HUsband hit me this evening

@PinkPanthreess

to leave safely ? i dont think he will try ti forcibly stop me

I didn't think that either and my esDH had never even hit me. He had been demanding my car keys and when I asked him (from upstairs) "Will you let me leave peaceably?" he refused to answer. So I realized that it simply wasn't worth the risk.

Now, I'm in the US so maybe it's different in the UK. But I called our local sheriff's office and simply said "I want to leave and he won't let me, I'd like you to escort me out". They dispatched two deputies who did exactly that. They took him outside the house to give me time to gather a 'go bag' and kept an eye on him as I got in my car. There was no talk about whether I wanted to press any charges or about what may have happened. They were there simply to see that I left safely.

Hopefully you've made your way to your mum's by now, but if not, do consider asking the police to escort you out.

If you have reason to doubt the OP I hope you have reported the post to Mumsnet.

This! I really really hope you go to the police OP. Nothing will happen to him but it will show your DC that it is not acceptable. It’s really worrying that they are attempting to justify his behaviour. Likely as a result of his manipulation. Please get to DMs and seek help from Women’s aid and other organisation. The police can also point you in the direction of help.

Do you have any injuries? Any bruising or marks from the assault is evidence to show the police.

You don't need bruising, marks, black eyes or open wounds. If you are in a situation where you need help, seek it. The police will help you.
Immediately.

That one post says to me that more than ever you need to call the police and put it on record.

Your testimony is your evidence.

He can deny it, he probably will because he is a coward who hit women. But you will have put it on the record anyway. And f him anyway.

If any of your children would still be subject to child custody agreements, you need to call the police. You need the evidence.

If not, I understand why you might just want to get out as simply as possible.

I’m sorry your marriage has ended in such a horrible way.

Unfortunately the moderators won’t be around for many hours. OP posted another unusual thread earlier.

Please do go to the police. It’s not about proof (and what proof does he have that he didn’t do it?!). My partner threw me across a room when I was 26 weeks pregnant and it was taken so seriously. I wouldn’t even have called the police but I locked myself in the bathroom afterwards to call 111 for advice on checking the babies were ok and he started shouting and threatening to break the door down so I felt it was the only option to make sure I could get the advice I needed about my babies.

Hitting you 4 times constitutes a beating. This is the end I think you know that. Now a few things to bear in mind because you will not be thinking straight. There is no way that you can leave him and do it without upsetting anyone. It doesn’t matter whether the children don’t want you to call the Police, they are not thinking straight either. You absolutely should report this to the Police and your children must see that you will not tolerate being attacked by your partner. They will be affected by this and you can’t stop
that. There is nothing that justifies his behaviour and I mean nothing! Calling you fat and other nasty names is abuse, I’m sure there will be a lot of other behaviours that he’s been getting away with because you haven’t realised that they are abuse and your self esteem has been destroyed. I know you want to stay in the home and it’s possible the Police will make him leave but then he knows where you are and it’s possible he will come back to the house. The most dangerous time for women is when they leave. Violence can escalate quickly so be aware of that. You should report this to your GP and you should contact the national helpline for domestic abuse 0808 2000 247 in the days and weeks ahead you will need support. It is not an easy thing to do but you can do it. Good luck, stay safe.

Fair enough, I hadn’t seen that. Well, the OP has had some good advice if she needs it.

You have been beaten. Nothing you could have said to him justifies this!

Yes -you should report his actions to the police. What he did does matter and it was a crime. You don't have to have proof to report this.
Your address will be noted and - should something similar or worse happen there in future - you would have less explaining to do and perhaps faster attention.

You say that your children don't want you to report to the police.

That suggests that his violence has come to seem 'normal' them.

Not only is that wrong, it means that they are more likely accept a beating from future partners of their own... or even to give beatings.

Put his behaviour where it belongs (at least noted as a crime) and help keep your children safer.

I hope that your post isn't a real one - but if it is, I am very sorry that this has happened to you.

No, there isn’t and yes, you do. Now.

I think OP said in the other thread that she started yesterday that her children are all adults.

If you can, leave the house and go somewhere safe, whether thats friend/family/hotel

report it to the police. If you can’t leave the house find a way to either call the police (online web chat if you have to) & get them out, he will at least be taken to the station overnight.

tomorrow contact womens aid.

do what you need to, to make yourself safe so this doesn’t happen again

You have to call the police OP. The fact that you’ve had to lock yourself in clearly means you need them there to help you get to your DMs house safely.

There is no such thing as him being ‘pushed’ into hitting you. That’s bullshit. Nothing justifies the physical and emotional abuse you’ve described and your children need to understand that. Call the police now and leave.

You don’t need proof. You need it on record incase he becomes a problem when you leave.

Op I love my dad but if he hit my mum he’d be dead to me.

You need to talk to your children about what is and what is never acceptable. About how no one is pushed to assaulting their partner. And they need to give their heads a wobble because they are justifying abuse and that isn’t ok. That they are in the wrong. That they are entitled to continue to see their father if they so wish but that they must never ever excuse domestic violence and that if you want to report their father, you have every right to.

This conversation is so so important. Or you might find they themselves end up in abusive relationships going forwards. Or, heaven forbid, hurting their partners. You are their parent and you have to make sure they don’t grow into a monster like him.

Then lead by example and leave him. And ideally report him too.

Op please check in when you can and let us know when you made it to your mums. You’re better off calling the police. Your son thins that you’ve pushed him to this, your son needs to know this isn’t ok. Your proof is the bruises x

It doesn’t matter.

kindness is helping someone asking for help.

even if the OP was not being honest, I’m pretty sure that someone else reading this might just get the courage to report an abusive partner/leave.

making sure we say how wrong this situations are and how/where to go for help is the most important part. Some women won’t have the courage to post or leave. Lets give them all the courage they need to find freedom from abusive people

Ring the police because it becomes a record of his assults on you..by now he could of been charged
What or how others feel is a non issue.
He is abusing you.
You habe nothing to protect except your safety and dignity.
Whatever shape or size you are is not important.
Your safety is.
Not often a post upsets me but this does!
Never be alone again near this gutless human piece of shit.

You don’t need proof please report it and have it recorded if nothing else. So sorry this is happening to you ❤️

Call the police. Your kids do not get to decide you don’t deserve safety and honesty. They don’t get to cover up his crime against you to protect their worldview. They must see that’s what happens when men hit women- so if they find themselves thinking about hitting someone they know there are consequences. Call the police and ask your chances of getting him to leave.

the dirty vile fucker, i hope his hands rot and fall off, i totally abhor cruelty in every form. i’m so so sorry op, violence has no place anywhere, least of all in a marriage. it wasn’t your fault in the least, if he chooses to raise a hand, that’s his choice and he deserves to face the repercussions so please please please call the police. your children’s reaction is abominable, my father once bent my mother’s fingers back in an argument, my mother is known to be able to hold her own but before she could as much as exclaim, she was dragging me off him (i’m not saying this should be condoned or praised in the least but i’m a very protective person and at that time, was a young teen) how anyone could go against their mother in this situation is beyond my comprehension. think what you would want someone in your life that you love and respect to do, then do it. raising a hand once in extreme circumstances and afterwards feeling self disgust while trying to make amends and seeking anger management would be revolting, but to do it 4 times is truly beyond measure, the fact he has done it previously and degrades your appearance not withstanding (although that’s also appalling). statistically, he will move on to much more damaging assaults and you may very well not survive one of them. you were once a baby in your mother’s arms, then a little girl dreaming of the life she would have when she was all grown up, then the young woman who met and fell for him, getting ready for your first date, was stunned and elated when he got down on one knee, excitedly planned the wedding, the blushing bride feeling like the luckiest woman ever, and now you are the battered wife being cow-towed by her children to let him off the hook and either be his punchbag for life or let him beat the next poor woman. you owe it to all of these versions of you (who did not know what he was like and hopefully wouldn’t have married him if they did) to realise you don’t deserve this, to hold him accountable, to get justice, to leave the vile cunt, to live in peace and happiness without a repellent troll doling out slaps at the drop of a hat, to maybe down the line meet someone who worships the ground you walk on. i have 2 friends who were in abusive relationships, one physically and one psychologically, they both left and are now in relationships most people could only dream of, with beautiful homes, feelings of joy and serenity, vibrance and freedom where emptiness and captivity once were, and self esteem in abundance. i wish you the best and will pray for you, my inbox is open to you. 🫂

Proof is not the bar here. You want it on record whether or not he’s prosecuted, in case of later proceedings.