Cockroach Cafe - Autumn

@JeffLebowski if I wasn't an only child I'd think we had the same mother. We've had a step back day today. Yesterday she seemed so good.

Except mine can't use a mobile phone, so I'm saved from that horror.

DSis got another message but luckily it wasn't really concerning or needing any action. She cheerfully passed it on to us and we viewed to deny this ever happened.

There was a moment this afternoon when I realised my phone was down to 17% so I turned it off. It was genuinely a complete coincidence that we were in the middle of a tour of a booze making establishment and about to hit the final section where you did some "tasting".

Going home tomorrow. One of the other family matriarchs has rung ER up, and the proposed arrangements for her return home sound safe enough.
Though whether they actually turf her out tomorrow, or we have to go to the hospital again to visit her Sat, I don't yet know.

Our council does talking therapies and I’ve actually signed up for it. I’m the words of Popeye, ‘I can’t takes it no more’.

Woke up this morning feeling like I had a troupe of monkeys tap dancing in my guts.

Failing that, it’s witness protection.

@HoneyButterPopcorn I found out that my employer offers third-party counselling sessions as part of their employee assistance program and it's been hugely beneficial for me. I hope the talking therapy you're being offered is as useful for you as I've found it for me.

Long-term stress is really bad for you. 20 years ago, and for entirely different reasons, I found myself in some enormously stressful life circumstances. That left me with lingering health issues that I'm still dealing with today. I'm having to be really careful to manage my stress levels with my DM as I know that if I don't then there's a genuine risk I could end up in hospital myself.

My DM doesn't understand (or care? who knows) that I'm not able/willing to drop everything and go and see her every time she's having a bad day. I've got a full-time job and my own life; going to see her in hospital is a round-trip that takes three to four hours depending on traffic. The counsellor I'm talking to is helping me to accept that I'm not superman, that I can't do everything for everyone, and that I can only spread myself so thin.

How are we all doing? DH dragged me out to an exhibition and lunch. Of course had running stream of messages going but hey.

Visited ER in hospital, delivering the enormous bag of fruit and chocolate she'd asked for, and a scarf to cover where they took a biopsy.
The invoice for the house alarm has been paid, with me holding her hand doing it all for her and showing her and saying "is this ok".

Went around to the house after and found an overdue Stannah invoice.
Well, I may well be taking her finance POA into her bank tomorrow to start the process (with some foreboding, as, like everyone, I've heard the stories where they mess it up ). Worst case, I can get it paid next Sat. (Work being done on house so may not be able to go down in the week - we'll see).
There was also one of those outrageous TV licensing letters - I immediately filled in the form saying she doesn't watch any TV at all. (She likes 24/7 R3, and was playing it from her phone in the ward lol - but very quietly!)

The lovely neighbours are feeding the cat and moved some furniture, and there's a special bed now in what used to be the dining room, with some transfer equipment.

So she might be home quite soon.
She seems to have "taken agin" the current care company and wouldn't explain why, but as she's getting care in from someone else - that's up to her.

Crucially, nothing too mad or dangerous is going on, and we have hopefully earned ourselves Sunday free.

Still feeling very low, exhausted and panic attack-y. But at least DH is taking my reaching end of tether seriously.

I am working tomorrow somewhere I like so will be distracted with that.

DH and I have a plan to tackle DM. I will attempt to talk some sense into DM early next week ie a choice between moving somewhere suitable asap and auctioning her house or getting in sufficient help while she clings on and waits for a conventional sale. I'm pretty certain that will fail so DH will be deployed to try next after we have had someone round to assess and quote for some important work on her house. After so as not to provoke her to cancel the upcoming appointment.