AIBU to be annoyed Mum invited family during my son’s stay without asking?

I don’t see why that’s a problem, tbh…

I think you are being a bit over sensitive - it's family after all. Your mum could have mentioned it, and would have been sensible to do so, but not a huge deal that she didn't. Presumably you trust your mum and stepdad enough to look after your son, so you should trust them enough to make good decisions about who visits when he is there.

You either trust her or you don't, you don't get to dictate what other people do in their own homes

What 5 year old makes plans to stay with grandparents???
Regardless, either you trust your DM to keep your DS safe, or you don’t. Presumably she invited her sister and would have told you if she had said yes, but as she said no DM didn’t need to tell you. It’s not something I would get het up about, I’d change the arrangements if I were at all concerned.

I’d understand your concern if she had invited strangers but it’s family and you haven’t said anything that sounds dodgy or risky regarding your aunt and uncle ( who aren’t even coming)?

Maybe your mum just thought it would be nice to bring family together?

Your 5 year old didn't plan to stay with your Mum, your Mum and you made the plan. Either you trust her to have your son stay with her or you don't. I don't see anything wrong in what she has done. Unless there ris a massive drip feed and you have reason not to trust the other family members which you haven't mentioned.

To be honest I'd be more concerned about a relatively new partner than an aunt and uncle that you presumably grew up with and know first hand are safe around children (assuming that you stayed with them etc as a child, apologies if that isn't the case).

DH works in safeguarding though so I'm probably a little over cautious.

I'm confused. Were you planning to be there for the entire 4 days also?

I also don't see an issue with it being family, randoms or leaving your son to go to the aunts or elsewhere then yes- that is an issue.

You either trust your mum to look after your 5 yr old appropriately or you don’t.

If you are wary of her new partner and feel you don’t know him very well (and personally I don’t blame you if you are wary) then you don’t send him on his own, full stop.

Your mum (and you) have presumably known your aunt and uncle for much longer, so I don’t see the same issue there 🤷‍♀️

Are you talking about your mum's sister? I think you're being insulting. You either trust your mum with your son or you don't, doesn't sound like you do.

Family are far more risky than strangers.

Op doesn’t know the aunt’s husband very well even though he’s ‘family’ to the rest of them.

I suspect your Mum either wanted to show off her lovely Grandson to her sister or she thought she couldn’t keep up with a child that age alone and quietly drafted in some reinforcements.

Possibly a bit of both.

I don’t think you can tell your Mum who to have at her house though. You either trust her or you don’t.

I would also be cautious about the new husband.

Going against the flow, but don’t think your Mum should have invited other people to stay while she was looking after your son. She will be entertaining and chatting. Her mind will not be completely on your son. Are they going to be drinking while they are there?
FWIIW: We are grandparents who frequently look after our young grandchildren. When they stay, it is totally geared up to them. There is no way I would be entertaining other people.

Is there a reason you are wary of your aunt and uncle? Or even your mum it sounds like you don't trust anyone with your son.

Non blood related male family members are the highest risk for sexual abuse, aren't they? Precisely because people bleat "it's faaaaaaamily" and don't take precautions.

I'm not overprotective, but unrelated males randomly staying in the same house as my son would be a no no.

I think you were mad to send your child to stay in a house with a strange man to begin with to be honest.

She can invite whoever she wishes to her home without your permission. But I can see you might have liked to be aware of this. More adults to supervise and play with your son.

Or is there some problem with these particular people?

Doesn’t she? I’m reading it’s the DMs husband she doesn’t know well, yet she was happy with that!

She invited your AUNT. Not some rando from bridge club. YADBU.

Surely that would be the DMs new husband? But OP was happy with that.

This. The biggest danger, and it's a reasonable concern, is the stranger who got together with your mum so quickly. I'd be wanting to know a LOT more about him and assure yourself there are no red flags or things that give you an uneasy feeling.

Actually it’s the OP’s mother’s husband that she doesn’t know very well and she was ok to let her son stay with him. Presumably because she trusts her mother?

How well does your ds know your mum if he only sees her 3 or 4 times a year? I wouldn't send him to stay with her on his own. I think you do need to go as well and then it's fine for other relatives to come over and meet him.

I think you’re worried about the wrong thing here.

I voted you are being unreasonable, it's family that's been invited not complete strangers, and they can't go anyway due to being on holiday. Unless there is some back story about your aunt and uncle I really don't see what the problem is