Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

You invited her as a victim of domestic violence.

You didn’t invite her to between her and your partner become a victim in your own home.

You absolutely were not mentally poorly. It had a good chance of working out all right or at least civil. Its not any fault of yours!!!

OP why can’t you go and stay with your own family for a bit?

Oh goodness OP what a situation. Do you have a sibling or a close friend you could stay with for a week, or even a few days just for some respite??

You need to eat and drink or your milk will slow then Baby will have to have formula.

Speak out and get help. This relationship/ set up is abusive.

I can't believe that you own Mum would say something to indicate that you are the one at fault here OP. You were trying to do a nice thing for an older woman who you thought was being abused. Now however, her and your partner are abusing you, and making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, to the degree that you didn't want to venture downstairs for food or drink all day, which you need while breastfeeding more than ever.

I hate to be hard on you OP, as you've really got a lot going on, but in my opinion you really DO have to take a grip of this, and either leave, taking DS with you, or tell your partner that while you thought you would be OK with having his Mum live with you, now that you actually have the baby, it's making you unhappy and uncomfortable having another woman in your home, and particularly one who has made no effort to learn your language so that you can chat and get to know each other, and so he needs to find her somewhere else to live, and in the meantime, you will be staying in a hotel. If he won't agree to finding his Mum other accommodation, then tell him you will be leaving and taking your son with you, as having her there is affecting your mental wellbeing, but you really MUST do this NOW OP, as if you leave it any longer, it's likely you'll lose the plot, and he'll end up getting you sectioned, which it sounds like would be playing right into their hands.

Does MIL know anyone else in the area or just you and your partner? I'm wondering whether helping her find a community/some friends from her country would mean she's out of the house more and give you some space? Also is she having any english lessons? It would get her out of the house and maybe she'll make friends there even if not from her country, and help you to communicate. Your situation sounds really horrible but getting her out of the house more might make it a bit more tolerable in the short term.

Just breathe OP. Make a plan for the next few days. It’s not a bad idea to stop in your bedroom and nest with baby. You can venture out for food though. Work through your options. So you can’t go to your mums. That means you are in this house for now. Can you be assertive enough to reclaim your home? Your husband and MIL don’t sound as though they have your best interests at heart. I think you really will have to have that heart to heart with your husband to tell him that this isn’t working for you. But you may need a plan of what to do if that escalates. Take all the post natal support you can and ask for help. You are essentially being abused in your own home. I would learn a few phrases is MIL’s language- google translate can help. I’d suggest “no” “I prefer not to” “baby needs to be with mum” “Please don’t do that”. I appreciate that this is your home and you do co-own it, but you have to question whether you can stay if your DP insists his mum is staying long term. Your relationship and the home you have built may not survive this. If that is the case, on the table has to be an option to both sell up and go your separate ways or for one of you to keep the house and one to go.

What an awful situation
Your partner really isn't considering your needs and is putting his mother first and foremost.
She needs to go.

How often are you seeing your MH team?

Have you sat "D"P down and told him that his mother has made your life unbearable? She can take a long walk off a short pier or go to the shops for more baking stuff weather permitting. He doesn't seem to care one bit about your mental health or might he and her actually bank on you not coping? No one would be able to cope in that kind of environment OP, OCD or not.

Can she stay with SIL?

Do you have access to money to stay elsewhere for a week just you and baby so that you can make plans to leave?

When you agreed to allow her to come and stay - rather than asked her to - you naturally expected her to behave in a civil respectful way. To you, your child and your home. She isnt doing that, she is controlling the space.

Leaving an abusive man and relocating within the same country would not be classed in the UK as abduction, as far as I'm aware. I may be wrong of course.

What you should do is when you get up in the morning, or last thing at night, pop into the kitchen and grab enough drinks and snacks to get you through most of the day, as you cannot go everyday without eating and drinking enough, you must hydrate and nourish yourself.

I'm be speaking with your healthcare practitioner that you see for support for leaving him, getting his abusive behaviour towards you logged, as that will help with custody arrangements. As you're breastfeeding, he should not be allowed baby overnight until he turns 2yrs old.

Please seek legal advice regarding separating. Can you afford to buy him out?

OP, you have literally said 'I'd actually be better off fully on my own as I'd feel more comfortable contacting the crisis team to visit me at home if need be. I'll be significantly more stressed if she is there and I'm worried the crisis team will cart me off to hospital and leave DS with her', so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do what I suggest earlier, and get out of there NOW!! Tomorrow morning, gather together the stuff that you need for yourself and baby, and go check into a hotel. Stop procrastinating, and thinking that it will all work out, it's not going to, and you need to act NOW to prevent the pair of them manipulating you out of your own baby's life.

Do not tell DP or his mother about that medication, and hide it well.

Good job with the hot chocolate and watching telly. Are you saying DP wouldn't agree to you and baby taking a mini holiday for a couple weeks? What if you told him you'd go to your mother's, would he actually forbid you going?

What if you get the MH team to recommend you get out for a week? Fighting fire with fire - since MIL and DP are so concerned about your wellbeing surely they would be supportive when the MH team recommends it?

See a solicitor to find out what your rights are re custody and property xx

Sweetheart, it sounds exactly as though you’d been kidnapped by a cult and held captive until your baby was born,
Now the child is here, their plan for the future does not include you, or at least, your input or value.
You have to get yourselves out of there you know; everything you wrote in your earlier thread indicated that you were in deep trouble with a spouse so alien in cultural values that you hadn’t a hope with him, but now it’s critical to the point of danger and criminal (or at least morally repugnant) acts to curtail your activities.

Could you ferry odds and ends (eg important documents) to your mum’s house as a matter of urgency? Stash lifeline stuff there while you plan a final escape from his family’s clutches.

This is the most distressing thing I’ve read here in ages. I’m so sorry for your anguish, OP; you deserve so much better than this mistreatment and abuse.

Can you find a baby or toddler group near you OP? Preferably a little church based one. I think you should find one for today or tomorrow and go with baby, as hard as it might be.

It can be a bit hard, especially if you feel like everyone already knows each other, but at the very least (in my experience) the women that usually run these groups will be some of the nicest women you will meet and will go some way towards you feeling less isolated and offer real life advice tailored toward the services available in the area.

I am concerned that people responding to your posts are increasing your irrational worries. I only say irrational, because that's the flip side of this. It does seem to me from reading your posts that you could turn everything on its head and actually (apart from your partner shouting at you or call you a retard) your mil isn't doing much harm at all - putting socks on a baby is just not really something to worry about and your fear that she would bond with him more than you if she minded him while you were at work, does seem very irrational - other people have child minders, grandparents etc and they don't worry about or have to deal with that eventuality.

Anyway, I would just think you could perhaps try and rationalise some of the things you are so concerned about and see if you can see another side to them, that isn't so destructive to your mental health. It seems to me that you could do with the support and hiding in your room is only going to increase your partner and your mother in laws worries about you.