, 6-8pm”. Not because our kids are young but because everyone will have work/school the next day and we want time to chill out. Weekend events we would never put a time on things and never did when the dc were little, we weren’t uptight about kids bedtimes especially when they were having fun with cousins and friends dc, when they got tired they’d find a film to put on and all bundle down with duvets etc, baths/showers were skipped in the name of fun.
We are going to a family bbq on Sunday, been told to come from 2pm, there’s no end time so we might leave at 8pm or 1am, whenever we feel like it. That includes taking cues from the hosts. I expect it will be more around 10pm but anything can happen.

No need to specify an end time imo, it’s easy enough to end a night in your own house. Stop serving drinks and tell your children to run up and put their pyjamas on.

I would go with the flow

Wonder where the op is from then 🤔.

Normally we went to shindigs and were still there a week later 🤣🤣🤣.

2am 🤷‍♀️ (London)

Well, it depends on the actual age of the kids - primary, aged four, or primary aged 11?

Well if it's just a small two family affair, check timings with the hosts - unless this is a reverse and you are annoyed that guests overstayed their welcome. As it's the summer holidays and it's light until late, any time that is mutually agreeable is appropriate. We just got back from holiday in Southern Europe and the play parks were full of children past 11pm because it was too hot for them to be outside during the day. Makes sense during this hot weather to adapt usual bedtimes and add in a daytime nap.

I don't get what the problem is here.
It's a Saturday on the school holidays.

You leave when you want. Maybe when the kids get tired/grumpy

The hosts have invited everyone on a Saturday and not a Sunday for a reason. They don't care what time people leave.

Xx

Family in the school hols and a Saturday… I’d assume my relatives could tell me if they needed to wind down at a certain time because work/ kids activities/ event on the Sunday.
otherwise whenever, I used to love the freedom of the long summer holidays, the kids playing games, trampolining, paddling pool or whatever until late, it’s what childhood should be about. But with family just tell them what time to leave if that isn’t your thing