MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

I'd tell MIL calmly but firmly it wasn't up to her if he saw his friend. I would however ask DS not to bring his friends to in laws house as they don't like it and for him to call on his friends every other visit to in-laws at a maximum so he is still spending time with his grandparents.

Your in laws sound controlling. He's a little boy. Let him play for a bit!

Playing with other kids is not equivalent to eating sweets. In fact it’s very good for them.

He is your child. In-laws don’t get to dictate. You are the parent. They sound really closed off, boring, and wanting everything on their own terms.
Just no.

Arrange play dates for times you're not visiting ILs. I wouldn't allow my DC to do this, I'd think it was rude for them to go off when we're visiting family.
Children don't need to be entertained at all times, there's nothing wrong with them getting bored. It's also good for them to learn to interact with adults and younger children.

Part of the fun of going to visit family was meeting up with school friends who lived near them. It was so exciting.

Op, as a granny to 8 ranging from 4-21 I only want to see my grandchildren happy and if I had to share their visits to me I’d be okay to facilitate visits with friends. In fact I’d have their friends into play in the garden and have their tea here.

Is if possible your inlaws don’t feel involved with your children and the visits are very big in their head and emotions to the extent they don’t want to share the children. ETA - My grandchildren play a very big part in my life and I’m not jealous of them spending time with others.

I think I’d be looking into that.

Poor kid. It sounds really boring for him. How often do you go to the GPs?

Bonkers. I had friends who I only saw when I visited my grandparents. Beyond asking my DGPs for permission to go out and play, they weren't involved at all. Although I would occasionally go over to the friends' houses, they never came over to my DGPs' house other than to play in the garden with me. DGM would occasionally pop out with fruit or cookies for us, and DGF would make sweets and chocolate suddenly appear as he stomped past. They were delighted to see me having fun.

Occasionally my DGPs would say I couldn't go out to play that day because they were having guests and wanted me around, too. But because the default position was that I could ususally play with my friends, it felt like a reasonable compromise (even though I would often be bored, and knew that I had to be on best behaviour becaus my DGPs were showing me off and were massively proud of me).

I don't understand parents or grandparents whose default is to selfishly keep the children for themselvves, rather than feel joy at the children's happiness.

Sounds like they just don’t want to have the neighbours children in their house which I think you should respect. I don’t see an issue with your son spending some time with family and then going to the neighbours though.

Why?

Why what?

Can’t you entertain you own child?

Arrange separate play dates with neighbour’s child. Assume the neighbours children don’t come round to in-laws

That is unfair. Of course her son wants to see his friend. The MIL sounds sour and not a nice grandmother. It is quite hard to entertain your child at someone else’s home especially when their mind is where they would rather be.

You're replying to the wrong comment, since nothing you said is relevant to mine.

I don’t think she sounds sour. I think she doesn’t feel as relevant in her grandchildren’s lives as she’d like to you and is struggling with her emotions.

I agree. I think it's really rude, unless you are staying for a few days in which case it would be ok to pop out somewhere else for a couple of hours.

Well she is the one who should be playing with and entertaining her grandson if she wants a good relationship with him as we do when our children and grandchildren visit.

I also think the OP has deliberately buried the lead.

There are neighbours' kids wandering in and out of her mother in law's house when this happens. And she hasn't said how often they visit.

OP has not posted with details in good faith.

Yes but the in-laws don’t interact with him, they just want him to “present” @Hellotodays I would take a game of snakes and ladders or dominoes and say to GPs, “grandad DS has been looking forward to playing this with you!” If they still don’t want to actually engage with him meaningfully, but want adult conversation whilst he has to be there for their vanity but not involved, then that is selfish and I would let him call for his friend

I can see that the IL don’t want neighbours child running around their home.
so you can organise two visits, one to see the friends and one to see ILs. Or ask next door neighbour if she’s happy for your son to knock but to stay at hers as your MIL is being annoying.

In what way is the MIL being annoying?

Well perhaps she’s trying to and this situation is part of a bigger picture involving the family.

though the kids go back and forwards between the two houses the in laws seem a bit annoyed when they are at the in laws house

To be fair, why should your in-laws have to host a play date with a random kid from their street with zero connection to them?

I don’t see the problem with your child going over to the other child’s house for an hour or so once he’s had some time with his grandparents, but YABU to expect grandparents to want an extra child who is nothing to do with them in their house when they’re already hosting family.

We have this too - my DS’s friend lives next door to the GPs. I would allow him to pop over there sometimes, but only after he’d sat with the GPs for a while and had a nice chat and a snack or something with them. I’d also expect him to be with us for a meal if that was the plan.