Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

@DarkChocHolic
God, I remember the run up to results days so clearly for both of my dc 😬
And you are absolutely correct - they will be fine in the long run.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint x

We've had a couple of nice days, we are being very relaxed and not planning much.
We are all shattered. Dd is sleeping late which is good- cannot get her to lie in at home at all :(
Older dd seems to be enjoying herself....she has a lot of stuff planned this summer so 🤞 she'll feel ok.

Hi @DarkChocHolic
Thank you x
We've been for a lovely walk tonight.
I did say to dd earlier that this summer is the first one in 3 years we aren't awaiting degree/post grad/gcse exam results!
Dd has stopped her driving lessons...the instructor kept cancelling last minute snd she was getting really stressed.
The lack of routine and lack of pt job is really not helping.

Hopefully she'll get something soon 🤞

@destiel00 hope you get a bit of break during the holiday and manage to rest.
I know it's so hard when issues follow us during holiday too. It's like it never ends.
I always think school holidays are very hard for anxious or neuro diverse kids with lack of routine. Plus they see their friends having fun on SM and it causes them so much stress. My DD certainly had the FOMO for many years and only this summer it has stopped bothering her as much. Sorry about older DD still struggling over breakup. Sadly nothing you can do but it must be so exhausting for you. Just leave them to DH for an evening and you go have a massage or walk by yourself or something.
We plod along here. DD has a summer job which she likes so she seems ok for now. A level results soon which I am dreading. I have no hopes for the results but will have to cope with what ever happens on the day and deal with DDs emotions. And then a week later we have GCSE results for DS.
It is what it is. No point brooding now. They will all be ok in a few years. I say this to myself over and over again.
Hang on there everyone.
Xx

Hi @Mb76
We are in the uk but far from home. We do love it here.
She seems ok today and slept from 1.30am - 9.30am.
We've been to a beach today and we are going for a walk later.
Dh and older dd are going oi tonight to a sports thing dd and I arent interested in.
Off to a festival tomorrow hopefully...
I'm shattered

@destiel00 I feel for you. Are you in another country on holiday?

I think holidays can be a big trigger for our children. My DD never enjoyed family holidays and always took at least 3 days to settle. We stopped them when she was 10 as it was a difficult experience for everyone. She recently went on holiday with a friend to another country where she’s never been before and cried every night for me to come pick her up, until the last 2 days when she finally adjusted. Since then she’s been spending lots of time in her bed where she feels safe.

I am trying to tell myself that I can't control my dds emotions, I can only control my response.
We've been trying to get dd to get up later and not do so much college work but it falls on deaf ears, sadly.
I think she's finally realising how tired she is.

Hi folks 👋
Not been here for a while as not much to report but dd has had a bad anxiety "episode" tonight. It's the first night of our holiday so not ideal 😕
She's been very triggered by the news and sm today so I've suggested a sm break.
There's been a lot going on wrt college/applying for jobs/usual friend stresses and I think it's caught up with her. She's also worried as its her first episode since stopping counselling
Older dd still pretty heartbroken over her ex bf.
I'm very tired.
Hope everyone is doing ok xx

good morning,

I typed a long update but got logged out of MN and lost the post.

GCSEʼs are done, didn’t revise at all so who knows what grades she will get. Y11 prom done, didn’t love it but it was an all girls school and no plus ones allowed.
straight after the exams she went on an AI holiday in a hot country with a friend’s family. She’s been on two holidays in the UK with these friends but this time it was different. She was very anxious and struggled to adjust to the climate and culture. Didn’t eat much as didn’t trust the food … cried on the phone to us every night for the first 5 days asking us to come and collect her… we couldn’t and she was fine in the end. She eventually enjoyed the activities and got acclimatised by the end of the holiday but did say this type of holiday is not for her..

since then we’ve been plodding along. A lot of things that we’ve been waiting years for are all happening at once. Had the assessment for social anxiety with the clinic she was referred to last year. Just awaiting the results, hopefully a diagnosis and a treatment plan, not medication but some some sort of behavioural therapy.

also assessments for ADHD and autism are finally underway with the right to choose provider. Filled in the forms. School did too, just waiting for the next steps.
Lower jaw braces are also going in next week, again it’s been years waiting.

not sure what she wants to do next education wise. Torn between a couple of colleges, not sure the courses she applied for are for her. I guess we will see when she gets her exam results. I’m dreading the results day and have taken the time off to deal with the potential fallout …

but overall things are a lot more chilled with no school and daily struggles to get her in…

hope everyone is doing as well as can be

A levels over here. Mixed bag to be honest and she just seemed to coast through… not her usual determined, hard working self but to be honest I am just grateful that she managed to go in for each exam and she is still calm and steady. She doesn’t think she’s hit her target grades but we have an alternative plan and keep holding on to the idea that this is fate redirecting her in the path she needs to follow.
Now she wants to go away for a few days with a friend to a European city she is familiar with. The last time she was due to go out with friends around Easter time it ended up as a disaster and she didn’t make it out of the door. She knows the stakes are high and she says she needs to do this to prove to herself she can. I’m just really fearful… wondering if she goes on medication then it might help? Who knows… they are getting together to talk about a plan this week so we shall see.
This time last year we were so optimistic after she had set her sights on the uni of her dreams.. good luck to all those navigating this as well xxx

Hi @MinionKevin
It's a pretty full on day, isn't it?
Dd was quiet, but she did tell us she was aware she was being quiet, she was ok, but just taking it all in.
Course looked good. Not a big cohort though so very competitive to get on.
We have another next week then more after summer.
We have a weeks holiday and she's looking for a pt job (no luck so far..)
She's planning to meet some friends and we've joined a pool/gym ao hoping that keeps her busy.

Hello everyone! Had to change my username as I can't seem to get into my old account! It's been a while since I've been on mumsnet. I've just needed time away. @DarkChocHolic that part is hard. I've been up and down with that issue throughout their lives, will they find stable friendships etc. I think you are right to focus on the progress she has made.

Here things are ok, still moments that send me spinning but when these come, I try to remember that technically they are adults and can live the lives they choose. I try to remember I'm here to support but anything else unless asked is not helpful for anyone and generally just makes things worse. I have recently signed up to get help. I think I've mentioned before that I feel like I have PTSD from the rollercoaster parenting ride of supporting kids with MH and ND. It's been relentless. I feel triggered all the time and even sitting with friends talking about their 'easy' kids, I find really difficult. Aside from a few trusted individuals, I don't discuss it in detail in RL and that can be isolating even when I am surrounded by people. I'm hyper vigilant all the time and have zero mental bandwidth. The heatwave doesn't help! Sorry to rant here. Anyway, I hope the weekend brings you and all our kids some joy, peace and space.

@DarkChocHolic
I'm so pleased that dd managed to sit her exams x
I'm currently sat in bed and worried I've done the wrong thing encouraging uni open days 😕
Dd very quiet tonight 😕
I suppose time will tell

Hello everyone,
Have been missing from this thread!
Still very much belong here though :-(
Have been reading silently.
DD finished A levels and sat every exam which we wouldn't have dreamt of last year. It took everything from her but she wanted to do it.
She finally quit her part time job 2 months before exam and started to study. Hopefully she has done enough for herself. She decided uni would be too much for her and has decided to look for jobs and apply for some small apprenticeship later on.
Seems to have got herself a summer job but don't know till everything comes through. She is a lot stable on her meds finally. But the eating and the poor lifestyle continues and I worry the loneliness now with college over will trigger her again.
She hasn't left the house once her exams finished and I do feel sorry for her when so many are out with friends and on travels. But grateful for how far she has come and hopefully she will find something nice over the summer
Hope everyone enjoys the weekend and the sunshine.
Xx

Hope everyone is doing ok?
Things plod along here - which I know I should be thankful for x

Hi all 👋
Hope all those dc sitting exams are doing ok?
Dd has had counselling today and she and her counsellor have decided next month will be her last session.
I feel a bit odd tbh.
This time last year she was in such a bad place it's so great she's doing so well - older dd is another story sadly 😕
I'm hoping the summer doesn't trigger dd - wanted to keep ger busy but shes npt 18 so finding jobs is tricky and the job she did have is ending as the shop is closing 😕

I'm spery to hear that your dc are struggling.
It reminded me that dd had a "blip" during may half term last year. It was a shock as she'd been doing so well 😕
She seems happy atm with her course and friends.
Older dd is causing me worry currently...she's still really struggling after her break up in January and is going to speak to s counsellor on Monday

I’m ok thank you for checking in @Awomanofsubstance85

What you are describing sounds familiar, my DD is similar. She’s had a great first half of the May school holidays, but last couple of days the dark mood has descended, I’m guessing it’s to do with the rest of exams approaching.

10 exams done, 9 to go, and she’s not really revising. At least there’s no more lessons now, they are only going in to school for exams until the end now.

How are you @Mb76 ?

just wondering if anyone else finds their teen has a few good days and starts to feel a small bit of positivity but then they slump and have a really bad day? Dd has a few good days with lots of good discussion about the future and plans and a good day yesterday but then has been in a really negative slump all day. Totally uncommunicative, everything is met with negativity and it feels as if she’s a million miles away from the person she was yesterday. It almost feels as if she fears letting go of the anxiety and negativity and brings it back as it’s the familiar emotion she knows. I’ve tried encouraging her to do something to help when she feels like that like going out on a walk, playing her instruments or anything rather than sitting in a dark room all day. She says it’s pointless when she feels like this.
just hoping tomorrow is a brighter day
sending love, hugs and strength to all xx

Oh @Mb76
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Grief can be complicated x
I think you were wise to get signed off.
I certainly found the build up to the exams worse than the reality.