I’m feeling like I dont know what else to do and he’s getting worse and worse
Context - he’s the youngest with a big age gap, when he was about 2 weeks old i found out his dad had been having an affair with a much younger woman who was around the same age as my then stepson (18). I stayed with him but I really struggled to bond with DS due to PND most likely but I wasnt ever diagnosed. He just reminded me of his dad’s affair and we eventually split for good when ds had just turned 2, after i found out about his dad’s debts.
His dad still had contact with him although it did get more sporadic especially when id started a new relationship and he still wanted me back. Contact then stopped when he was 7 because his dad was arrested and accused of a serious offence, the other parents knew and kept their children away from ds even though we weren’t together and i was mostly involved in his schooling and doing all the school runs. We moved a few hours away for a fresh start and we were happy and ds was a sweet little boy
His dad ended up being found not guilty after 2 years, ds was about 9 but contact was still sporadic. Then 6 years ago my dd passed away due to an accident, and I think since then i’ve been softer on him. I also probably didn’t parent him right because I was struggling mentally
He started secondary and he lasted about a term before i deregged him. I z planned to homeschool atleast some parts but he wasn’t very receptive and I was struggling with my mental health, anxiety and depression and I also had agoraphobia which I am now getting help for but a while I didn’t and maybe I neglected ds in some way because he did what he wanted and the years passed and he’s now 16 and he’s awful. I feel like i’ve made it worse because he would smash his phones and to give me peace id get it replaced or fixed because i couldn’t deal with it.
Hes mouthy and regularly swears at me, goes out drinking and smokes cigarettes but i wouldn’t be surprised if he does drugs. I dont know where he goes or who with. He watches really violent porn and when i found it on his phone i tried talking to him about it and he called me a perv, I have put blocks on his phone but he gets around it somehow. He says racist language and is causing issues with a neighbour who overheard it, I don’t share his views/don’t use the language/slurs at all so I don’t know where he’s got it from but he laughs and says it’s not aimed at them but it’s stressing me out. I’m really at a wits end with him, we’ve had yet another argument today over his room being a tip and he told me he’s not my fucking slave and called me a useless bitch for refusing to help him tidy it and find his vape. He’s now gone out
He’s really stressing me out and I know I should’ve done more but I don’t know where to go from here
I haven’t posted every little thing as I don’t want this to be super long