Page 2 | Care job affecting my mental health and I feel overworked

PackHamFan · 2026-07-15T17:05:08+00:00

My job is really beginning to affect my mental health. I work in care and there were some things and conditions before that I wasn't entirely happy with before but I continued on and focused on the positives. This week has just been unreal. I don't know if it's the heatwave or what not. The lady I work for is worse than ever before just shouting orders at me. If she had half of a chance she would likely piss down my back or into my face. Ok, she wouldn't but she is worse now this week than ever before. Breaks even for water during this heatwave is limited. Bi am just expected to keep on going and going and going and work late while she eats at barbeques. The sun is now beginning to make me sick too with migraines and I am in work hosesnyk ready to have a mental health breakdown and I am just not feeling well. The demands just keep going and going and going. To make it worse I am supposed to provide a live in stint for this weekend too for a full week without even a day off and I realize now that the person I am working for just doesn't respect me as a person or worker. There's no way I am being painful appropriately to give up my live to work weeks on end like this.

Original poster

PackHamFan · 15/07/2026 22:05

I started work at 8.30 this morning. It is 10 pm at night and I am still in work. Any other job and I would be finished b the fuckers care more about the world cup than even trying to respect employment law, me or their disabled family member.

OP posts:

MNHQ

ImaniMumsnet · 15/07/2026 22:14

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our mental health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected] and may find our Domestic Violence information helpful.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We've also moved your thread as we think you're more likely to find the responses you're hoping for here.

Domestic violence support webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to domestic violence. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence

MuffHairLady · 15/07/2026 22:21

OP. Seriously, I think you need to make an urgent appointment with your dr. Tell them you're in crisis. You sound like you are about to crack, you poor thing.

You really shouldn't go into work tomorrow - you're not in the right space to be able to look after anyone right now, least of all this person.
Take care of yourself.

smallglassbottle · 15/07/2026 22:22

PackHamFan · 15/07/2026 21:51

At first the family were good to work for but over time they became just selfish. They don't care. The only thing they care about is getting away time and time and time again.

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You won't be subject to ongoing family wrath in a care home. Carers simply don't have time to spend with families. Honestly, ditch the one to one job. They're too intense. Go sick if you can afford it. It's not worth ruining your health for.

smallglassbottle · 15/07/2026 22:25

Can you afford to just leave? What's your living situation?

Turquoisa80 · 15/07/2026 22:30

I've worked as a domiciliary carer and it's so challenging and draining. Luckily the agency I worked for was understanding and if you did not want to do particular calls they would pull you off them. Right now, you should call in sick and let them organise another care worker to go in.

Tummygrumbling · 16/07/2026 13:37

Just tell them you are not feeling well and go home then don’t go back. It’s outrageous that they are treating you so poorly but you don’t have to put up with it either.

Shinyandnew1 · 16/07/2026 22:04

PackHamFan · 15/07/2026 21:52

At this stage I don't care about contracts or notices.

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Just leave then.

ShetlandishMum · 18/07/2026 20:09

PackHamFan · 15/07/2026 21:17

I am not catastrophising. I am working for a family who will not spend 5 minutes with their disabled family member and has pushed so much into me and I never signed up for work like this while all they do is just have a backlash of moods at me about everything including their own laundry and if it's washed or not when I am trying to do the best I can. They have fucked off al week to barbeques and beer gardens and they nothing if dumping 12+ hours on me 6 days a week. There's no respite for me.

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New job.

ShetlandishMum · 18/07/2026 20:12

PackHamFan · 15/07/2026 22:05

I started work at 8.30 this morning. It is 10 pm at night and I am still in work. Any other job and I would be finished b the fuckers care more about the world cup than even trying to respect employment law, me or their disabled family member.

You really need to change job.
As an experienced carer you can get a better job.

I don't have your contract or hours but you need to set boundries and not work out of what you agreed.

Coralsunset · 18/07/2026 20:15

Call in sick and get signed off. Then you can look for other jobs.

I don’t blame you for choosing not to return to this, it sounds beyond exhausting.

LiveLuvLaugh · 18/07/2026 20:24

24 hour/live in Carers are entitled to breaks. What is your employer (if you are employed by an Agency) doing to make sure you get breaks? Is the person you support able to understand that you get to have breaks and that you are not at her beck and call all the time? If not what is your employer doing to support you? If you are paid by an Agency they are getting paid a fortune for the work you do - make them earn that money. If you are an employee of the person you support or self employed talk to whoever is the responsible person (who is paying the insurance that would protect you if you had an accident in their house)
You don’t have to stay to be treated like this.

itsquietinside · 18/07/2026 20:40

paid carers can get carer burnout too. It sounds like you desperately need some time away from a caring job. You’re right though, care work is massively under paid and under appreciated. So many carers are doing their best, but are not given any respect or thanks and treated like servants.

Elieza · 18/07/2026 21:02

call in sick tomorrow.
look at care options near you and see what suits, care home, working for an agency etc.
go to interviews or whatever
get gp sick line to do you another week or whatever.
dig out current contract.
give notice.

they dont deserve you. it shouldn’t be this hard. dont feel guilty leaving. you never signed up for 24 hour working
like modern day slavery.

FusionChefGeoff · 18/07/2026 21:47

Say no!
’I’ll do that next after I’ve had a break and a drink”
”Yes I’ll get onto that after I’ve had my lunch”
”just to let you know I’m leaving in 30 minutes as my shift is over”
”I can’t work on xyz as I am entitled to a day off”

It sounds horrendous but you’ve got to stand up for yourself; no one else will.

And yes, ultimately, call in sick and leave.

Original poster

PackHamFan · 22/07/2026 12:37

I wr. te the OP last week. I was feeling overwhelmed because I was working later than usual when I knew there was a live in stint approaching too. All I saw on the cards was one day off before that. I know in any other job, it's 2 days off a week.

Anyways I took a sick day last week because it felt like I really needed it. Just to get stuff done at home before moving into another person's home for the week.

The live in stint is from Sunday to Sunday.

I made a huge mistake of going into work and continuing with what was scheduled.

This week, it is ok. There is some breaks or respite for a few hours here and there.

I was led to believe that I would get time off next week because the family said they are not working next week but it seems as if that was a lie. I was just informed of next week's schedule and it's no fucking day off at all. Not even one day. There's one evening off. The family have plans and they want me to provide another live in stint for next week. But next weeks stint would likely be with less respite and more work for me. They never asked me either. It's just a given and a take from them. Notice how their only priority is going out more and more and not treating me as worker humanely. They will not spend one evening with their disabled family member but the person but the person is not bad. Has their moments but can be so good and sweet too.

I never signed up to work like this. Any other job and 2 days off a week would be given and protected by law.

I never had to go to my doctor and get signed off before but I am really approaching that place now. Just to give me space and breathing room so that I can look for other work. Would I have to tell my gp everything that's happening and ask to get signed off.

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 22/07/2026 12:42

PackHamFan · 22/07/2026 12:37

I wr. te the OP last week. I was feeling overwhelmed because I was working later than usual when I knew there was a live in stint approaching too. All I saw on the cards was one day off before that. I know in any other job, it's 2 days off a week.

Anyways I took a sick day last week because it felt like I really needed it. Just to get stuff done at home before moving into another person's home for the week.

The live in stint is from Sunday to Sunday.

I made a huge mistake of going into work and continuing with what was scheduled.

This week, it is ok. There is some breaks or respite for a few hours here and there.

I was led to believe that I would get time off next week because the family said they are not working next week but it seems as if that was a lie. I was just informed of next week's schedule and it's no fucking day off at all. Not even one day. There's one evening off. The family have plans and they want me to provide another live in stint for next week. But next weeks stint would likely be with less respite and more work for me. They never asked me either. It's just a given and a take from them. Notice how their only priority is going out more and more and not treating me as worker humanely. They will not spend one evening with their disabled family member but the person but the person is not bad. Has their moments but can be so good and sweet too.

I never signed up to work like this. Any other job and 2 days off a week would be given and protected by law.

I never had to go to my doctor and get signed off before but I am really approaching that place now. Just to give me space and breathing room so that I can look for other work. Would I have to tell my gp everything that's happening and ask to get signed off.

You can. Or you could just leave.

Coralsunset · 22/07/2026 12:50

Seriously, just go to GP and get signed off. Do you get paid sick pay?

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/07/2026 12:59

What hours are you contracted for? Are they paying for a live in service, if not tell them you can’t do it. Good care workers are hard to find - you’d easily find something with more structure if that’s what you need. The working conditions sound impossible but if you’re agreeing to do it then I’m not sure there’s a fix. If you don’t want to do live in, can only do X number of hours, aren’t being paid fully for your work you need to communicate this to them and stop doing it.

Original poster

PackHamFan · 22/07/2026 14:14

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/07/2026 12:59

What hours are you contracted for? Are they paying for a live in service, if not tell them you can’t do it. Good care workers are hard to find - you’d easily find something with more structure if that’s what you need. The working conditions sound impossible but if you’re agreeing to do it then I’m not sure there’s a fix. If you don’t want to do live in, can only do X number of hours, aren’t being paid fully for your work you need to communicate this to them and stop doing it.

My original contract was for 8am to 6pm but somewhere along the way all of that changed without any new contract. My original days were Monday to Friday but also in the contract was I would be expected to do more from time to time. I never realized that the last line could have been exploited. I expected maybe a Saturday night babysitting here or there. I never realized that they would expect me to work day and night, night and day.

I don't work for an agency. It's a private capacity care work for a private residence/family.

Live in work was never mentioned in my contract.

At first I didn't mind doing little extras here and there but over time something changed. It's hard to explain. It's nearly as if they are entitled and they expect me to do extras.

They got an external company to pay them a grant every month to help pay for care so I get the same income whether I work 40 hours or 90 hours. I swear to god.

My issue is that I went into work last week on Monday the 13th and I was scheduled for the weekend after that for a full week live in. They I was hardly allowed a day off before that but I took a day off. I am now just after getting the schedule for next week and I feel physically sick. These people are expecting me to work day and night night and day for weeks. I didn't even reply to their message. They can come home and tell me to my face.

How do I walk out from this position? After years of working for them I think there is somewhat of a relationship or friendship or connection but fuck me now. This.....

Any other job and I would be allowed time off.

They will not spend one evening with their disabled person. I am heartbroken for the person. How can a family hate their person so much. They feel entitled to respite but they do fuck all with their person and dump it all on me. Where's my respite?

OP posts:

Original poster

PackHamFan · 22/07/2026 14:15

I never ever want to work in care ever again.

OP posts:

UbiquitousPistachio · 22/07/2026 15:22

I don’t really understand why you keep complaining and don’t leave? It’s a private family and private arrangement so just walk away.

We have live in carers 24/7 through an agency and some of what you describe is actually standard practice. They work 8am to midnight with 2 hours break, it’s relentless and exhausting and they usually are here several weeks before a handover. That’s the reality of live in care. Some carers leave after a few months because it’s too much, others have been doing it for years and work out a pattern of working hours that suit them.

We treat our carers with respect and they become like one of the family, and the agency makes sure they are ok. By setting up your job privately you have no such protection but you are free to leave.

Original poster

PackHamFan · 22/07/2026 16:24

I think there is a misunderstanding of my situation. I did not take on a formal live-in carer role. My original arrangement did not include live-in care, but over many years more and more has gradually been expected of me.

I was only booked for this current week as a live-in stint. I was led to believe that the following week would give me some time off, but that has now completely changed. I have just been informed of another live-in/overnight arrangement, and I am struggling because I feel there is no proper recovery time between these periods.

I understand that live-in care can be demanding. My point is that this is different from an agency arrangement where there would likely be clearer structures, contracts, schedules, support, and a more formal approach to hours and time off.

My difficulty is that I feel I am carrying the responsibility and expectations of a live-in carer without the same level of structure or protections. I am finding it very difficult to work weeks on end without a clear end point or proper time away from caring responsibilities.

Another part of my frustration is that these extra commitments are not because of an emergency or unavoidable situation. They are often to facilitate the family's social plans, holidays, weddings and other events, and I feel my own need for rest is not being considered.
I know I have the option to leave, but after many years and a personal relationship with the family, it is not as simple emotionally as walking away from a normal job.

I am also torn about how I will step away from this position. Do I give them a notice? I don't think I can stomach it working until September and being worked into the ground. Or do I just go home the next time they give me an evening off and just not go back in or do I go to my GP and tell my GP this very desperate situation and get signed off from work. I also know that because it's domestic work, we are still entitled to employment law. The family I help they are two professionals and they would know this but they are flaunting it.

OP posts:

UbiquitousPistachio · 22/07/2026 16:35

I assume you have a contract and are being paid via payroll and it’s all above board with HMRC etc in which case you are of course protected by employment law.

You appear to be doing a role very different to what you were employed to do so you need to raise this with them.

You say you have built up a personal relationship with these people so I hope you can see it would be awful to just ghost them. Even if you give them just a week’s notice that will give them time to replace you.

As a family they are entitled to lead their own lives and if they don’t want to do caring that’s fine. That’s why they are paying you. If you don’t want to do the job that is also fine.

UbiquitousPistachio · 22/07/2026 16:37

Just to add - we have used privately employed carers in the past as well and haven’t always had live-in carers.

Every week is planned and discussed and of course we have to agree all changes to days and hours - the carers don’t always agree to what we ask if it isn’t convenient.