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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should we pay for daughter's celebratory meal

123 replies

Eluj · Today 14:59

Our daughter married long term partner abroad . She asked if we minded if they just had a quiet cremony in a registry office with no guests. We said it was fine by us so long as they are happy and its what they want. She has come to UK ( although living abroad) to see my parents and my sister directly after marriage abd we have all agreed to have a nice meal in a restaurant to welcome newly weds. I think we should pay the resurant bill ( 9 of us) Husband says no.
Am I being unreasonable to insist we pay bill. We can afford it.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · Today 16:11

MitohMit · Today 16:05

What is wrong with your husband, OP?

My god.

This, really. I think most of us would think this is a lovely thing to do, and pretty minimal in the scheme of things. Is he usually a tight fisted twat? It’s not a nice quality.

Thisisthecorrectresponse · Today 16:12

Whilst he'd have respected my views, my dad would have been really upset that he hadn't got to walk me down the aisle and see me get married. Is it traditional and some might say old fashioned? Yes. But then so is my dad. Part of it, though, is about respect...I wonder if your husband is querying the new husband's attitudes and beliefs? Why so private? They already live a long way away. I think a long and honest conversation about everything needs to happen.

CheltenhamLady · Today 16:13

OP you have a DH problem. He begrudges paying for a family meal when you can afford to do so. One which effectively replaces a wedding breakfast. I am aghast. I would simply pay myself and ask him to pay for his own.

We almost always pay when we take our DC out. They offer, but we refuse.

PenelopeShadow · Today 16:15

notspringingback · Today 15:03

Why does he get to decide?

It’s a perfectly normal, kind thing to do for your child.

By the same token...why does she get to decide?

Gourdgirl · Today 16:15

What a nasty mealy mouthed fucker

FookFookFook · Today 16:18

Whats his reasoning?

was there upset over the wedding?

JanuaryLove · Today 16:21

I'd be pointing out how lightly he got off but how hard he will be hit if you divorce his ungracious ungenorous arse

Original poster
Eluj · Today 16:21

Thisisthecorrectresponse · Today 16:12

Whilst he'd have respected my views, my dad would have been really upset that he hadn't got to walk me down the aisle and see me get married. Is it traditional and some might say old fashioned? Yes. But then so is my dad. Part of it, though, is about respect...I wonder if your husband is querying the new husband's attitudes and beliefs? Why so private? They already live a long way away. I think a long and honest conversation about everything needs to happen.

We are a traditional family and both our child and partners parents have been married for over 40 yrs. We holiday together and have all got on well. We knew when they chose a quiet wedding it was because it's what THEY wanted. Tbh we agreed they did the right thing as they are saving money for deposits.
Both my husband and I are delighted. They make a great team . I have been to many weddings over the years and seen at least half end in divorce .

OP posts:
TheLastSilverSaint · Today 16:21

I mean, you don’t HAVE to pay for it - but if you can afford it, I really don’t know why you wouldn’t want to.

Your husband sounds like a right tight bastard. It’s one meal that’s going to cost a fraction of what a wedding would have cost. What’s his problem?

EgregiouslyOverdressed · Today 16:22

Eluj · Today 16:21

We are a traditional family and both our child and partners parents have been married for over 40 yrs. We holiday together and have all got on well. We knew when they chose a quiet wedding it was because it's what THEY wanted. Tbh we agreed they did the right thing as they are saving money for deposits.
Both my husband and I are delighted. They make a great team . I have been to many weddings over the years and seen at least half end in divorce .

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So can you please explain his objection so we can give you informed thoughts on your AIBU?

notspringingback · Today 16:24

PenelopeShadow · Today 16:15

By the same token...why does she get to decide?

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I’m not saying she should. I’m asking why he thinks he gets to.

CostcoFanofThree · Today 16:24

She’s come to the UK to see your parents and your sister (odd she’s not coming to see you, she’s not staying at yours either I assume).
Your husband (sounds like he has zero attachment to her) isn’t the bio dad is he?

DawnBreaks · Today 16:28

Thisisthecorrectresponse · Today 16:12

Whilst he'd have respected my views, my dad would have been really upset that he hadn't got to walk me down the aisle and see me get married. Is it traditional and some might say old fashioned? Yes. But then so is my dad. Part of it, though, is about respect...I wonder if your husband is querying the new husband's attitudes and beliefs? Why so private? They already live a long way away. I think a long and honest conversation about everything needs to happen.

Why so private? Because it’s their wedding, therefore their choice! A long, honest conversation as to why her Father is such a miserable tight wad?

if my kids are happy then I’m happy. ❤️

TealHacks · Today 16:29

Why on earth wouldn't he want to pay? He doesn't sound particularly nice.

Notbuiltforheat · Today 16:30

Why aren’t you answering about why your husband does not want to pay? And are you going to pay yourself?

Favouritefruits · Today 16:30

If you can afford it I think that would be lovely!

Fidgety31 · Today 16:32

Is he her dad ?

Wayk · Today 16:35

I would 💯 pay.

Purplecatshopaholic · Today 16:42

Eluj · Today 16:21

We are a traditional family and both our child and partners parents have been married for over 40 yrs. We holiday together and have all got on well. We knew when they chose a quiet wedding it was because it's what THEY wanted. Tbh we agreed they did the right thing as they are saving money for deposits.
Both my husband and I are delighted. They make a great team . I have been to many weddings over the years and seen at least half end in divorce .

Show quote history

Err, so what’s his issue then…?

watchingthishtread · Today 16:44

Is he usually a tight arse?

Jamlighter · Today 16:47

I think that would be a lovely gesture. what is husband's objection

Tryagain26 · Today 16:51

I would pay and my husband would agree but we usually pay anyway when we have meals out with our adult children and grandchildren.
Why doesn't your husband want to pay? I'd have thought most parents would want to celebrate their daughter's marriage given they weren't at the wedding.

Thesque · Today 16:51

Most parents I know would insist on getting the bill for any meal out, let alone their DD's wedding celebration.
I can only assume he is sulking because she diecided on a small wedding?

PepsiBook · Today 16:51

Yes, you pay

Freshrain · Today 16:51

Eluj · Today 16:21

We are a traditional family and both our child and partners parents have been married for over 40 yrs. We holiday together and have all got on well. We knew when they chose a quiet wedding it was because it's what THEY wanted. Tbh we agreed they did the right thing as they are saving money for deposits.
Both my husband and I are delighted. They make a great team . I have been to many weddings over the years and seen at least half end in divorce .

Show quote history

So why is it he has decided he doesn't want to treat them to a nice meal ?

It seems odd to ask us AIBU, but then not answer the very reasonable question that many of us have asked, about finding out why he doesn't want to offer to pay, even more so now you have said he is happy for them and gets on well with them and understands and supports their choice of having a tiny wedding without you.