MIL has forbidden DS to call for his friend when we visit

I guess if you're going to see your in laws then really you should spend time there.

I get annoyed with my own kids going back and forth between the neighbourhood kids, in and out, it can drive me mad, I can see why your in laws wouldn't fancy it.

Can you arrange a seperate play date with the neighbours?

As long as your DS doesn't disappear EVERY time you go to visit his grandparents, in my opinion it shouldn't be a problem, but if he's started to go next door every time you visit, then they're probably feeling a bit hurt that he appears not to want to spend time with them.

He's 6. Maybe he really doesn't want to spend time with them. At that age they need a bit of entertaining and you or the ILs need to do that or he'll find something else they don't want him to do.
What does he do at home if he's on his own? Do the ILs just want to look at him and not actually do anything with him?

If the in laws are not interacting with your son, why should he be bored staring longingly at his friend? Tell the in laws he is bored and cannot play with the littlest, so do they want to play with him or do an activity with him throughout the visit. If no, ok then he can call on his friend. Otherwise try declining some visits and take him on a playdate with the neighbours instead. Your DH can always pop to see them whilst you and DS are busy.

Adult visits are so dull for kids at that age. I would ask him to spend an hour or so at first and be back for the meal, but otherwise to stay at the neighbours’ house rather than running back and forth. If nobody is playing with him what is he expected to do? I remember vividly when my cousins weren’t at my grandparents house and I had to just sit while they all were chatting, I wasn’t even allowed to read because it was “rude” in company.

During the primary school years I was allowed to take a friend to my grandparents, to stop being bored. However what's the set up of the house like? Are they getting cold with the door getting opened? Can they just come in the back way, or is the door getting knocked on by the minutes? I can see why that would get on an older person's nerves. Ultimately it's their house and they don't want the other children in it.

Your in laws are absolute fools - what a way to make your grandchild not want to visit.

What is he supposed to do? Sit and gawp in awe at simply being in his grandparent’s presence? If they are not going to interact with him, and he has exhausted all other avenues of entertaining himself, then he can go and play with the neighbour or you can leave. It’s that simple.

Being bored for a few hours at his grandparents’ house won’t harm him. In fact, stepping in to prevent him from experiencing any mild discomfort or boredom can do him a disservice, as learning to cope with these feelings is part of healthy development and helps build resilience and emotional regulation.

Even if his grandparents aren’t actively playing with him, there’s value in spending time with family and building those relationships. Your DH could always speak to them about ways they can engage him.

There’s also nothing stopping him from playing with the younger children. He’s only six himself, and I’m sure there are plenty of games they could play, even if it’s not quite as exciting as playing with his school friend.

Ultimately, you can arrange playdates with his friend at other times, rather than expecting to fit them in during visits to the grandparents that you’ve already committed to.

Are you saying you see the in laws every or most weekends? They are bu. If this is the case, I’d reduce the amount of time I see them if they are like this with my dc.

Youre going to visit grandparents and he disappears to his friends? If so that’s really rude. While he’s too young to understand basic manners, you aren’t. I’m not surprised at MN saying it’s fine to be rude to your in laws, but in real life I don’t know anyone who would do this.

If he's bored take a big box of toys, colouring pads, jigsaws and games and give them to the ILs when you arrive. When they've exhausted everything in that box then he's allowed to go elsewhere.

My mother's house is a freezing cold museum and my daughter hates going. But i take her and make her granny play with her as otherwise she moans she never sees her.

It sounds like the main issue is that he’s bringing the neighbour kids into their house to play. I can see how that would be annoying for them. I think it would be more fine they played outside, but he needs to first spend time with his grandparents and he should eat with the rest of the family at their house, not the neighbours,

I can see why they don’t want another kid playing in their home when their grandson has come to visit. Kids can be bored for a couple of hours. I remember having to go and visit elderly relatives for hours on end having to just sit and listen to them chat. No phones etc to distract in those days. I do think its a little rude you go and visit and he goes off and knocks for a friend. So see their point.

But OP says her DS gets bored of playing alone, with his parents or with much younger children.

Why aren’t ILs doing more to interact with him? It would be rude if he left an activity with then, that isn’t happening.

I think it seems that they don't want the neighbours kids in their house which is their prerogative . But maybe neighbour doesn't want your DS there all the visits either . Playing outside for awhile but meals with GPs a possibility? It's all very well saying that they want to spend time with the DCs but they should actively engage with them .

I don't think it's unreasonable to want your visitors to just visit you and not combine it with a playdate

Im in my 20s and this was also my experience of grandmas house. It was dull as anything, and it didn’t make me want to visit. It may be ‘normal’ but it’s not something to aspire to imo.

Children would rather visit an engaged grandparent, or at least one who lets them pay with their friends if they aren’t going to!

That doesn’t sound like a very fond memory though? There are plenty of opportunities to be bored as a kid, I think it would be nicer to have fond memories of playing with his friend while visiting grandparents instead of remembering being bored and ignored

I guess it depends on a lot of variables here. How often are you there and for how long? What is the actual problem? That he’s away or that he’s inviting someone into their home? I think it’s very unfair to assume your in-laws are happy to host regular play dates but if you’re there every weekend for hours and hours I can’t see why he couldn’t spend some of that time playing outside with a friend.

Firstly, boredom isn’t the end of the world. And what a ridiculous idea that a child can’t be entertained by himself, with other children or alone. Of course he can. Playing with his friends might be more fun but sometimes we forgo a more fun activity because of a prior engagement. He’s not old enough to understand why it is awful manners to go to visit someone and then ditch them for something more fun, but his parents are supposed to teach him.

We all have friends, family or acquaintances who are a bit dull. That doesn’t make it okay to be horrible to them. The in laws are clearly not okay with being ditched in favour of a friend, and imo its the right thing to say no to DS.

Many children would rather eat sweets for every meal and never have a bath. Adults are there to teach children, not just let them do what they want all the time.

They have a house full and then other random children are joining and coming and going. I can see why that is annoying.

I haven’t voted as I think it depends on lots of things. How often do you visit them? How much time do you spend with them when you do visit? How often does your dc play with next door in comparison?

If you only pop in for an hour once a week I think it’s fine to ask him
to stick around but if your there 4 hours then that’s slightly different.

That being said I am a firm
believer that relationships work both ways and if they don’t try and engage with him
they can’t be upset when he wants to spend time elsewhere

Teach him what?

That he should give his full attention to grandma and grandad, but get nothing in return from them.

No thanks.

Is it not also awful manners to invite your grandson over and make no effort with him? No helping to cook, helping in the garden, crafts, playing toys, books?

If they were engaging more, I’d have agreed with you but it sounds like they’re doing nothing and complaining when he quite naturally wants to play with friends instead.