AIBU to be annoyed Mum invited family during my son’s stay without asking?

[TeaColdAgain]

To be annoyed my mother invited family to stay with my 5 year old without asking me?

For context, my DS was planning to stay with my mum and her husband (married 2 years ago) over the summer holidays for about 4 days alone. They live 3 hours away from us, and it would have been the first time we left him without us.

I changed my mind and decided I'll WFH there, and bring my DD (just turned 3) with us so it's a chance for them to spend time with my mum and partner, but knowing I'm on hand.

Just had an email from my Aunt who said my mum had invited her and my uncle to stay with them when it was just DS staying. Nothing has been mentioned to me. They declined because they're on holiday at the time.

We're naturally protective of him as he's not stayed for a long break without us, he's physically far away and we don't know my mum's new husband that well (they got engaged 1 month after meeting / married within the year / she moved 5 hours away from her home for him - it's been a lot to readjust to).

We see my mum maybe every 2-3 months because of the distance / her travel, and my aunt maybe once or twice a year ish.

Am I being overly sensitive (as she will say I am being when I bring it up) - but it's not ok to invite people to stay without asking me beforehand is it?!

It probably would have been nice for your mother to tell you that she had invited your aunt. I suspect it is because she was nervous handling a young child alone and had your aunt as reinforcement to help out. I think that is also why your Aunt emailed.

As others said I would be quite wary of this strange man though. The relationship seems very intense and fast.

Sorry, but I honestly don't see any issue here. I don't see that she needs to ask you if it's ok. It's her house, and your aunt is family, so in my view, it's enough for her just to tell you that she's invited your aunt. Anyhow, it's a complete non-issue as the aunt can't come anyway so there was no need for her to even mention it.

@TeaColdAgain Personally I wouldn't be happy.. I haven't read whether the child knows your mum's relatives or not. That would make a huge difference to me. Presumably mum's husband will be with mum all the time, so that wouldn't have been my primary concern.

PS I'm thinking of whether the child would be comfortable with 'strangers' there, I don't expect sexual abusers round every corner, & I'm sure OP's mum isn't stupid..

Is he your step dad? I’m assuming you’re a grown woman, so he’s your mum’s husband. I’m totally missing the point of your post, but seems odd language. My dad remarried when I was in my mid 20’s and I’ve never considered her my step mum.

This.

A five year old going to stay with grandparents alone for the first time will need a lot of attention and it is perfectly reasonable to expect your mother to know this and to make arrangements so that she is fully available for your DS during his stay.

Yeah I’d go nuclear about this, given you don’t know your Aunt’s boyfriend! Abso-fucking-lutely not!

This!

Do not allow children to be around men you do not know well. Unless you are there all the time.

I’d say your biggest issue is not your aunt staying, but the random dude your mum married. I wouldn’t leave my children to stay without me in that scenario either. Not until they were old enough to have a mobile phone and be able to call me independently

I think if it was friends of her husband or new friends that she didn’t really know well, I could understand feeling uncomfortable. But YABU to expect to be asked permission to invite family over.

Of course you’re being unreasonable. He gets spoilt by great auntie as well as grandma. What a lucky boy

You know your aunt-if she was inviting random people to rent out a room, that would be different.

Yes and no child has ever been hurt by family 🙃 this is the sort of naive thinking that actually gets kids hurt

You could ask your mum why she invited her sister to stay when your son was staying, but unless there's a reason your aunt shouldn't be there at the same time I think it's a bit odd/ off.I
You sound close to your aunt if she's emailing you.
Do you think he'd get less attention or something along those lines?

I think it's fine for your mum to invite your aunt over, but I think your reservations lie with her husband.
You say you're naturally protective of him, but I'm sure your mum is aswell.

Did your mum ask for him to stay, or you all thought it would be nice for him to have a few days away?

Does he want to go? Obviously it doesn't matter now because you're all staying anyway.