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Original poster

Living with Bipolar

306 replies

TopsyTurvyDays · 24/06/2025 16:52

Named changed and starting a thread just to reach for some understanding I think.

In my 50s, diagnosed a couple of years ago with bipolar when had episode of hympomania. Got back in touch with consultant yesterday as could feel mood lifting (I get more mania than depression). I don’t get euphoria- just angst and misery. Consultant is trying to help me find something more constant I can take to help get enough sleep, as sleeping tablets are addictive and stop working.

I’m just tired and worried and constantly monitoring. Worried I’ll be too much for my friends one day. Worried that I’ve passed on troublesome genes to my kids. Not too worried about my DH as he seems to take it in his stride… looking back I was disguising mild mania with being drunk when we met back in our uni days - so when I fell over the edge, it was all behaviour he’d seen before. We had a worrying couple of days while they ruled out brain tumours etc.

The only people who were mean to me (shouted and screamed) when I slid down the slope into needing an ambulance were my family - siblings and parents. That’s hurt.

I thought I’d imploded my life but actually it’s all gone back to being the same 99%.

I worry for the future. I had an adverse reaction to diazepam and I couldn’t get them to believe me because they thought my behaviour was all the mania. My DH believed me and he got them to believe him.

I worry I won’t be able to drive in the future as we live rurally. But living where we live is part of the reason I held on so long as it’s so peaceful and I love it. Doesn’t work if can’t drive though (lockdown was a taster of what being stuck in house 24/7 was like and it was unbearable for me).

OP posts:
Superscientist · 02/08/2026 18:33

What a totally adorable cat! @MarmadukeM. I hope the date goes ok.
I wouldn't know where to start, my partner and I have been together since '06 and as we were only 18 and met in uni halls didn't really "date"

I am glad the arm is recovering ok.

I'm on a family holiday and feeling pretty miserable tonight. I'm hot, I'm low and I'm exhausted and not feeling particularly sociable or in the mood to be around people. The only saving grace is my no 2 having 2-3 naps a day so I get to escape to our room for an hour or so each time.

On the upside, I submitted my application for ESA just before the left and I've had a call to say I have reached the top of therapy list and I have the first of four discovery sessions the week I get back.

I'm sorry you are struggling also @TopsyTurvyDays. Can you get a bit of space from your sister?

MarmadukeM · 04/08/2026 09:32

Superscientist · 02/08/2026 18:33

What a totally adorable cat! @MarmadukeM. I hope the date goes ok.
I wouldn't know where to start, my partner and I have been together since '06 and as we were only 18 and met in uni halls didn't really "date"

I am glad the arm is recovering ok.

I'm on a family holiday and feeling pretty miserable tonight. I'm hot, I'm low and I'm exhausted and not feeling particularly sociable or in the mood to be around people. The only saving grace is my no 2 having 2-3 naps a day so I get to escape to our room for an hour or so each time.

On the upside, I submitted my application for ESA just before the left and I've had a call to say I have reached the top of therapy list and I have the first of four discovery sessions the week I get back.

I'm sorry you are struggling also @TopsyTurvyDays. Can you get a bit of space from your sister?

How are you today? You still on holiday? Hope you are ok, I know holidays can be trying at the best of times once I was in Ibiza and I spent the second f night having back to back panic attacks and was googling flights home 🤦‍♀️. It got better and I stayed but not exactly relaxing holiday experience!
@TopsyTurvyDays how’s things with you? Have you seen psychiatrist yet?
@Ramblingaway any job news?
In other news have talked to the online fella on the phone and I really like him - we talked for 3 and a half hours on Saturday - never been on phone that long in my entire life! Meeting Thursday 😮 I’m nervous!

Ramblingaway · 04/08/2026 10:16

I'm stepping back from job hunting for a few weeks now to spend time with my daughter. Will pick it up again in September.

hoodiemassive · 05/08/2026 17:39

Hi all, my MH assessment is next week and it can’t come fast enough.

i am still taking daytime naps and struggling to get out of bed in the mornings. The school holidays have been a bit busy for my liking and I am sick of feeling so flat but having to keep everything moving along. I am so rubbish at domestic stuff…

On the upside, despite the depression, I’m in the process of signing up with an agency for some pt teaching assistant work. Am hoping that come September I will have had my meds reviewed and be in a better place to start work.

Anyway, hope everyone is making progress with appointments and work searches and are coping with everything they bring.

Original poster
TopsyTurvyDays · 05/08/2026 22:31

Hope everyone is doing ok. Great news re the teaching assistant work.

Thanks @MarmadukeM for asking. I had online appointment yesterday- ended up being 2.5 hours. Very useful. My husband came on call with me and he broken down a little at one point during the call. The lack of support from CMHT has taken a toll on both of us. He was tactful in how he said it but the psychiatrist confirmed what I already knew that (presumably for funding reasons) the care I’m getting is well below what he’d recommended for my circumstances and no way near NICE guidelines. So I’ve contact my GP to see if they will do a shared care plan with a private psychiatrist (ie do lithium blood testing and dispense private psychiatrist medication recommendations) - haven’t heard back yet.

OP posts:
Ramblingaway · 05/08/2026 22:51

@TopsyTurvyDays , sorry to hear that. Psych care is such a postcode lottery. I'm currently amazed at the level of support I'm getting, I actually have a prescribing nurse doing weekly appointments with me which has never happened before. In general I've not been open to secondary services at all until the last year. The GP has just been prescribing as per instructions for the last 18 years, with the odd exception.

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