AIBU to be annoyed Mum invited family during my son’s stay without asking?

[TeaColdAgain]

To be annoyed my mother invited family to stay with my 5 year old without asking me?

For context, my DS was planning to stay with my mum and her husband (married 2 years ago) over the summer holidays for about 4 days alone. They live 3 hours away from us, and it would have been the first time we left him without us.

I changed my mind and decided I'll WFH there, and bring my DD (just turned 3) with us so it's a chance for them to spend time with my mum and partner, but knowing I'm on hand.

Just had an email from my Aunt who said my mum had invited her and my uncle to stay with them when it was just DS staying. Nothing has been mentioned to me. They declined because they're on holiday at the time.

We're naturally protective of him as he's not stayed for a long break without us, he's physically far away and we don't know my mum's new husband that well (they got engaged 1 month after meeting / married within the year / she moved 5 hours away from her home for him - it's been a lot to readjust to).

We see my mum maybe every 2-3 months because of the distance / her travel, and my aunt maybe once or twice a year ish.

Am I being overly sensitive (as she will say I am being when I bring it up) - but it's not ok to invite people to stay without asking me beforehand is it?!

OP wants to be offended about what never happened!

You are being overly sensitive. You either trust your mum or you don’t. But it’s unacceptable to dictate that she should not be able to invite others over (especially other family members) because her grandbaby is staying.

I also think it’s a real big shame that you’ve changed the plans and are now staying. Let her and your child have some time. I mean did you ask her if it was ok for you and your 3 ye old to also stay when you’ve decided to change the plans? X

YABU- you either trust her or you don’t, it’s her home. If she’s looking after your son for that time, then you have to afford freedoms to that period, the big one being it’s her home, and they can invite who they’d like. She invited family… if there’s something not ok about them, then that’s for another discussion.

This made me laugh out loud

I wouldn’t have let my kids stay in a house with mums new husband that you hardly know and that it sounds like she doesn’t know that well either.

It’s good that you’re going to be there now.

OP - it's your mom and your aunt/uncle who you presumably have known all your life. And no - she should not have run it by you - this is being way over sensitive.

If you don't trust your mom - don't send your son there.

Presumably if your Aunt had accepted your mu would have told & you could then have cancelled/decided to go with?

Your mum probably didn't mention it because the aunt and uncle aren't coming.

I think it's a huge shame you are now going to be there - children need time to be spoilt with just grandparents and not parents. 5 is plenty old enough to stay with grandmother alone.

Yes your mother's partner is relatively new, but I think the 'getting used to it' aspect is more you than your son.

The problem for me here would be the new partner of your mum. Absolutely zero chance of my very young child staying with a man barely any of us know. Aunt and uncle aren’t a problem for me here.

Do we know anything about the uncle?

I’d be fine with family staying, I understand some folks think every unrelated man is a paedo. But there will be others there, he will be sleeping with his wife, and the odds are already low. So for me, yes it would be fine

Also questionable but I was presuming she’s known him all her life, had been no issues and is a trusted and well known family member.

My sonhas just been away with MIL, 3 aunties and an older cousin aswell as all the family kids. They absolutely loved it and its what draws families closer, it's very sad that lots of people these days have this standoffish attitude to even their own family.
Yes horrible things happen to kids but out of the millions/billions of families that spend time together it's such a tiny amount that ends in horrible situations, surely you don't think everyone should just keep everyone at arms length. Your child will miss out on their family.

Apologies, I miss read it.
No, aunt and uncle is fine isn't it? Don't get the issue.

Thanks for this - that's really summed it up.

No issues with DS getting to know his family - my aunt (mum's SIL) and uncle are nice but we only talk at birthdays / Christmas so we're not overly close.

Things have been really strained with my mum since she remarried and moved away - she's obviously accepted him and expects us to move at the same pace. It's taken me a long time to come slightly off edge with new stepdad - and I never fully will - so adding more people to the mix has taken me over the edge.

Will try and get things back in perspective.

I wouldn't send my 5 year old to stay for 4 days with someone they see every 2-3 months no matter what the relationship was.

But I might be a helicopter parent with an over sensitive 5 year old.

I don't think it's an issue . Isn't it nice that he will get to know his relations on your side. It seems a very natural thing for your mum to invite her sister when she knows her grandson is staying

But it's impossible to tell which men are the paedos, why would you take any risks. I wouldn't be at all happy with my son staying in the house with the mums new partner.

It's her mother's partner she doesn't know very well. She hasn't said she doesn't know her uncle very well. I think the real issue is not knowing get mum's partner not the aunt and uncle staying

Im quite shocked the amount of people saying youre unreasonable- of course you should be told who is going to be around your son. Who cares if its family? Most children are molested by people known to family or are family.

Although personally id not be letting my child around the fairly new unrelated male that is your mums partner.

I don't think you can say much to your mum about inviting her sister. She may well have told you if sister had accepted - although she should have run it past you - and the main issue is her new DH. And since you initially said yes to your son staying there, you can't really go off on one.
BUT you are doing the right thing now by going too.
I think you accepted DS going on his own because she was pressuring you and you caved, but it was against your instincts. Now you've reasserted your boundaries. Hold to them.

Wouldn't allowed my kids to stay with a family member and their relatively unknown man, even if they were living together or married.

Did you just invite yourself and dd as extra guests? If you’re WFH then presumably your mum is babysitting two children now instead of one! And ‘dodgy’ husband will be around both dc?

I wouldn't be worried about the aunt, but the new husband would be of great concern and I would not send my child to stay with their grandmother in these circumstances - why did they have to marry and move so far away so quickly, sounds quite dodgy to me..

I agree with most people.

1. If you trust your Mum to look after your 5 year old for a few days without you there, then that should also include trusting in who she introduces him too.
2. Presumably your Aunt is someone you've known all your life. I'm confused why she is the person you are concerned about, rather than a man who your Mum married after a whirlwind romance, who none of you know very well.

However, out of interest, why would your Aunt e-mail you out of the blue to say "Did you know your Mum invited us to stay when ds was there. I thought I'd tell you even though, as it happens we are on holiday and can't go." - seems an odd thing to do.