Cockroach Cafe - Autumn

Yes, this was our experience. Mine went into A&E over a bank holiday weekend when neither of us could get there - me for medical reasons, DB because he was too “busy”.

She was seen pretty quickly, although was there for 24 hours before going to a ward. Staff brought frequent drinks and offered sandwiches and fruit.

@NeedMoreTinfoil did she "run and bang"?
Impressively athletic if so!
You can't win, those of us with mobile ER watch with horror as they get into scrapes.

If smell is anything to go by, DM's kidney failure has advanced a bit. When I went in at the weekend I could smell DM before I even got into her corridor.

Those were her words, I suspect more of a hobble given the dodgy knees.

@BestIsWest Apologies if you've already explained this, but does your DM really need you or DB to be around to keep an eye on her all the time? What would happen if you were both away?
If she really does, it sounds like there needs to be a discussion about why, and what could be changed so that she would not need it (eg. falls alarm with a care company who would go out in an emergency, community transport to appointments etc). I completely sympathise with the useless brother issue (mine also is apparently unable to remember anything without someone to prompt him multiple times, and too 'busy' to keep a diary or calendar). But isn't the bigger issue here why you can't both be away for the same weekend if you want to?

There has been a first mention of going home, with four carers a day.

However, no one has given me a list of what I will need to do before she can come home.
I'm assuming:

• Key safe needs fitting
• Rearrange downstairs furniture
• Move bed downstairs
• Make sure she has food
• Sort out falls alarm necklace
• Get a plumber to check the downstairs toilet actually works
• Clothes rail/underwear storage.

But who knows...?

She's not going anywhere soon, but I don't want to rush anything

@MittensTheKittens the discharge team / Occupational Therapists ...can... do that, or a lot of the scoping and planning.
Whether they concentrate their efforts more on people with no nearby relatives or friends, well, that's a good question.

There's no downside to fitting a key safe and I don't think it's hard. And ditto checking the loo works!
You can order groceries on the day nowadays with deliveroo etc.
The rest, you may want to see what the OTs say :- they may advise some special sort of bed... Blah blah.

I shall be interested in what they recommend for my ER. She'd deteriorated in the fortnight before she was admitted, and the carers were wrangling her from bed to wheeled commode to stairlift to wheelchair to living room chair.

My plan is to see what the pros advise and go from there. I am retired with my own set of dodgy joints so I'm sure as heck not moving any furniture without good reason and good notice!

@bigdogpaws we have a lifeline alarm service with a pendant and carers going in twice a day. When I say around all the time I mean really on hand to sort any disasters out. I don’t visit every day.

The issue is from my point of view that he is away EVERY weekend, assumes I am therefore on hand to pick up shopping, newspapers, keep her company, arrange and take her to any appointments, do all the admin, sort out the central heating, fix hearing aids or any niggling thing needing doing as if my time is of no value and I’m not allowed a week where I don’t have to think of her needs.

He texted me yesterday to say her central heating wasn’t on and could I sort it out! He was in her house at the time FFS.

@MysterOfwomanY
I'm a practical planner, who wants to feel useful.

I agree. The only blessing dementia gives is that most of the time she doesnt know her situation. On the thankfully rare occasions DM is lucid she is upset.

@MittensTheKittens Social Services can do all of that except for the plumber (at least in my experience). The keysafe was a little nervewracking as technically we need planning permission for it (listed building) but the council conveniently didn't notice that when they installed it and therefore it's become a battle for another day. SS argued the toss about doing the pre-discharge prep, but as two of us have to take annual leave to be able to travel to ER's house, and need at least 2 weeks warning, there was no other way than for them to sort it out for her as part of her care package.

Pushing 60 messages today - and this was my attempted ‘back off’ day.

All quiet on the northern front here.

Wishing you all a stiff gin and a peaceful evening.

Gone quiet here now. May have had a small glass of 🍷with dinner, normally don't bother but it's quite cheap here...

I realised the staff thought mum was in her final few days when they brought in an electric scent diffuser for the room, for everyone’s comfort. “Baby powder”, wasn’t too bad actually and did help. Also helped that it was summer and the window was open.

@funnelfan that's an idea, thank you.

For anyone wondering, when kidneys stop working, compounds like urea build up and come out in the patient's breath. So the patient's area can smell strongly of urea or ammonia.

The only effective treatments for kidney failure are transplant (I'm not offering) or dialysis (DM not suitable).

DM still in hospital, originally with UTI but now with a couple of other issues. Her confusion is improving but in a two steps forward, one step back kind of way.

She's now taken to starting group messages, calls and video chats in the middle of the night to her entire contact list pleading for help, complaining that she's not had any food, saying that I've abandoned her, and demanding to go home. I then get to spend the morning being contacted by random worried people who want to know what's going on. Yay.

Ten messages and one deleted. And I’ve not even had my first cuppa coffee yet. I’m going to plot a graph…

When I read some of the posts on here I'm glad mum never thinks to call/message me. The flip side is she stopped answering the phone so if I called to check up on her/let her know I was coming/ confirm arrangements for an appointment I then had to decide whether to shrug it off and carry on regardless or panic and drive an hour to find her watching TV and insisting the phone can't be working as it didn't ring. Funnily enough it always rang when I tested it from my mobile.

@HoneyButterPopcorn i'll give you an alibi for destroying your ER's phone if you'll do the same for me.

Sadly I’ll just be dispatched to JL toot-sweet with a handful of notes to get a replacement - and then have the trauma of setting it up. 😱

sensory deprivation tanks are looking appealing. Do they make domestic ones? I don’t need anything too big. A barrel will do…

My mums the same , rarely rings me and doesn’t have a mobile and if I ring her , she rarely answers because she hasn’t put her hearing aids in and can’t hear it ringing . However I am only a 10 minute drive from her . Luckily she has carers 2 a day .

Today is banking panic.

Yesterday DM accidentally tried to use her credit card in supermarket instead of debit card and ofc the debit card PIN didn't work. DH stepped in and paid for shopping and when they got back to hers he showed her that "debit" and "credit" is in fact printed on the cards to distinguish them. He also persuaded DM to put the credit card away safely as she never uses it. Apparently she had fished it out in case she needed it to pay electrician for a new bathroom heater (yes that really was broken) and managed to put it in her shopping purse.

Today DM calls in a tizzy because she has worried all night and now thinks she needs to phone bank to change the debit card PIN. Thankfully DH fielded the call and talked her off that particular ledge.