Namechanged because I’m embarrassed tbh and don’t really want anyone who knows me recognising this. I’ve got 3 boys, ds1 is 5 and has just started reception, ds2 is 2 and ds3 is 2 months old. I’ve realised our diet has got really quite bad and I’ve got to the point where I want to properly change what we all eat. Not put the older boys on diets or anything like that, just actually eat better food as a family. DH thinks I’m making a massive fuss about something that isn’t really a problem and I’m not sure if I am.
Our diet has never been amazing tbh. Before children we ate a lot of takeaways and convenience stuff and when ds1 was born I did try to improve things but gradually just got into the easiest routine again. This summer has been particularly bad since ds3 was born in July. I’ve had a newborn, a 2 year old, ds1 off school, it’s been hot and DH has been at home as well and I’ve been absolutely knackered. Food has basically become whatever gets everyone fed with the least amount of effort. I know I’m responsible for a lot of it because I’m the one who shops and cooks.
DH isn’t working at the moment after being sacked from his job earlier this year, although he’s taking it through an employment tribunal so that’s been going on too. He’s home a lot but doesn’t really cook. He’s never made a proper family meal from scratch tbh. He’ll put frozen stuff in the oven or do toast or order a takeaway but that’s about it. His own diet has always been pretty poor as well, lots of snacks and takeaways and stuff. I do wonder sometimes if the boys have just picked up all of this from him as he’ll happily eat chips and nuggets with them and say it’s fine.
Ds1 has just started reception and I’ve started noticing how much more solidly built he is than some of the boys in his class. He’s also quite short so his school trousers are already getting tight round the waist but if I go up a size they are ridiculously long. I’m not saying he’s obese or anything like that and I absolutely do not want to put a 5 year old on a diet. He does PE, plays outside at school, rides his scooter and we go to the park/soft play etc, we’re just not a particularly sporty family. It’s more that I’ve started thinking about where this is heading if we carry on eating the same way, rather than thinking he needs to lose weight now.
The thing that really made me stop and think was the dentist this week. Both of the older boys has cavities or early decay and I felt absolutely awful about it because I know their diet hasn’t helped. DH basically said they’re baby teeth anyway and they’ll fall out. I know they will obviously but that doesn’t mean I want them having fillings or decay at 5 and 2. It’s made me think we need a family reset rather than just carrying on because it’s easier. I’m thinking proper meals, more veg, less constant snacking, water instead of squash most of the time, fewer biscuits/crisps and takeaways less often. I’m not talking about counting calories or anything like that.
Yesterday was actually fairly normal for us which is probably why I’m embarrassed writing it down. Ds1 had 2 slices white toast with butter, then chocolate cereal because apparently the toast wasn’t enough, and a small glass of apple juice. At school he had chicken nuggets, chips and beans, chocolate mousse and water. After school he had crisps, 2 chocolate biscuits and squash. For dinner I made fish and chips at home, battered fish, oven chips and mushy peas rather than getting a takeaway. He refused the fish and peas, ate loads of chips with ketchup then later had a yoghurt and 2 biscuits. Ds2 had chocolate cereal and whole milk, banana, then a cheese sandwich on white bread, crisps and yoghurt. He had grapes and 2 biscuits later.
For dinner ds2 also refused the fish and peas, ate some chips and ketchup then asked for toast. I gave him toast because I didn’t want him going to bed hungry. I’m trying not to automatically make a replacement meal every time they refuse something because otherwise I feel like they’ll never eat anything different, but DH thinks I’m being ridiculous and turning dinner into a battle. He says if they don’t want fish then just give them something they will eat. He also says they’ve always eaten like this and I’m suddenly acting like there’s some huge problem.
The frustrating thing is that I’m the one doing all the food. I’m the one buying fruit that gets ignored, buying vegetables that end up going in the bin and making toast when dinner gets refused. DH is quite happy to criticise the new meals but he’s never actually cooked one. He says I’ve become “food police” and that I’m stressed and sleep deprived and looking for something else to worry about. I don’t think I’m asking him to suddenly diet or never have chips again. I just want him to stop undermining it when I’m trying to change things for all of us, especially when I’m the one who has to actually make the changes happen.
What I want to do isn’t even particularly exciting. Breakfast could be porridge or eggs or toast with fruit rather than chocolate cereal every day. Water or milk as normal drinks, fruit available between meals, one family dinner rather than 2 or 3 alternatives. Some freezer meals obviously because I have a newborn and I’m not pretending I’m going to make everything from scratch. Takeaway maybe once a week rather than several times, sweets and biscuits still allowed but not constantly available, and more dinners with vegetables. I know this sounds incredibly basic and that’s partly why I feel stupid even posting it. I’ve somehow got to the stage where I need to deliberately plan to do what I feel like we should have been doing anyway.
DH thinks I’m overreacting because ds1 is only 5 and ds2 is 2, they’re active enough, they’re growing and children are supposed to have treats. He keeps saying the baby teeth argument means nothing because they fall out anyway. I’m not trying to make them thin and I don’t want them thinking food is something they should feel guilty about. I just don’t want them growing up thinking dinner means chips/nuggets/pizza and that refusing something automatically gets you toast or biscuits instead. But I also know I’m the one who has cooked all this stuff and let the routine get like this, so I’m hardly in a position to blame DH for everything. AIBU to want to completely change what my DC eat when DH thinks I’m making a fuss?