Page 8 | Would you help in these circumstances

Mamma1383838 · 2026-10-17T14:14:46+00:00

Friend did a massive favour for me a while back. It didn’t cost them anything, but it saved me thousands. At the time we didn’t have much so I bought a small gift as thanks. They recently asked me to lend them a significant sum of money, repaying over a long time period. It’s a lot, more than we‘d want to give away, but we could afford to lose the sum now if it came to it. I don’t want to mix friendship and money but I want to help. It’s for a nice to have rather than for something essential. Would you lend them the money? Curious as I know the general advice here is not to.

OffTheMap · Yesterday 19:43

They showed up for you when you needed them and really helped you
You have been close friends for a long time and consider them trustworthy
You agree that a cash flow loan for them would really help them
They have offered T&C and interest.

I would , as suggested by a pp, put your DH in the front line of the agreement. I wouldn’t ask for interest but would say ‘what is the repayment plan and over how many years. I wouldn’t ask suggest monthly payments and no more than 3 years.

I’d do it OP.

OffTheMap · Yesterday 19:46

it would be like if they gave me free professional advice out of their own time for a fixed number of years.

This is a big and valuable commitment. Many people are time poor..or they could have been giving time to paying clients

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 19:52

Laurmolonlabe · Yesterday 18:48

No, i know you feel obliged because of the favour- but it cost nothing, so it's nothing like lending a significant amount of money for something which isn't necessary.

I think it’s more that friend’s favour gave me peace of mind over a long period. It allowed us to make other decisions freely without worrying about money.

I would think lending to my friend would be sort of similar by avoiding having a credit card debt or bank loan debt hanging over their head. If they were suddenly in financial difficulty I could obvs be more flexible with repayments.

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ChampagneLassie · Yesterday 19:52

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 18:15

Yes it’s very much this (though I’m not confirming or denying the amounts you’re suggesting).

I think I want to say yes, but if it’s a yes I need to make sure I’ve worked through any doubts. MN is good for that because most people are saying no!

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I certainly would do this. I’m very much about do favours where you can and I’ve found people have been very generous to me. I’ve lent money on 3 occasions and each time it was my suggestion as someone was explaining their predicament. None for what is describe as close friends. It just felt the right thing to do. I guess I judge people’s character, I think most people are decent and wouldn’t stiff someone on cash

MerryAquaKoala · Yesterday 19:53

In this case it's relevant to know what your friend did for you, and it's relevant to know what they have asked for. Tough to say otherwise.

ChampagneLassie · Yesterday 19:55

I just told my DP your story and he said as you’ve saved more than they’re asking to borrow surely you just give them it as thanks for the favour they did you and how much you saved! Alternative perspective

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 19:58

ChampagneLassie · Yesterday 19:55

I just told my DP your story and he said as you’ve saved more than they’re asking to borrow surely you just give them it as thanks for the favour they did you and how much you saved! Alternative perspective

It’s still a significant sum. It would probably be passed on to DC in time and they will certainly need everything we can give them. It’s just that we don’t need it now.

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blackhorsesxx · Yesterday 20:02

F

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:04

ChampagneLassie · Yesterday 19:55

I just told my DP your story and he said as you’ve saved more than they’re asking to borrow surely you just give them it as thanks for the favour they did you and how much you saved! Alternative perspective

What do you think @ChampagneLassie ?

lessglittermoremud · Yesterday 20:05

ChampagneLassie · Yesterday 19:55

I just told my DP your story and he said as you’ve saved more than they’re asking to borrow surely you just give them it as thanks for the favour they did you and how much you saved! Alternative perspective

A fair perspective though and a good idea!

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 20:07

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 19:58

It’s still a significant sum. It would probably be passed on to DC in time and they will certainly need everything we can give them. It’s just that we don’t need it now.

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I guess in that case I should be asking whether I am happy to risk a part of DC’s inheritance for my friend. So it comes back to integrity. And I think that they would repay me, even if it took longer than planned, they would do it.

It’s not my first experience of lending - when I had much less my friend was suddenly caught short and needed a bridging loan. It was a significant but affordable sum to me so I helped her and she paid me back as soon as she could, with an amazing thank you gift on top. Our friendship went on for much longer though eventually we lost touch. So I don’t think it’s always true that lending money means losing the money and to friendship.

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Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:11

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 20:07

I guess in that case I should be asking whether I am happy to risk a part of DC’s inheritance for my friend. So it comes back to integrity. And I think that they would repay me, even if it took longer than planned, they would do it.

It’s not my first experience of lending - when I had much less my friend was suddenly caught short and needed a bridging loan. It was a significant but affordable sum to me so I helped her and she paid me back as soon as she could, with an amazing thank you gift on top. Our friendship went on for much longer though eventually we lost touch. So I don’t think it’s always true that lending money means losing the money and to friendship.

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Oh come on - i really don’t get the impression that this is a gigantic sum. It is 1/2-2/3 what she saved you. Ao what we talking…. A few k?
You have no reason to suspect this very close and very good friend will scam you over. So the inheritance talk seems a bit naff

lessglittermoremud · Yesterday 20:11

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 20:07

I guess in that case I should be asking whether I am happy to risk a part of DC’s inheritance for my friend. So it comes back to integrity. And I think that they would repay me, even if it took longer than planned, they would do it.

It’s not my first experience of lending - when I had much less my friend was suddenly caught short and needed a bridging loan. It was a significant but affordable sum to me so I helped her and she paid me back as soon as she could, with an amazing thank you gift on top. Our friendship went on for much longer though eventually we lost touch. So I don’t think it’s always true that lending money means losing the money and to friendship.

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But your children wouldn’t have it to inherit if your friend hadn’t save you thousands in the first place?
And as the other poster pointed out they are asking for less then they saved you, around half?
So your children are still ahead of where they would have been had your friend not helped you?

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:12

Is your DH still too busy to talk? Because really it’s his opinion that is the one that matters to you and his alone. He knows the intricacies of the situation whereas we know pretty much squat all

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:13

lessglittermoremud · Yesterday 20:11

But your children wouldn’t have it to inherit if your friend hadn’t save you thousands in the first place?
And as the other poster pointed out they are asking for less then they saved you, around half?
So your children are still ahead of where they would have been had your friend not helped you?

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and talking about inheritance etc just seems so overblown at this stage. A very good close mate. No reason to think that their inheritance is being risked. It all seems a bit drama seeking now

MountainRoadMist · Yesterday 20:14

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 15:36

Yes that’s right. It would be upsetting to lose that sum of money but not impactful. It would otherwise go into long term savings for kids.

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Just lend them the tenner.

Bigcat25 · Yesterday 20:14

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 16:48

It was more than a one off favour. To take your example, it would be like if they gave me free professional advice out of their own time for a fixed number of years.

To answer other questions, if it wasn’t for them we would have managed but we would have had to spend a large sum of money to sort the issue. And the sum we saved because of them is larger than the sum they are asking for.

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In this case, and considering you think they have integrity, and it's less then the amount they saved you, I would.

The people on the other threads who never paid back aren't really relevant.
It sounds like your friends character is different. If they hadn't done the favour though, I wouldn't support them asking you.

Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 20:25

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:11

Oh come on - i really don’t get the impression that this is a gigantic sum. It is 1/2-2/3 what she saved you. Ao what we talking…. A few k?
You have no reason to suspect this very close and very good friend will scam you over. So the inheritance talk seems a bit naff

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I’m just thinking about every angle. It probably sounds overblown but there are reasons I need to think ahead. I did come to the conclusion that I’d still want to take the risk on my friend.

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Original poster

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 20:30

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:12

Is your DH still too busy to talk? Because really it’s his opinion that is the one that matters to you and his alone. He knows the intricacies of the situation whereas we know pretty much squat all

Edited

Annoyingly yes. His mind is on his own purchase dilemma so I don’t think I’ll get anything from him this weekend.

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VoiceFromThePit · Yesterday 20:31

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 15:27

Amount is about half or two thirds of what we saved because of friend.

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In that case I would probably either actually buy them it or gift them 50% of the cost and loan the rest as an extra thank you but that’s me.

Keepitsimples · Yesterday 20:34

Mamma1383838 · Yesterday 20:30

Annoyingly yes. His mind is on his own purchase dilemma so I don’t think I’ll get anything from him this weekend.

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Well that isn’t weird at all

Walkerzoo · Yesterday 20:36

I am probably in minority...

But I would give a proportion of it as a gift.

He helped you out, it saved you thousands, you didn't have the money at the time, but now he needs help, and you have savings....

Depending on situation he could have lost income by helping you. Yep. I would gift it.

Agapornis · Yesterday 20:36

I'd question why they can't get a normal loan or 0% for 18 months/2 years credit card. You could always lend them whatever they haven't paid off at the end of the 0% period, if for some reason they can't do a balance transfer. That way you all win - you get to invest for about 2 years, they don't have to pay interest.

gmgnts · Yesterday 20:40

I wouldn't ever even dream of asking anyone for a loan to buy something 'nice to have'. If you can't afford to buy something yourself, then you can't have it. End of. I find it an appalling cheek to ask someone else to fund you for something non-essential. Is this normal behaviour?

Houseyhope · Yesterday 20:44

I think the question about loans/credit cards has been answered a few times already.
In your situation I’d lend it them, and as someone said, I’d possibly even gift them a bit (unless you got them a substantial thank you gift when they helped you out so massively).