Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

I think there's lots of posters on this thread who haven't seen the first one.

Talking to her partner is not going to work he's abusive and controlling.

OP is 5 weeks postpartum and has had a circus of people through her house at her husband's will - none of whom are there to support her.

At 2 weeks pp she was SLEEPING ON THE SOFA because her DP wanted to sleep in peace and he had guests staying in the spare room.

I actually don't think there's ever been a thread on Mumsnet that's filled me with so much rage.

It's not even a case of him moving his mum in under my feet. Back when I was pregnant and we found out that she was in an abusive relationship, we discussed it between us (me and DP) and I felt we should ask her to move in. I'm regretting that so much now. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking

I think there's lots of posters on this thread who haven't seen the first one.

Talking to her partner is not going to work he's abusive and controlling.

OP is 5 weeks postpartum and has had a circus of people through her house at her husband's will - none of whom are there to support her.

At 2 weeks pp she was SLEEPING ON THE SOFA because her DP wanted to sleep in peace and he had guests staying in the spare room.

I actually don't think there's ever been a thread on Mumsnet that's filled me with so much rage.

I am definitely having second thoughts about the relationship but I'm not yet at the stage where I'm planning to do a midnight runner. I don't feel mentally able to cope with anything like that and physically I'm safe (I know many women in abusive situations say that but I really am okay physically). Yes my mum technically has a bedroom but I'm very uncomfortable at her house, there's an array of reasons for that but that's a whole other thread. I don't drive either leaving would need to be planned and arranged.

I have raised concerns to my partner. We're buying MIL a second hand TV for her room. That's not to say she's not welcome in the living room at all but I think it will be better if we spend some nights together then other nights doing our own thing.

I reclaimed my spot on the sofa. It was quite awkward. I came downstairs with DS asleep in my arms, she was in spot on the sofa next to the moses basket. I politely asked her to budge up on the sofa and she misunderstood me (I'm not sure how as I said "excuse me") and thought I was asking her to hold DS so she took him off me and sat back down. I then sat on the other sofa and asked her to put DS in his basket. As she was doing that I went and took the spot on the sofa. It may seem like a silly thing to be so obsessed with having a particular spot on the sofa but when I'm sat it here it means I can see DS, comfort him with my hand when he cries and pick him up when he cries without having to stand up and walk across the room. I really felt quite stressed when she was sat there, it felt like somebody else's home and somebody else's baby. Its a small social etiquette that she was completely missing

I'm inclined to think that your husbands overarching objective is to move his whole family to the UK.
You and the baby are just things which give him grounds to achieve his objective; aka pawns in his game.

MIL has also brought a horrid cold with her (she must've picked it up on the plane) and I know that is just one of those things and not her fault but that has been stressing me the fuck out as well. Her toothbrush was touching mine before in the toothbrush holder and she's been leaving her used handkerchief on the coffee table. I am certain I'm getting ill too. I know these are little things but they all are interfering with my peace. DP brings colds home all the time but it just feels less gross when it's your partner who is ill as you are so intimate with them anyway. When it's someone else ill in your home it feels much more yucky. Even the sound of her blowing her nose has been stressing/irritating me. I know I'm sounding unreasonable here as she has to be allowed to live her life and be comfortable but I just wish I'd thought it through more before offering. I can't get my head around the fact that this is a permanent move, there's no "buggering off" date I can look forward to. The thought makes me feel ill.

Home should be my safe cosy space and it just isn't.

I made a thread a couple of weeks ago about the struggles I have been experiencing since having my baby. The struggles have been with my partner and his family. He had various family members from his home country visit for 10 days when my baby was 2 weeks old and I found it incredibly difficult and ended up having to see the peri-natal mental health team.

I had issues with my partner critiquing my parenting in front of his family members. I also was bleeding, recovering from birth and trying to establish breastfeeding and had other people in my house, hovering, grabbing baby off me etc. It was hell. They finally left after 10 days and I felt better (though I've still been dealing with post-natal OCD symptoms and severe anxiety/intrusive thoughts but I've been working with the peri-natal team). I had strong words with my partner about how he had made me feel and he has been much better and much more supportive.

Unfortunately things have gone to shit again. A few months ago back when I was still pregnant, DP's mum (I'll just refer to her as MIL as it's easier) who was living abroad with her partner revealed to my partner (over the phone) that her boyfriend had become emotionally abusive. Me and my partner spoke about it and we agreed that he could tell her that she could come and live with us if things got too bad. She said she'd think about it. I felt sorry for her.

In the past few days she has taken us up on the offer and has flown over and moved in. My partner isn't from the UK originally and his mum does not speak English and I don't speak their language. I was kept updated on the arrangements of her moving here but I haven't directly spoken to her in detail due to the language barrier.

She arrived on the 20th October. By all intents and purposes it seems like it's going to be a permanent move. I'm so regretting saying that she can come. She's in her 60s with a health issue and unlikely to ever work or move out.

I can't natter with her as we don't speak the same language. She keeps grabbing 5 week old DS off me. I can't breastfeed downstairs as I'm uncomfortable with her seeing my breasts. She has taken my spot on the sofa in between where DP sits and DS's moses basket and she will sit and rock the basket when DS cries meanwhile I am on the small sofa where I can't even lie down. She keeps rearranging the kitchen. She comes from a culture that is taboo about mental health and she is always in the living room so I've had to ask my mental health support team to let me come to their office for appointments as I'm uncomfortable them coming to my home - I had to travel to a psychological appointment (that would usually be a home visit) in the storm today with DS on the bus. She stays up until midnight most nights.

I won't go as far as saying I want to kill myself but I feel like I've ruined my motherhood and family life and our new home which we just purchased a few months ago. I hate myself, I should never have offered for her to live with us.

I'm feeling extremely vulnerable as it is with the post-natal OCD. My main comfort and way of distracting myself from the OCD thoughts was by getting myself cosy on our sofa, cuddling/feeding DS, getting a bit blanket over me and having cuddles and chats with DP whilst watching a comfort show. That has gone now, it's been taken away. Even watching TV we have to watch it dubbed in their language with English subtitles as she doesn't speak English and her eyesight is too bad for her to have the subtitles.

Despite exclusively breastfeeding my period has also returned at 5 weeks PP and I am bleeding incredibly heavily. I am essentially living in adult nappies and in terrible pain (I have endometriosis). I keep flooding my pads and through my clothes and I was in A&E yesterday where they had to give me a prescription to slow the flow of blood. Im so physically uncomfortable and I can't even lie down and relax on my sofa and I feel trapped upstairs in the bedroom as I keep leaking blood

I don't know what to do. I have ruined my life. I don't know how I can get rid of MIL now and I feel like a terrible person for even wanting to. Life barely feels worth living. I need to get all of this off my chest and DP is sat downstairs chatting to his mum so I can't talk to him. I genuinely feel lost and like I'm in hell and like there's no way out.

My mum is supportive over text/over the phone but she is a full time carer to my autistic sibling and I can't go and stay with her/live with her due to my autistic sibling having severe mental health issues.

I feel so lonely

I made a thread a couple of weeks ago about the struggles I have been experiencing since having my baby. The struggles have been with my partner and his family. He had various family members from his home country visit for 10 days when my baby was 2 weeks old and I found it incredibly difficult and ended up having to see the peri-natal mental health team.

I had issues with my partner critiquing my parenting in front of his family members. I also was bleeding, recovering from birth and trying to establish breastfeeding and had other people in my house, hovering, grabbing baby off me etc. It was hell. They finally left after 10 days and I felt better (though I've still been dealing with post-natal OCD symptoms and severe anxiety/intrusive thoughts but I've been working with the peri-natal team). I had strong words with my partner about how he had made me feel and he has been much better and much more supportive.

Unfortunately things have gone to shit again. A few months ago back when I was still pregnant, DP's mum (I'll just refer to her as MIL as it's easier) who was living abroad with her partner revealed to my partner (over the phone) that her boyfriend had become emotionally abusive. Me and my partner spoke about it and we agreed that he could tell her that she could come and live with us if things got too bad. She said she'd think about it. I felt sorry for her.

In the past few days she has taken us up on the offer and has flown over and moved in. My partner isn't from the UK originally and his mum does not speak English and I don't speak their language. I was kept updated on the arrangements of her moving here but I haven't directly spoken to her in detail due to the language barrier.

She arrived on the 20th October. By all intents and purposes it seems like it's going to be a permanent move. I'm so regretting saying that she can come. She's in her 60s with a health issue and unlikely to ever work or move out.

I can't natter with her as we don't speak the same language. She keeps grabbing 5 week old DS off me. I can't breastfeed downstairs as I'm uncomfortable with her seeing my breasts. She has taken my spot on the sofa in between where DP sits and DS's moses basket and she will sit and rock the basket when DS cries meanwhile I am on the small sofa where I can't even lie down. She keeps rearranging the kitchen. She comes from a culture that is taboo about mental health and she is always in the living room so I've had to ask my mental health support team to let me come to their office for appointments as I'm uncomfortable them coming to my home - I had to travel to a psychological appointment (that would usually be a home visit) in the storm today with DS on the bus. She stays up until midnight most nights.

I won't go as far as saying I want to kill myself but I feel like I've ruined my motherhood and family life and our new home which we just purchased a few months ago. I hate myself, I should never have offered for her to live with us.

I'm feeling extremely vulnerable as it is with the post-natal OCD. My main comfort and way of distracting myself from the OCD thoughts was by getting myself cosy on our sofa, cuddling/feeding DS, getting a bit blanket over me and having cuddles and chats with DP whilst watching a comfort show. That has gone now, it's been taken away. Even watching TV we have to watch it dubbed in their language with English subtitles as she doesn't speak English and her eyesight is too bad for her to have the subtitles.

Despite exclusively breastfeeding my period has also returned at 5 weeks PP and I am bleeding incredibly heavily. I am essentially living in adult nappies and in terrible pain (I have endometriosis). I keep flooding my pads and through my clothes and I was in A&E yesterday where they had to give me a prescription to slow the flow of blood. Im so physically uncomfortable and I can't even lie down and relax on my sofa and I feel trapped upstairs in the bedroom as I keep leaking blood

I don't know what to do. I have ruined my life. I don't know how I can get rid of MIL now and I feel like a terrible person for even wanting to. Life barely feels worth living. I need to get all of this off my chest and DP is sat downstairs chatting to his mum so I can't talk to him. I genuinely feel lost and like I'm in hell and like there's no way out.

My mum is supportive over text/over the phone but she is a full time carer to my autistic sibling and I can't go and stay with her/live with her due to my autistic sibling having severe mental health issues.

I feel so lonely

I am definitely having second thoughts about the relationship but I'm not yet at the stage where I'm planning to do a midnight runner. I don't feel mentally able to cope with anything like that and physically I'm safe (I know many women in abusive situations say that but I really am okay physically). Yes my mum technically has a bedroom but I'm very uncomfortable at her house, there's an array of reasons for that but that's a whole other thread. I don't drive either leaving would need to be planned and arranged.

I have raised concerns to my partner. We're buying MIL a second hand TV for her room. That's not to say she's not welcome in the living room at all but I think it will be better if we spend some nights together then other nights doing our own thing.

I reclaimed my spot on the sofa. It was quite awkward. I came downstairs with DS asleep in my arms, she was in spot on the sofa next to the moses basket. I politely asked her to budge up on the sofa and she misunderstood me (I'm not sure how as I said "excuse me") and thought I was asking her to hold DS so she took him off me and sat back down. I then sat on the other sofa and asked her to put DS in his basket. As she was doing that I went and took the spot on the sofa. It may seem like a silly thing to be so obsessed with having a particular spot on the sofa but when I'm sat it here it means I can see DS, comfort him with my hand when he cries and pick him up when he cries without having to stand up and walk across the room. I really felt quite stressed when she was sat there, it felt like somebody else's home and somebody else's baby. Its a small social etiquette that she was completely missing

I am definitely having second thoughts about the relationship but I'm not yet at the stage where I'm planning to do a midnight runner. I don't feel mentally able to cope with anything like that and physically I'm safe (I know many women in abusive situations say that but I really am okay physically). Yes my mum technically has a bedroom but I'm very uncomfortable at her house, there's an array of reasons for that but that's a whole other thread. I don't drive either leaving would need to be planned and arranged.

I have raised concerns to my partner. We're buying MIL a second hand TV for her room. That's not to say she's not welcome in the living room at all but I think it will be better if we spend some nights together then other nights doing our own thing.

I reclaimed my spot on the sofa. It was quite awkward. I came downstairs with DS asleep in my arms, she was in spot on the sofa next to the moses basket. I politely asked her to budge up on the sofa and she misunderstood me (I'm not sure how as I said "excuse me") and thought I was asking her to hold DS so she took him off me and sat back down. I then sat on the other sofa and asked her to put DS in his basket. As she was doing that I went and took the spot on the sofa. It may seem like a silly thing to be so obsessed with having a particular spot on the sofa but when I'm sat it here it means I can see DS, comfort him with my hand when he cries and pick him up when he cries without having to stand up and walk across the room. I really felt quite stressed when she was sat there, it felt like somebody else's home and somebody else's baby. Its a small social etiquette that she was completely missing