Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

Surely she cannot just up sticks and move to another country? Visa? Intent to stay?

You need to have your MH appointments at home. Tough if your partner and his mother don't like it.

Use Google translate to get some key phrases and write them down, like
please let me make the decision about what baby wears. Etc

This.

OP can't just go to her Mum's she has already explained that her mum is caring for a sibling with complex needs and it wouldn't be suitable. Would the partner actually be OK with sitting down with the partner to set up the MIL with a new home. Previously it appeared he behaved abusively in baby's first weeks. But OP knows better if that is worth a try or not... It comes across as she tells him what the issue is and then he and his family do what ever they want anyway.

I think OP.. your mental health issues would be greatly reduced if you weren't in this horrible situation.

Don't blame yourself for agreeing when you were in good health before the baby was born. Also. How could you know how awfully they would all be behaving.
It sounds like you agreed when you were well... and then she turned up without warning and he's OK with her staying for good.

Please talk to Women's Aid or ask them if they know of somewhere that you can get help. Maybe moving closer to your Mum but in your own place? Also. talk to your mental health team... they must have some ideas or suggestions of how you can resolve these problems? Be frank and let them know you need help, not with the practicalities and that if these were solved, your health would improve too.

Maybe someone on here knows of a legal helpline that would be able to suggest your options for getting out of the mortgage. Get hold of all your important documents and stash in a safe place now.

I'm sure there is a way out of this difficult situation if you seek out all the support you can find. Fingers crossed for you. x

I think there's lots of posters on this thread who haven't seen the first one.

Talking to her partner is not going to work he's abusive and controlling.

OP is 5 weeks postpartum and has had a circus of people through her house at her husband's will - none of whom are there to support her.

At 2 weeks pp she was SLEEPING ON THE SOFA because her DP wanted to sleep in peace and he had guests staying in the spare room.

I actually don't think there's ever been a thread on Mumsnet that's filled me with so much rage.

I agree with the Google translate suggestion but definitely NOT "please let me make the decision about what baby wears". Don't ask MIL for permission to do anything with your baby. Use instead "I make the decision about what baby wears."

Stop messing around OP, be as rude & abrupt as you can with her, piss her off twice as much as she pisses you off.

I'm inclined to think that your husbands overarching objective is to move his whole family to the UK.
You and the baby are just things which give him grounds to achieve his objective; aka pawns in his game.

Some of this is tricky, but there are immediate things you can and should do.

Move the Moses basket to wherever you're sitting (and tell your DP to move and sit on the little couch if you're uncomfortable).

If she tries to grab the baby, make it abundantly clear that she can't take him. If you don't have a common language, shake your head, turn your body, or put up a hand to show you want her to stop. She won't wrestle the baby off you if you don't release him (and if she did, that would be more than enough reason to kick her straight out). Have your partner explain that she needs to ask, not grab the baby. Even without speaking the language she can learn a simple phrase like "can I take him?" And understand yes or no.

Tell your partner to explain that you have a medical appointment at x and she needs to vacate the living room at this time... stop putting yourself out because of her feelings around mental health.

Then give yourself some time to decide how long you are willing to live with her and tell your partner clearly what you are comfortable with. If you can't find an agreement that you are both happy with, this may mean breaking up but you can't be unhappy with your living situation forever just to keep him happy.

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry to hear this. We are all here for you.
Your man needs a very firm reminder of where his priorities lay. You are the mother of his child. He needs to have your back. If he doesn't, start planning your exit to move out with baby to a safe property of your own. You can do this, I promise, and there's help out there.
I would have some honest convos with your perinatal health team about how he and mil make you feel, and be clear that they are not being supportive and taking baby off you, which imo is a hard no - no-one should take baby off you because it's disrespectful.
Build up your support network, ask the perinatal MH team if they have extra support for you like mum and baby groups.
Things will get better, you're not alone xxx

I agree with @Tulipsriver but I also think you should cut to the chase and divorce the cunt. He's put you through hell & is clearly owned & controlled by his fucking awful family, it won't get any better.

You need a deadline for her to move out - agreeing to her moving in so she can escape an abusive partner is a different question to her staying permanently.

Point her at English classes at your local college. And point her at Women's Aid.

You're probably going to have to have an awkward conversation about who sits where in the living room.

They're not married so she wouldn't even have that to worry about!

OP i read your original post . I am horrified you are still with your partner and still putting up with his selfish shit and his family.
You must stick up for yourself and tell him that his mum goes or you and your baby go. She can't live with you , it is ridiculous and if he can't see that he is even more of a twerp than he appeared to be in your last thread.

I dont think the solution right now is mind games and power plays or putting a tv in the guest room. The solution is for OP to leave with the baby if only for a week or two to get some space and rest. Op hiw possible is it to go to your mums even just for a break?

What country are they from OP? This sounds awful for you

Even better!

I read your first thread and can’t believe the latest news that the MIL has moved in. Just no …

There is no point discussing anything with your partner, he's as useless as a chocolate teapot. He'll tell you any old shit to shut you up and then carry on letting his family treat you appallingly.
Get rid of him and get proper legal advice re your half of the house.

This with bells on!

She goes or you go.

Well done on taking these important steps to reclaim your space. This will not be last time so take heart that thus works

Hello there

I'm autistic and have severe OCD - currently in recovery. As it goes, I also have a well paid job with a lot of responsibility that I'm good at. The reason that I mention this is to demonstrate that it's entirely possible to have significant MH challenges and also be successful.

I say this with absolute kindness, but I recognise some of what you talk about as being typical of my perspective when my OCD is overwhelming and everything seems out of control. In these scenarios, I can't cope with other people at all. I just want them to fuck right off and leave me the fuck alone. It's like being permanently under attack, and I mean serious attack, as if I have to fight for every inch of space or else I'll go under.

I'm not letting your DP and his family of the hook, more sharing my experience in case it's useful for you.

So things I've done to save myself / keep myself afloat when I'm drowning:

Got into weekly face to face therapy (that I pay for) so I'm in control of that pipeline of support and not at the mercy of whatever services that have been cut to the bone can offer.

Redesigned my bedroom so it's my safe space. I do share a bed with my husband, but the bedroom is mine, and sometimes he has to sleep in his study or the lounge. This safe space is non negotiable. I can stay in there for days if I need to and noone can barge in.

Took up a solo activity - swimming in my case. Cold water is very soothing for OCD.

Kept a daily journal and separately a gratitude album in pictures. These are my things and they're private. I don't have to answer to anyone else.

The thing I find hardest about coping with OCD is letting go. Having spaces just for myself meant I had little windows to let go for a minute and cut myself some slack while acknowledging that I was really struggling.

I hope it gets easier.