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Original poster

Should we pay for daughter's celebratory meal

156 replies

Eluj · Today 14:59

Our daughter married long term partner abroad . She asked if we minded if they just had a quiet cremony in a registry office with no guests. We said it was fine by us so long as they are happy and its what they want. She has come to UK ( although living abroad) to see my parents and my sister directly after marriage abd we have all agreed to have a nice meal in a restaurant to welcome newly weds. I think we should pay the resurant bill ( 9 of us) Husband says no.
Am I being unreasonable to insist we pay bill. We can afford it.

OP posts:
myheadsjustmush · Today 18:14

Congratulations to your DD!

You pay for 8 of you to attend a lovely meal - and your DH can stay at home with a cheese sandwich.

I think it a lovely offer from you @Eluj - and your DH sounds tighter that a ducks backside!

socialbatteryisdead · Today 18:17

You still haven’t explained why he doesn’t want to pay?

NiftyKoala · Today 18:18

Tight men are SUCH a turnoff. I hope DD new DH does not take after her stingy father. Ick.

Calliopespa · Today 18:19

Koriko · Today 18:13

YANBU, it's a really nice gesture and I can see why you'd like to contribute to your daughter's wedding celebrations. If your husband is dead set against it at least pay for the bride and groom.

If your husband is dead set against it at least pay for the bride and groom.

This might be your best compromise if he really can't bring himself to host a small celebration OP.

LaughingCat · Today 18:22

Need to know why he doesn’t want to before making a decision here. You’re not unreasonable to want to pay but I don’t know whether his reasoning is just as valid.

Carjuke · Today 18:23

Why doesn’t your husband want to pay ?

Mnetcurious · Today 18:24

Tell your husband it’s far cheaper to pay for that meal than to contribute towards a big fancy wedding. He’s got off lightly!

PrettyPickle · Today 18:29

I would be interested to know why your husband said no? Do you know his rationale?

Personally, whilst by no means necessary, I think it would be a lovely celebratory and welcoming gesture on their marriage.

Presumably you would have hosted them for the month had they just been visiting.

ginasevern · Today 18:31

@Eluj Well I don't know if you should pay, but it would be a perfectly normal thing to do for your child. If she'd had a traditional wedding then it is standard for parents to help pay towards it, or even pay for all of it! So your husband is getting off lightly. Why is he so against it? Is money tight or does he not like her new husband or he just mean spirited?

OldPyjamas · Today 18:32

Whilst he'd have respected my views, my dad would have been really upset that he hadn't got to walk me down the aisle

I have daughters and my dh hasn't walked any of them down the aisle when they married. None of them agree with being 'given away'. They walked down the aisle arm in arm with groom. Mother in law was scandalised. It took a lot of explaining. She maintains it's 'stupid' but we pay that no mind.

Dh seems not to have minded, he still got to play FoB and do a speech. I think missing out on 'that' would have proper upset him.

mrsm43s · Today 18:34

Yep, and I'd be gifting them at least £10k as a wedding gift towards their house deposit as I'd have expected to pay at least that much towards their wedding.

Sidebeforeself · Today 18:38

mrsm43s · Today 18:34

Yep, and I'd be gifting them at least £10k as a wedding gift towards their house deposit as I'd have expected to pay at least that much towards their wedding.

Edited

Hilarious.

OldPyjamas · Today 18:38

Wow, did you even read fhe op?

This poster was being sarcastic.

bowwowwowzer · Today 18:44

I think it'd be a lovely gesture. Just pay the bill if you really want to - why do you need DHs permission?

OldPyjamas · Today 18:45

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all but, as another woman who's been married for a long time, I wouldn't advise either paying for the dinner against your husband's wishes OR meekly submitting to his wishes at the expense of your own, but finding a compromise

I've been married for a very long time, but this is such a tight-arsed attitude I would stand my ground and there would be no acceptable compromise.
Having said that, I can't imagine dh not insisting on paying. It would be me clenching my jaw at the big hole in the bank balance.

AutumnCrowing · Today 18:46

VisitingInkMonitor · Today 18:11

Why doesn’t he want to pay OP - please explain as otherwise no one can actually offer any perspective

It’s one of those guessing game threads. Keeps the active levels of engagement up.

Roselilly36 · Today 18:49

I can only think there must be some past history as to why your husband does not want to pay, or did he pay for or towards the wedding. Perhaps you could comprise and agree you will pay for food and guests buy their own drinks or something like that. It sounds a lovely idea to celebrate their wedding with a family meal, which you say you can afford, tbh if I was in this situation I would be telling DH not to be such a misery guts and pay for the meal.

LancashireButterPie · Today 18:49

Of course he should bloody pay, mean bugger!!

OldPyjamas · Today 18:50

Yep, and I'd be gifting them at least £10k as a wedding gift towards their house deposit as I'd have expected to pay at least that much towards their wedding

Hmm, not in the spirit of the thread, but not 'all' parents have that much money to play fast and loose with.

Pinadaqx2 · Today 18:57

Your DH doesnt get to decide how you spend your own money. Is he tight usually?

Calliopespa · Today 19:00

OldPyjamas · Today 18:50

Yep, and I'd be gifting them at least £10k as a wedding gift towards their house deposit as I'd have expected to pay at least that much towards their wedding

Hmm, not in the spirit of the thread, but not 'all' parents have that much money to play fast and loose with.

I sort of agree. It's the attitude not the quantum.

Advocodo · Today 19:25

Yes I would definitely pay for the meal. Your daughter has saved you a fortune by having a quiet wedding. Congratulations to your daughter.

jonnyboyandme · Today 19:36

its your daughter so yes you should pay.

leperol · Today 19:40

Oh FFS tell us why he won't pay. Or don't bother, I'm off to read other threads now. Byeeee. Can't be arsed with this kind of shite.

TheLastSilverSaint · Today 19:48

OP, a few people have asked you why your husband doesn’t think you should pay for the meal but for some reason you won’t answer.

It would help people a great deal with their answers here if you could explain the reasons he gave for his objection.