MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

Op I'd go round later, you are both working, so weekends are precious.

MIL we'll be round a bit later we are going for a swim, walk, shop etc first.

I will be easier to arrive later than leave earlier

I went with the title, MIL trying to prohibit him from 'calling for his friend' ... which suggests she's also trying to ban him from going next door, playing at their house, in their garden. She wants him to sit in her house all fucking day while she doesn't engage at a child's level ever.

For context we are there one day every other weekend and the visits are the whole day - about 10.30-5pm or later

I have always absolutely loved my grandparents, but this is overkill. No wonder he's bored.

An honest conversation about everybody’s expectations of the visit would solve this one, with compromises on both sides.
OP we are working grandparents, currently recovering from an overnight stay. If you listen to the situation from an older person’s perspective and remember this could be you 20+ years down the line, it might help? A powerful image.
Personally I’d reduce the length of the visit and frequency, for your sanity! Tough gig X

miserable old buggers. why not be happy that he is happy.

Tell them that if that is their position they must play with hm. Bring board games, cars/ whatever he is into. Let him tell them all about his latest interest at length. Don't step in. I bet after (half) an hour they will be begging him to go.

I don't know how you actually say "MIL we are finding the visits too long and boring"

I think a better approach is to go down the road of next "Sunday we'll be a bit later taking kids swimming or something first"

This is definitely a Quality over Quantity situation

Why do they need to be bored when there is an alternative. It just means that they will associate being bored with going to the grandparents and won’t want tomorrow go.

I don't see the point of kids being bored at Grandparents.
We have one set that fully engage with the kids the others are almost kids should be seen and not heard, let's sit in the room with 4 seats.
So then they wonder why the teens sit on their phones. The day is coming when thsy decide to stay home.

My children, their spouses and grandchildren would have no problem in telling me that they are bored. It would be a statement not an argument and we would all need to do something about it. It is just who we are. We say what we think and I prefer it that way. I want my grandchildren to feel relaxed and happy when they are here, not to have to worry about being on their best behaviour. I certainly wouldn’t mind if they invited friends over.

I think children should be encouraged to make and maintain friendships and therefore I’m afraid I think your IL’s are being incredibly selfish here.

My own family would be an open conversation, this is boring let's get a game out.

DH family, would be a different kettle of fish. Would be best dealt with by reducing visits.

They are friends at school, they can be see each other in OP's own time. It's not like they live miles away and only see each other a couple of times a year, they go to school together

I think this is very sensible OP.

I think people are giving you a hard time about entertaining your DS, but I know I find it much harder to entertain my DS at my PILs than at home or at my parents.

My parents are in their 70s try and make an effort and have a few toys around etc. and are happy for DS to go off and play. They don't play with him all day long and I wouldn't expect them to, but they will listen whilst he talks about Minecraft for a bit.

Whereas my PILs are in their 80s and want DS to sit at the table with them whilst they talk at length about acquaintances/distant family members who me and DS have never met, and DH might know a little. In particular, it's often focussed on which elderly acquaintances have passed away and what health conditions they had. They are lovely people but honestly I struggle with the visits and I can tell DS struggles too.

I can see why it is especially tricky if you have a 1-year-old too and the visits are so long and frequent.

'If necessary perhaps we just won't stay as long, or let my son go over just to the neighbours garden at the very end, again specifying that they aren't allowed in the grandparents garden, but they can come to our house to play at a time when we arrange.'

That sounds like a really good compromise, a whole day sounds a bit too much for him.

As a dc my dgm's ndn had a dgc called Margaret .
We were great friends.
As an adult with my own dc we walked into a cafe in our home town and there was a grown up Margaret!
Recognised her immediately and hadn't seen jer for at least 20 years!
Your ils sounds really bloody mean..
They reminded me of mine. Mil regularly took toys off baby ds and declared he should be happy just sitting on her knee.
.

For context we are there one day every other weekend and the visits are the whole day - about 10.30-5pm or later.

This sounds absolutely hellish!

Who has time to spend an entire day in someone else’s house, every other Sunday?Surely you have other things to be doing OP?

I’d be offering them 10am to 12pm or 12pm - 2pm, maximum. If they want to spend any more time than that with their grandson, they can have him on their own until 5pm. The entitlement to your time is unbelievable!

Yes, indeed they are. I read the OP in full. But thank you for checking.

Why would it be awkward to not be allowed in MIL’s garden?

'"it won't kill kids to be bored while visiting the grandparents" are the lazy type who cause the boredom in the first place. I've never heard it from anyone I consider interesting and engaging!'

The fact you’re able to generalise about these people so confidently suggests this is a topic of conversation you have with unusual frequency. I can’t say it comes up often among the people I know, and certainly not among anyone I’d describe as particularly interesting or engaging.

After reading your updates, OP, I think the visits are simply too long, particularly with a grandparent so inflexible that they take umbrage at a six-year-old going to play for a couple of hours during a seven-hour visit.

I'd tell them in advance what time you'll be leaving and stick to it. You can make plans for afterwards if you need an excuse, but I wouldn't even bother. I'd simply say, "It's a very long day for the kids, so we'll be heading off at X."

We have long visits because they stop over due to distance - it drags at their house or ours despite everyones best efforts. It's a long period of time for such young kids or even near adults we have now- you may just have to get better at leaving.

I think playing it by ear at length in future and having more weekend with sports will all help.

But yes a few hours playing with neigbour in such a long visist seems fine but clearly isn't want they want. We tend to do walks out to break things up.

Net mummers? 😳🤣