Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we pay for daughter's celebratory meal

123 replies

Eluj · Today 14:59

Our daughter married long term partner abroad . She asked if we minded if they just had a quiet cremony in a registry office with no guests. We said it was fine by us so long as they are happy and its what they want. She has come to UK ( although living abroad) to see my parents and my sister directly after marriage abd we have all agreed to have a nice meal in a restaurant to welcome newly weds. I think we should pay the resurant bill ( 9 of us) Husband says no.
Am I being unreasonable to insist we pay bill. We can afford it.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · Today 15:32

Your husband is tight-fisted and mean. Considering the huge amount of money that many parents pay for their daughter's wedding, paying a restaurant bill for nine people is a very small price to pay to celebrate his own daughter's marriage with friends and family.

Freshrain · Today 15:32

I'll be honest, if any of my dc lived abroad, and I only got to see them occasionally, when they flew in to spend time with us and Grandparents, I'd treat them to a lovely meal out without a special occasion to celebrate.

The fact it is a chance to have a little celebration of their wedding, there would be no question (finances allowing).

Has your dh articulated why he doesn't want to ?

Neuronimo · Today 15:32

YANBU it sounds like a lovely idea.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · Today 15:32

Unless you really can’t afford it, it would be nice to pay for it.

Your husband is being mean.

Ponderingwindow · Today 15:32

Is he actually upset he wasn’t at the wedding? That is the only reason I can think of for that parents not paying for this meal.

MerryAquaKoala · Today 15:34

EgregiouslyOverdressed · Today 15:01

It would be a lovely gesture. Why on earth does your husband say no?

Agreed

Ponderingwindow · Today 15:34

@freshrain makes an excellent point. Even without the wedding, you are celebrating your child’s visit. A child who just paid for expensive plane tickets. Paying for dinner if it doesn’t hurt your budget is pretty standard.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · Today 15:35

My brother married abroad without us and my parents paid for the family party when they got back. Your DH is being mean.

Ponoka7 · Today 15:37

Is it that he doesn't want to pay for your sister/parents? You should cover your DD's and Son in law's meal. She's saved you a fortune by marrying the way she has.

PercyGherkin · Today 15:40

Agree with everyone else. If you can afford it, I can't imagine why you wouldn't. There has to be a backstory, surely?

SillyG · Today 15:42

Pay for the meal.
Your husband doesn't have to.

Ooodelally · Today 15:43

Your husband sounds like a miserable, miserly turd of a man!

BoomerWatkins · Today 15:45

Ok tightwad, you pay for you, I’ll pay for the 8 of us.

Namenamchange · Today 15:46

You can pay, you don’t have to do what your husbands says. If he doesn’t want to, thats up to him, but why would that mean you can’t?

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · Today 15:46

I would want to pay. I would also want it to be somewhere special.

RuinartRuination · Today 15:46

YANBU but equally, your DH wouldn't be unreasonable to not pay, but if you can afford it and are happy to, then why wouldn't you.

Your daughter is probably delighted that they were able to get married in their own way without drama from her parents, even though I'm sure on some level you were disappointed. I suspect your DH felt very hurt by the whole thing?

If I were him, I'd swallow my feelings, have a lovely celebratory dinner with the newlyweds and make the payment gesture.

Yetone · Today 15:47

Do you have joint access to money because I would be
aging for it if I were you.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · Today 15:49

It sounds like he doesn't want to pay for your family, you say there are 9 people for the meal so who are the other 2 ?
as there's the newly weds - 2, you and dh - 2, your parents - 2 and your sister - 1 that makes 7.

Is your husband's family not invited to this meal, why not ? distance or does he not have family.

What about the groom's family - where do they come into this.

or is it just a meal for your side of the family i.e. the bride's parents aunty and grandparents ?

JacknDiane · Today 15:52

Jesus @Eluj, it must feel like a loooong life being married to an arsehole like that.

Mischance · Today 15:57

Mean old git ......

When my DD had a landmark birthday, she and her friends went for high tea in a famous expensive cakeshop. When the time came to pay the bill, the waitress was able to say it had already been paid by her mum - tears all round.... she loved the gesture.

Can you pay? I would if I could.

GloriousAutumnLeaves · Today 15:59

Mischance · Today 15:57

Mean old git ......

When my DD had a landmark birthday, she and her friends went for high tea in a famous expensive cakeshop. When the time came to pay the bill, the waitress was able to say it had already been paid by her mum - tears all round.... she loved the gesture.

Can you pay? I would if I could.

That is such a beautiful gesture, so thoughtful! 💐

No wonder there was a few tears!

NiftyKoala · Today 16:01

Your husband is ridiculous. I cannot imagine NOT doing this for my child.

Gwenhwyfar · Today 16:04

DollopOfFun · Today 15:01

Why is he saying no? Tight arse.

Yes. It'll be much cheaper than a wedding, which traditionally the bride's parents pay for.

pilates · Today 16:05

Of course, it’s the right thing to do.

MitohMit · Today 16:05

What is wrong with your husband, OP?

My god.