Anyone TTC after a recent early loss and wanting support? (Aug 26)

AF arrived for me this week so I’m starting cycle 4 after my MMC. My cycles went back to normal fairly quickly but are still slightly unpredictable (varying by 2-3 days when before the MMC I used to be super regular). I’ve been coping ok on the whole, but I think the sense of lost time is really difficult, I’m just so bloody frustrated that I’m back to square one with trying every month. That and I think a really basic sense of unfairness; I have at least 10 friends/colleagues/acquaintances having babies this year and that horrible voice in my head says “of course you’re the one that suffered a loss, it would be you”.

I totally empathise with this, @Kathi154.

It took us 8 cycles to get pregnant in the first place and being back at the beginning the better part of a year later feels so unfair (though I appreciate some people have to try for far longer).

The people in my life are popping out babies left, right and centre and it's so hard not to feel sad and jealous. I want to be a mum too 🙁

I really identify with the unfairness and loss of time as well. I know it’s an exaggeration but everyone around me seems to be pregnant at the moment (even my dentist and my PT) and I keep wondering why it didn’t work out for us. There’s also been talk at work of how much of my pregnant colleagues’ work I’ll pick up when they go on mat leave as there are so many going off towards the end of the year, which feels like a double whammy.

Never thought I’d be so excited just to start using ovulation strips again!

Also feeling the loss of time here as well. As I do contract work there is only a period of about 6 months in my contract where I've been here long enough to get occupational maternity leave but have the baby soon enough to still be employed so I get the occupational maternity leave. We're on month 4 of 6.

After that we will have to make a decision of whether we can take the financial hit of keeping trying and then I'll be out of work looking for another job when I want to return rather than looking on maternity while technically employed.

@Springcloud26 100% on the hormones. One day I'm optimistic, happened 2nd cycle, will again etc etc. Next day I'll never have another and everyone in the world hates me!

DHs results came back well above average for motility, volume and concentration so thankfully we're now pretty sure there is no problem there. Which obviously made my super happy last night then upset this morning that that meant there was something wrong with me or that DH has too much sperm to conceive 🙈

@FlyingHighFlyingLow that’s great news on the test results! I’m sure too much sperm to conceive is very unlikely 😂but I definitely relate to the answer to each worry just creating a new one to focus on.

I’m still having good and bad days as well - finding the milestone dates hard. We’re past the 12 week scan appt date but have the day that should have been my 16 week midwife appt next week. Watching a lot of crap TV to take my mind off things - currently rewatching Off Campus 🙈

Hello, I’d like to join please 💜

Slgihtly different situation for me as I had a ruptured ectopic last month, but a loss all the same. I had surgery and lost a tube. I was told to wait one cycle before trying again and I think I’ve just ovulated (4 weeks post surgery) so hoping to get my period in a few weeks and then ready to try again.

Sending everyone lots of love and baby dust ✨

So sorry to hear about your loss @Happymama04, that must have been so much to cope with. Baby dust to you too! ❤️

Anyone doing anything specific to try and stay positive/distract themselves along the way?

I'm really struggling to focus on other (non-baby-related) goals at the moment, even though I normally love my hobbies! It's made me realise how much headspace I've given over to TTC.

Thank you @Springcloud26 @Witchfoot 💜💜

@Witchfoot its so hard to focus on anything else isn’t it! I’ve been reading loads lately and trying to avoid/reduce social media as it’s only a matter of time before I find something triggering! I’m a teacher on summer holidays so lots of time to fill but finding walking, running and exercise classes really useful for my mind!

I’m back at the gym/home workouts which has really helped. And I picked up some old hobbies I haven’t done for a while as a bit of a change, so lots of cross-stitch at the moment! I can’t scroll at the same time so it’s a good break from social media.

TTC can feel like a full-on hobby, so trying to get back into the swing of focusing on other things as well

Very impressed by all your athletic pursuits! I'm normally a gym-goer and runner but I've totally let it lapse since the MC (and to be fair the heatwaves haven't helped!). I've started to play a bit of tennis, but I definitely need to get back into more of a routine overall.

I'm also struggling to resist the lure of doomscrolling! It just feels like the easiest thing when you don't have much bandwidth.

I've started a new book that I've been meaning to read forever, and that's been a good distraction, but sooo often I only manage a chapter until somehow I'm back on my phone 🙈

Hope you had a lovely weekend away from it all @Springcloud26!

I’m in a bit of a book rut at the moment, so any recommendations welcome as that’s another thing to stop me scrolling (for a bit at least!).

I still have absolutely no idea where I am in my cycle or when to expect AF. I’ve stopped spotting which is good, but have felt like I do in the couple of days before ovulation for almost a week, so think it could be a while before she shows up. We decided not to try this cycle but patience isn’t one of my strengths so I’m wishing the time away. Also wondering if taking Coq10 has lengthened my cycle a bit as I’ve read about that happening to some people - has anyone else taken it and noticed the same? Or might just be my body’s taking a while to settle again

Thanks, that’s good to know. Pregnacare made my cycles longer as well, so I’m considering pausing coq10 for now as a longer cycle is the last thing I want this month.

My assumption is purely based on CM and how I’m feeling as well, so not always accurate as I can convince myself of anything.

So hard not to read too much into these things - I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully we’ll see some BFPs on this thread soon 💕and hope we can all keep ourselves distracted in the meantime

I definitely had a longer build up to ovulation with this cycle which is the first after my loss. I had signs for over a week which usually I don’t and then it was finally confirmed with BBT. So hopefully yours is on the way 🤞

What type of books do you like?

Thanks @Happymama04 - there are so many variables it’s hard to know what to expect.

I like pretty much any fiction apart from fantasy/sci fi. I’ve just read a lot of Clare Chambers’ books which I really enjoyed, but not sure what to read next. Tried the Midnight Train by Matt Haig but I’m not getting into it. Favourite recent reads were The Poisonwood Bible and Heart the Lover.