Page 4 | Should we pay for daughter's celebratory meal

TrueCrimeFanatic · Today 16:55

In our family, DH and I are the relatively way more financially comfortable than anyone else and he would insist on paying the bill. My only concern is that my step son occasionally mentions that he feels uncomfortable that we pay all the time and he insists on paying occasionally ( we then have the ‘no, we’ll pay, no you won’t we’ll pay’ dance)

prehaps your DH is concerned someone in the party will feel uncomfortable with you paying?

Bellyblueboy · Today 16:55

In these circumstances most parents would pick up the bill.

what is your husband’s reason to object? Is he normally like this? Can you afford the meal?

Makebelieveanotherlife · Today 16:56

What a mean father she has.

Namechangewegovyjune26 · Today 17:01

Eluj · Today 16:21

We are a traditional family and both our child and partners parents have been married for over 40 yrs. We holiday together and have all got on well. We knew when they chose a quiet wedding it was because it's what THEY wanted. Tbh we agreed they did the right thing as they are saving money for deposits.
Both my husband and I are delighted. They make a great team . I have been to many weddings over the years and seen at least half end in divorce .

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So why doesn’t your DH want to pay for it?

A meal out for 9 people would cost a lot less than contributing to a wedding I bet!!

Thisisthecorrectresponse · Today 17:01

DawnBreaks · Today 16:28

Why so private? Because it’s their wedding, therefore their choice! A long, honest conversation as to why her Father is such a miserable tight wad?

if my kids are happy then I’m happy. ❤️

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My point was that the dad may have these views that are clouding his ability to see clearly and therefore they ought to chat properly about it rather than assume he's just being tight. He might need someone to remind him his child is now an adult with adult views and the right to privacy, for example.

Namechangewegovyjune26 · Today 17:01

Bellyblueboy · Today 16:55

In these circumstances most parents would pick up the bill.

what is your husband’s reason to object? Is he normally like this? Can you afford the meal?

It says “we can afford it” in the OP?

Sidebeforeself · Today 17:04

KilkennyCats · Today 15:05

Yes, of course you should.

I don’t think they “ should” as in feel obliged to but I do agree it’s a nice thing to do. I don’t think it will cost £500 though as a PP suggested! I’d reckon on a grand

TheBlueKoala · Today 17:04

@Eluj Well, since your husband doesn't want to pay why don't you unilaterally decide that YOU will pay?

diddl · Today 17:04

If I was one of the people who had agreed to this I'd be expecting to pay for myself so for someone else to pick up the bill would be a nice surprise!

godmum56 · Today 17:06

Eluj · Today 16:21

We are a traditional family and both our child and partners parents have been married for over 40 yrs. We holiday together and have all got on well. We knew when they chose a quiet wedding it was because it's what THEY wanted. Tbh we agreed they did the right thing as they are saving money for deposits.
Both my husband and I are delighted. They make a great team . I have been to many weddings over the years and seen at least half end in divorce .

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so why is he saying no?

NotAtMyAge · Today 17:09

Thisisthecorrectresponse · Today 16:12

Whilst he'd have respected my views, my dad would have been really upset that he hadn't got to walk me down the aisle and see me get married. Is it traditional and some might say old fashioned? Yes. But then so is my dad. Part of it, though, is about respect...I wonder if your husband is querying the new husband's attitudes and beliefs? Why so private? They already live a long way away. I think a long and honest conversation about everything needs to happen.

More than 58 years ago DH and I married at university in the smallest possible register office wedding, with no guests and only the required witnesses. It wasn't what my parents had hoped for but they still supported us 100% and never once reproached us. It was an unforgettable day for us both and we are still in love and utterly content.

Happyjoe · Today 17:13

It would be a lovely thing to do, why doesn't your husband want to be lovely?

Awkwardisfunny · Today 17:14

Eluj · Today 14:59

Our daughter married long term partner abroad . She asked if we minded if they just had a quiet cremony in a registry office with no guests. We said it was fine by us so long as they are happy and its what they want. She has come to UK ( although living abroad) to see my parents and my sister directly after marriage abd we have all agreed to have a nice meal in a restaurant to welcome newly weds. I think we should pay the resurant bill ( 9 of us) Husband says no.
Am I being unreasonable to insist we pay bill. We can afford it.

Who normally pays for a wedding and the meal after? Could you pay for your child/in-law and nobody else?

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · Today 17:15

Why is he saying no then? He’s her dad and happy for her. You can afford it. It’s drop in ocean compared to what a big wedding abroad would have cost.
I’d say you are paying as you want to celebrate them.

movingtotheslowlane · Today 17:17

Of course you should pay it. It’s just 9 people. It won’t be that much and it would be a lovely gesture to the married couple.

Does your H squeak when he walks?

Sidebeforeself · Today 17:19

movingtotheslowlane · Today 17:17

Of course you should pay it. It’s just 9 people. It won’t be that much and it would be a lovely gesture to the married couple.

Does your H squeak when he walks?

“ It won’t be that much” 🤣

Charlenedickens · Today 17:20

Why is he saying no? Are you financially struggling? Is he tight?

movingtotheslowlane · Today 17:20

Sidebeforeself · Today 17:04

I don’t think they “ should” as in feel obliged to but I do agree it’s a nice thing to do. I don’t think it will cost £500 though as a PP suggested! I’d reckon on a grand

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Depends if there is much alcohol drank tbh.

9 of us recently went to a Michelin star restaurant, 3 courses, one glass of champagne and the bill was just under £500.

BreadInCaptivity · Today 17:21

it would help to know why your husband doesn’t want to pay before commenting further.

Voltorb · Today 17:21

Sidebeforeself · Today 17:19

“ It won’t be that much” 🤣

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Compared to contributing to a wedding, flights, accommodation and the general expenses of a wedding the meal will absolutely not be "that much".

bridgetreilly · Today 17:21

I don’t think you should pay - there’s no obligation in these circumstances. But since you want to pay, and can afford to, your husband doesn’t get to tell you not to.

Calliopespa · Today 17:21

Has he given any explanation for this attitude?

In the absence of further reasons, he seems like a right tight arse.

Charlenedickens · Today 17:22

If you’re struggling for money you could offer to pay the couples and your own and every one else pays theirs ?

FateAmenableToChange · Today 17:22

I guess as the father of the bride he has already paid for the wedding abroad, no doubt also travel and accommodation for various family members. Perhaps its just one thing too much, and they can cover this small thing themselves, given he has already paid for so much.

*nb: the sarcasm directed here at this prince amoung men is heavy

bearinthebigbluespouse · Today 17:22

hell would freeze over before my DH would let our kids pay for a meal out with us, and in this scenario it's unconscionable not to!!