To want to completely change what my DC eat even when DH thinks I’m making a fuss?

“Children are supposed to have treats”
your husband is wrong here. A treat is a treat because it isn’t a daily thing. It’s a weekly thing for example.
your children are getting ultra processed and nutritionally empty foods with every meal and sometimes as the entire meal.
you are absolutely right that things need to change now. Early years is when a lifetime of good habits can be formed. Dental hygiene, eating whole foods as part of daily life.
you husband sounds so unsupportive. If he’s not working outside the home why is everything in the home left to you ?
if he’s getting junk food for himself as you say - he has to hide it now because as you’ve discovered then children then want it.
He should man up and parent his children with you, which means leading by example and supporting you. Cooking and eating healthy family meals together. Does he leave all the other workload and mental load to you too ?

A total overhaul might be too much to tackle in one go.

You buy fruit, but its wasted? I find preparing it really helps. Faced with a whole boring pear isnt as appetising as a cut up (or cutted up ) one.

Proper Greek yoghurt with sliced strawberries is an excellent breakfast that takes as much effort as toast.

Maybe start with the fruit. And breakfast.

From small changes good habits are made!

Good luck, I think you've got this though!

Your DH is an idiot, you are doing the right things. I don’t want to kick you when you are down but a 2 and 5 year old with tooth decay is absolutely awful and you are right to treat this as the wake up call it is. Rather than “it’s only baby teeth and doesn’t matter” it’s “hopefully we’ve got the chance to put this right”

Your husband sounds particularly useless to be honest, why was he sacked?

Some people on MN will never be satisfied until your children are eating a diet of raw spinach and tap water. 😅 I think it's great that you are open to making serious changes. But honestly, I also think that breakfast is the easiest meal to change. You can even make scrambled eggs in the microwave if you're short on time. With wholemeal toast, that makes a fine breakfast. Once your children know that chocolate cereal isn't an option anymore, they should (hopefully) be happy with the alternatives you provide. But I would avoid cajoling or making a big production out of the changes you're making. Just upbeat, relaxed, "Here's your breakfast, darling."

If your kids aren't used to having fruit and veg regularly, it may take time for them to warm to the idea. But just keep offering and let them see you enjoying a banana or a salad or whatever.

Another mum I know is also a SAHM (to be fair you have a newborn so that changes things) but her mornings are stressful, chaotic and she’s always nearly late. She can’t understand how my children are dressed with having had breakfast and out of the door for 7:45am but we’ve had to work on morning routines because they are really important to us as I don’t want to be late for work. Good routines now will pay off in the future.

It’s great you want to change but other posters are pointing out you need to see your role in this. Yes the dad sounds like he does very little but you’ve also allowed this to happen for at least the last 2 years, and now had another baby. It won’t be easy and your husband might not like getting his own way but two children with tooth decay at their age is the shock you need to change.

I wanted to add to the support on the thread that you're right to change things. I haven't read all of the replies, so apologies if I'm repeating things, but some suggestions-
a plate of cut up veg (carrots, cucumber etc) available as you are cooking dinner, if they want to snack before- they seem to magically disappear even if your kids say they don't like veg.
A mixture of familiar and new things on the plate, even if it seems like a strange combination,

Find some healthy treats the kids like, and treat them to them regularly

When ours were little, Dh was working like 50 hour weeks getting our business started (albeit in the evenings from home doing admin) and I had a PT job with a a long London commute.

With two of you at home, there should be no excuse for not cooking healthy meals. Dh took the dc as soon as he walked in the door at 5 and I started on dinner. Your Dh is home all day. He can take over from 4pm every afternoon with the kids til bathtime and you do the cooking and any small household jobs like the washing or a few dishes.

Make nice simple food that provides lots of options: roast chicken, roast potatoes or oven baked chips (they are the same, just different shapes), peas, fruit for pudding. Make sure there is at least one thing everyone will eat. If they only eat mountains of peas, then they have mountains of peas for dinner. If they only eat potatoes, then they have lots of potatoes. No toast, no cereal before bed. Fruit after only if they eat a decent amount of dinner. Mine are now 8 & 13. Neither of them is allowed pudding if they both don’t eat. That’s still the rule even though one is a teen now. Trust me they eat dinner.

And persist. Rome wasn’t built in a day. This won’t just get easier in a month or two, but just keep going. If anything on pretty much no reliable income, with you on mat pay and your Dh unemployed, you need to be saving money not buying takeaways and convenience foods. So this is a great way to do it.

I work in social work and of course it's not neglect. Is it ideal as a diet, no but most of us aren't perfect parents. I think people need to be careful of using terms like "neglect". Neglect would not be feeding your kids, not taking them to the dentist, not washing them, emotional abuse, not meeting their basic needs. Yes their diet isn't the best but you sound like an overwhelmed mum with an unsupportive husband who recognises there is a problem and wants to change. Neglectful parents wouldn't care.

I think like most things there is always a middle ground. People on here seem fanatical about eggs being the solution to everything. But a lot of people including my kids and husband don't like them and I certainly in a rush in a morning have time with all the extra cooking and dishes have time to be cooking up scrambled eggs or porridge.

Cereal could be swapped for something like weetabix. You could add peanut butter to the toast or have Greek yoghurt and fruit with the cereal for something more substantial. Even white bread has fortified vitamins in it. Yes wholemeal is better but it's not the horror show people on here make it out to be Like others have said, small changes are the way to go.

The other thing I would say is avoid making the table a battleground. Be neutral about what your children choose to eat or not eat, neither positive nor negative. I am very much opposed to the school of "you must eat this in order to eat that." It's one thing to encourage them to try everything, but I wouldn't negotiate or create a hierarchy of foods.

When your children are in bed/can’t hear the conversation, you need to have a serious conversation with your DH about this. Tooth decay in such young children is awful as you know and their permanent teeth won’t last long either.

Even if your DH insists on buying crap, you needn’t. I’d go as far as throwing out any sweets/biscuits/crisps/fizzy drinks he brings into the house. Even if it takes you a while to sort breakfast and dinners - cutting out the snacks immediately will have a huge benefit. If your DH tries to sabotage you on this, I would strongly think of asking him to leave.

It is a rush in the morning tbh, getting 2 children dressed and ds1 out for school on time with a newborn as well, so toast and cereal is just easier and it’s what he wants. I’m not sitting there thinking chocolate cereal is a nutritious breakfast, I just know he’ll eat it without an argument and we’re already running late half the time.

but there’s two adults at home?!? Why would you need to take the newborn on the school run?

Brekkie is tricky when everyone is in a rush. And loads of kids are not ‘morning people’.

My kids loved cheese and I had good success with a couple of Scottish oatcakes ( made by Nairns) with butter and a slab of cheese on top for breakfast. Very filling for child who wouldn’t eat porridge. Could also be eaten en route. The others liked banana with their toast or oatcakes.

When a little older I did them overnight oats in wee glass jars - bought organic porridge oats and added spoonful of seeds, dried sultanas, nuts and milk to top. In fridge overnight. For ‘no milk’ child I used water diluted apple juice. In morning I added fresh fruit and honey or spoonful of yoghurt on top.

OP, that is some lazy selfish loser you are with.
Has never prepared a proper mean for his own children?
And he's not working?

Bloody hell.
You have your hands full.

Cavities at such a young age is very sad.
Laying down fat cells too so young, is not good.

You are 100% right to be addressing this now.

He's a very poor parent not wanting to be a part of improving their health.

I wonder if your DH is pushing back because he is afraid you’ll all become healthier and he will be ‘left behind’. But ignore him - and personally I would go as far as telling a white lie, that the school or health visitor said that a healthier diet was needed.

A few rules for the DC that I had:
Only offer water to drink (or milk at breakfast). Only have juice/squash/etc for parties, no more than twice a month. Same for chocolate/sweets/crisps/chips - it should be an exceptional treat.

Stop with the ready meals, children don’t need elaborate meals, so it can be really quick to prepare: prawns and edamame beans, chicken breast and green beans, fish fillets (not fish fingers) and peas, omelette with any leftover veg / ham / cheese, pasta with a tin of tomatoes and grated cheese.

Personally I never give alternatives, not even toast. A tidy dot of ketchup or mayo can do the trick if they refuse a dish.

Involve the DC when you shop and cook, they will be more likely to want to eat if they helped prepare it.

I wish you luck!

* I’m just feeling a bit defensive about being told I’m neglecting them when I am actually trying to change things.*

my apologies if I wasn’t clear. My feelings are that the neglect belongs entirely to your husband. I think he’s an absolutely disgraceful parent, who for some reason has you under his thumb.

great that you are trying to help your kids have a decent chance at life. I’m afraid my thoughts are that you need to get them away from this man to be able to give them that.

Your DH needs to stop with the fizzy drinks & bad crisps and biscuits - he could just buy some rich tea first example.

The fizzy drinks are not only an abomination, but also literally like throwing your money down the toilet. Maybe just get a bag of value tortilla chips and also value fizzy water to go with some decent squash - M&S has an orange one with no sweeteners in.

If he is not working how / what is he spending all this money on crap and takeaways for? He needs to step up and help you - if need be he can take over all the cleaning and admin while you do the cooking.

Make low sugar muffins or savoury versions and freeze. You can tell the kids they're having 'cake' for breakfast when when the muffins only have banana in & maybe a few choc chips on top. I find that defrosted frozen bananas are so incredibly sweet that they make brilliant flapjacks, muffins or pancakes that can all be frozen - perfect for breakfasts and snacks.

Tell your DH his future self will thank him for his decent pension and good health in retirement, rather than wasting all that money on crap.

May I introduce the humble picky plate (sorry to all on MN who hate that term). At least once a week my kids have this for dinner. It’s really quick and easy. Some form of protein, this is usually chicken and cubed cheese in our house, chopped up veg, some chopped fruit, something like breadsticks or crackers/oatcakes with soft cheese. All served on a couple of big plates that they then help themselves to. The choice is important. At first they may only take one or two things but over time you might see them tentatively taking something else and sniffing it or it sitting on their plate etc.

Also, on a Sunday, chop up a bunch of veg and some watermelon etc and put them in the fridge in Tupperware. Those are our ‘free range’ snacks along with apples, pears etc. DC don’t have to ask, they can help themselves.

And don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. There’s a middle ground between crap and serving home-baked muffins every day, and most of us fall somewhere in that middle segment I imagine. Sometimes dinner is just baked beans on toast, there’s nothing wrong with fishfingers (if you actually read the ingredients, most of them are pretty minimally processed) on occasion, sometimes a bowl of cereal for dinner is called for. But healthier swaps with a similar feel are often quite easy to find. I wouldn’t go scorched earth but start making healthier swaps gradually, so no more chocolate cereal but perhaps some weetabix with some chopped fruit to start.

The problem is that if you don’t have a supportive partner who understands the issue, he’s likely to sabotage it. That’s more of a relationship issue. But his own diet can be what he likes, he just needs to model a balanced diet when he is in front of the kids.

A good approach could be something called habit stacking, which is the idea of making small habit changes that are permanent then adding another one on top.
eg same breakfasts but water not juice, high protein white bread toast or brown bread first.
pinch of nom cookbooks are a good start as their fakeaways taste better and are healthy
eg make a healthy pasta sauce and blend it so the kids don’t notice the veg, freeze a load and eat that with the normal food, have sliced frozen cooked chicken instead of nuggets etc

longer term this could work well

you could try raw veg sticks, and prepping something like sliced watermelon or mango, my kids eat that if it’s instantly in the fridge

dont cut out crisps straight away, start with buying lower calorie eg quavers or lentil crisps.

good luck and well done

id also recommend SlimmingWorld groups and products for support and ideas

OP, you are absolutely 100% right and justified to change the diet of your children and your DH is an irresponsible idiot. What your kids ate yesterday is really bad, I'm sorry, but it is - beige processed crap with hardly any veg at all. By changing their diet now you could save them a life time of obesity, cancer and other health problems. Processed shit food increases your risk of bowel cancer - my husband died of bowel cancer this year aged 46, so I have seen it with my own eyes. DD and I have completely stopped eating anything made from pig - no ham, no sausages, no bacon, all are known to be carcinogenic.

Your husband is a fool. Too lazy and ignorant to do what's best for his own kids. He should be ashamed of himself.

Ex Nanny here, I worked with a family who had an awful diet, despite the means to eat very well. I also prepared the evening meal three times a week.

I still have the ‘Handover Book’ I used each week and here are some examples of meals/snacks I did.

Snacks included - toasted English muffins spread with peanut butter and topped with sliced banana. Fruit kebabs (they also really loved any fruit that they could eat with cocktail sticks (under supervision of course!). Keep in mind they don’t have to eat the fruit and veg at set times of the day - children will often be more open to new foods at breakfast rather than after a long day at school etc. plus, sometimes I’d just put down a plate of chopped apple, pears and grapes before dinner as a ‘starter’ as they were having tv time as I prepped dinner.

Other snacks - cheese and pineapple with crackers (melba toasts worked well).
Digestive biscuits with cream cheese and cucumber

Meals - Turkey meatballs in a hidden veg sauce with spaghetti (or other shaped pasta)
chicken drumsticks with sweet potato fries and salad
Hedgehog Pie - essentially root mash with nice quality sausages stuck in
They also loved anything they could self assemble - especially involving a wrap or pitta - grilled salmon with finely sliced veggies always went down well.
They also loved homemade macaroni cheese with bits of ham in.

I’d suggest little steps with this journey of yours, make one change every day so everyone gets used to it over time rather than all at once.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I have found a few good swaps and ideas that have worked for my family in reducing UPFs

I stopped buying soft white bread. I buy sourdough now, just the Hovis stuff. Pitta bread instead of wraps.

I stopped buying flavoured kids yoghurts. No petit filous or frubes. I just get a big tub of greek yoghurt.

Frozen fruit if you find fresh fruit goes bad before it's eaten. Great for going in greek yog.

Don't buy kids cereals. I get weetabix, rice crispies and porridge oats.

I don't do snacks, they have 4 meal times. When my kids were your kids age they had their evening meal early, like 4pm, and then a snack before bed like toast, yoghurt, banana.
This might work for you if you don't want them watching dad eat a shit meal.
Now they are older they have the snack at 3/4pm and we eat dinner together at 7.

I don't buy squash or fizzy drinks, or crisps.
I do buy mini breadsticks and plain rice cakes and oat cakes. I promise no child has ever gorged themselves on oat cakes 😂

Oh, and serving a plate of cucumber, carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes etc to keep them going while I get tea done!

And op, I’m sure most of us would say their children’s diets could be better. We do well with mealtimes but it’s snacks after tea we need to be stricter with and I love the other posters who say their habit is fruit after tea. Great idea!