To want to completely change what my DC eat even when DH thinks I’m making a fuss?

Firstly, well done for recognising this needs to change. It absolutely does. Your husband is an utterly terrible parent, who frankly is bordering on neglect of his children. Your suggestions aren’t ’a diet’, it’s just food rather than completely processed crap which has zero nutritional value. It isn’t just about their weight, their behaviour and ability to learn is massively affected by not having a single morsel of nutrition. Also, your dh is a fool about the teeth - it surely is obvious it isn’t just affect their actual teeth, but also their gums and mouth health. If he can’t get a job, and he also can’t parent, I guess it’s a difficult decision to make for the two of you to switch roles and you be the earner.

Wow.
I don't think you are over reacting. It's important to make good habits and I think it might be quite hard with a DH who sounds very opposite on view.

For comparison we are a family of four with a three year old and a seven year old. They eat a lot but quite balanced.
Today they had porridge with chia seeds, flax seeds and honey and using whole milk.
Homemade spinach and cheese muffins (from the gruffalo cookbook - which I batch cook and freeze) with cream cheese and olives for the 7 year old. The 3 year old had a plum

Snack was homemade banana and cinnamon muffins, again batch cooked and frozen and I just defrost for the weekend, the make a good swimming snack.
The 3 year rold also had raisins and a bar.
The snacks were after different sports activities.

Lunch was eggy bread, crudité and Quorn sausages and a boiled egg for the three year old. I also had cooked a butternuts squash and chickpea curry that neither of them entertained but both tried which is what I want them to do.

There will no doubt be another fruit snack - apples or bananas and further crudité. Could be the same as lunch or different. And probably a bag of crisps.

We are making homemade pizza for dinner which is frozen ready made dough. And I'll have crudité again. I finds cold veg easiest to get down them. But sugar snap peas and mange tout work really well too

We are not opposed to takeaways but it's a once a month thing. It used to be more and we had similar challenges that you describe.

Id say no chocolate cereal or biscuits in the house. We only have bran flakes and Weetabix and I would prefer porridge but that isn't always realistic in the week. We also never do toast. Of we do it's lunch with eggs etc.

Good luck

Your kids are eating huge quantities of processed junk.

And the baby teeth bit is irrelevant - no kids should have tooth decay by the age of 5. That's quite shocking.

And by referring to your 5 year old as being solid - it does sound as if he is over weight. In reception they will take their height and weight and you will get the letter home saying your child is overweight. My brother got this as he had a fear of his DS being hungry so was always letting him have snacks.

I would stop the crisps and biscuits altogether. Snacks can be fruit, nuts, or wholemeal bread/toast or a bowl of healthy cereal. Get rid of the chocolate cereals too.

Breakfast: wholemeal toast, porridge, or lower sugar cereals. My DS likes banana milkshakes made in the blender, or we put in the frozen fruit (buy in bags from Lidl).

Meals can be batch cooked so it halves how much you have to cook. e.g make two cottage pies and freeze one for the following week.

Pasta sauce is easy - tin of quality tomatoes, onion, garlic, a carrot, veg stock and basil then blend til smooth. Freeze in small portions then you just need to cook pasta and defrost a cube of sauce - easy quick meal.

It's brilliant that you're trying to make the changes now.

And stop worrying about kids going hungry. If they really don't eat a meal then they get something boring like some plain rice. Don't give them extra chips if they don't eat the fish and veg!!!

You’ve recognised a problem and want to fix it. There are work arounds. Mine have option of weetabix, Bluey cereal (no added sugar) plain Cheerios or porridge for breakfast. Fruit afterwards. If they want coco pops because of their cousins/other kids eating them I say it doesn’t have enough energy for the day and they can have it in the evening if they want. They rarely do by the time evening comes along. I have the small variety pack one’s in. For dinner sometimes I’ll do kids pasta and organic tomato and veg sauce, cheese grated on top, peas in it. Ten mins to make. For lunches we do a lot of ‘treat plates’ - sandwich, fruit , yoghurt, avocado slices, cheese slices, chicken slices, cherry tomatoes and cucumber plus a biscuit or 3-4 chocolate buttons. They don’t seem to realise only one thing is the treat and usually polish it all off. Mine love raw carrots as a snack.

we do stews and Shepards pie and chicken mash and veg too but I find they usually eat more of the above. Also limit the snacks bar fruit. If hungry before bed I’d go with a warm weetabix rather than toast. Nothing wrong with baked beans fish fingers and a healthier chip too the odd time ( like the strong roots brand).

@boltmelon
Well done for making the change early.
My 22yr old is horrified his GF doesn't have a piece of fruit after each meal, and DD similarly that her BF rarely has veg. Growing up with good habits sets them up for life.

Get them involved.
Get them chopping up can cucumber sticks or peeling carrots (DD16 will still ask to help with if I'm doing that).
Bake together.
Meal plan together.
Everyone gets to choose one dinner per week so they get their favourite once, but they have to eat everything.
Took a while for mine to tell the difference between 'i don't like it' and 'its not my favourite but I'll eat it'.
Don't make different things if they don't eat what is provided.

Don't let DH undermine you. You are 100% doing the right thing.

Its a problem

You know it which is why you wrote it here.

We do a rough meal plan for the week.

Kids eat boiled potatoes, pasta or noodles plus a protein (chicken, beef, pork, fish) and a few veg (carrots peas sweetcorn green beans or sticks of cucumber on the Side)

We also do shepherds pie and pasta bake a lot.

Dessert is yoghurt a piece of fruit or all butter short bread biscuit (these are 3 ingredients from m&s)

It does sound like they’re having mostly carbs and fats. I’d cut down on the carbs and fats, and add in more protein and fibre. Specific ingredients don’t matter, it all comes down to macros at the end of the day, but the high carb foods are the things like potatoes, bread, biscuits, pasta, rice (beige foods) and the fats are things like dairy, nuts, seeds, and fatty meats. Your proteins are things like fish, lean meat, nuts, and tofu, so they should have more or those. But go easy on the nuts as they are also high in fat.

Fruit and veg are important for vitamins but if you take a multivitamin honestly you can live without it. The other huge benefit of fruit and veg though is that it is low calorie for high volume so you can eat a lot without risking getting fat. You didn’t say weight was a concern for you, just health, but if you are worried about weight then filling them up on fruit and veg is a good way to reduce their overall calorie intake.

I don’t know much about teeth but it sounds like that’s also a concern for you. Definitely take your dentist’s advice and limit sugar, make sure they’re brushing properly etc. They don’t want issues with their teeth as they get older, it’s expensive if nothing else!

Well done to you for recognising and wanting to make a change.
Unfortunately you are going to massively struggle unless you get DH on board. I am not sure how to help with that as I ended up divorcing my ex before managing it (not for that reason but it sort of fed into it as he didn't have a backbone with the kids and let them get away with all sorts).

One small tip - I used to serve mine "starters" which was a small plate of whatever veg they do like - so mine would have e.g. cucumber fingers, carrot fingers, baby corn - given to them when playing before dinner. They were half distracted by TV or games and already hungry, so would usually eat it all. Meaning, they'd already had a good amount of veg before even starting "dinner".

YANBU.
There is a balance to be had here.
It isn’t terrible to give your child chips and squash on occasion, a couple of biscuits as a snack, Coco pops on a Saturday morning. But that should be the exception, not the rule. Most days should be centred around more veggies, whole foods, fibre, lower sugar etc.
Focus on how many colours they’re eating and avoiding too much beige.
But freezer food certainly has its place and quick dinners will become a necessity as they get older and will maybe have clubs in the evenings after school etc. This could be a batch cooked dinner that you can ping in the microwave, rather than nuggets every time.
Not everyone has time to home make everything but you can get in better habits such as making extra dinner and freezing it for another day.

It’s also worth mentioning that if you make biscuits/choc etc forbidden/a rarity you run the risk of making them more enticing and your children not being able to control themselves around “treats”. A biscuit with a yoghurt or some fruit is fine. And water should be served with every meal and snack.

Well done for identifying the issue and making steps to deal with it

Yanbu. And you are right. You are at an age and tipping point for them where if you make changes for the better it will have a lasting benefit for your DC for the whole of their lives. Stay strong. I would start with the snacks - just don’t have biscuits in the house or if you do get ones they don’t like so they have to actually be hungry to have one (rich tea or a plain digestive). Also snack food is convenience so make it easier to have a healthy choice - simple things like having a snacking plate where the apple or pear or carrot is cut into pieces for the afternoon snack worked. They might go urgh and not eat it but if you leave it out they will come back if they are hungry. For the good dinners - I would always say you have to try it before I give you something else - so fish. A mouthful and then I’ll do toast. Sometimes they change their mind once they have tried it.
good luck. Ignore your husband and know you are doing a great thing for your DC. Mine are adult teens now and thank me for it. They didn’t at the time.

Well done for recognising that your children (and yourselves!) aren't eating a healthy diet. You can absolutely make changes but they are used to eating convenience foods so you will get some pushback - stay calm and be consistent and they will gradually get used to the new foods.

Firstly, I'd stop buying the sugary cereal and crisps and biscuits - if it's not in the house, they can't have it! Don't ask them what they want, just present it with the expectation that they will eat it - cut up fruit, oatcakes, rice cakes for snacks, eggs and wholemeal toast or porridge for breakfast (you can add toppings of strawberries, blueberries and a few dark chocolate chips) or grated apple or mashed banana. Don't buy children's yogurts, they're full of sugar and crap and have very little fruit - instead buy full fat Greek yoghurt and add a little drizzle of honey or maple syrup and fruit. This will keep them fuller for longer!

Family meals can be cooked from scratch in very little time - traybakes of chicken/salmon with veggies and some seasoning (garlic/paprika/dried herbs) cottage pie, spaghetti bolognese, mild chilli and rice etc. Get yourself a good easy cookbook like Jamie Olivers and try some quick recipes. You can also make double and freeze half so you have some meals in the freezer.

You can make your own chicken nuggets and fishfingers using up wholemeal breadcrumbs and can make your own potato wedges or sweet potato wedges in the oven.

Good luck and keep at it. It's so important to instil good eating habits while they're little.

Agree with this but wanted to add that beans are an excellent option for protein and fibre too and are very filling. Black bean chilli, chickpea curry, beans on toast with an egg. Etc.

I’m quite shocked by the attitude of your husband. It is a big deal and especially the cavities.

I do a meal plan for the week - I plan 7 meals and pick which one I have time for/fancy on the day rather than a fixed meal on a fixed day. For breakfast they can choose yogurt, fruit, cereal (weetabix or readybrek) or toast or a combination. I often make waffles on the weekend so it’s hardly draconian but I never buy chocolate cereal.

I am surprised the school offers chips for lunch unless it’s only on a Friday? Mine will have school lunch sometime but mainly prefer packed lunch. I send them with a wrap/sausage roll/sandwhich, a fruit, a veg and come crisps. So again not angelic but I know they have eaten some fruit and the older one always eats the carrots/cucumber.

I have a big list of meals on my phone and pick 7 to make life easier. We do have oven fish and chips as well but only have something like that once a week. I cook from scratch on most other nights, lasagne, pasta, risotto, chilli etc. I’m not out here making the pasta myself but they were getting real food and I always serve with two portions of veg. They don’t eat it all the time but they do eat some and as they get older they are eating more veg. I make a dessert once a week usually on a Saturday although in the summer I did make a lot of ice cream as I love it.

You're right, the children's diets are not good, but you know that. You are going to be fighting a losing battle having a lazy oaf of a husband who would sit around and let you cook all the time, then have the gall to try and impede you in trying to get your family healthy. He'd not worked for ages if he got laid off early in the year, the least he could do if he isn't going to cook is to shut up and put up with healthier food. Or if he must have his nuggets he can eat them illicitly in the bedroom?

Oral hygiene starts young, and their adult teeth won't magically stay clean if good habits start now. Earlier the better. I know it's hard to brush toddlers teeth and I know they'd eat sweets if they could all day, and I know the mental and physical load of being the one in charge of all cooking and food shopping, I have a 3 yr old and I know how fussy they can be etc, but it's so important. I don't see how you can manage to change things if your husband isn't supportive or at the very least eats his healthier food quietly without grumbling.

To make it easier on yourself as others have said you could do batch cooking and adopt a like it or leave it attitude, rather than giving the kids white toast if they don't like something. Definitely just no more sugary cereal, doesn't need to be in the house. They like yoghurt so what about making a fruit coulis to top some off for breakfast in the morning? I have to speak healthy food into my sons meals and do it by using lentils in tomato pasta sauces eg, or mac and cheese always has a hidden veg element, I make stewed apple with some sweet cinnamon and add a bit of home made crumble, or a really veg rich pasta sauce with courgettes, onions, peppers etc blended in and he eats it no trouble.

You are absolutely in the right. Stick with it. I am appalled by your partner's attitude to his children's health. The Facebook group mealtime hostage was a really helpful guide to me at these ages. Have a read of their philosophy. They will be resistant to eating fruit and veg at first if they aren't used to it. Keep offering and once there are ones they like serve them with ones they don't. I hide veg in pasta sauce making sure there are carrots and peppers in there to make it fairly sweet. I also put our veg sticks on the table before a meal so they can snack on them. Swap processed sugary fatty snacks for whole foods including fruit and veg. I serve three veg with dinner. Fruit is a major snack source and it will be easier to get them used to eating it. My DH keeps buying processed stuff for them but I try to keep it to a minimum. And I only allow chocolate cereal as an occasional treat on holiday where they can buy those variety packs. For the day to day it's an absolute no.

I had a very fussy 4 year old so we started a star chart; if he tried everything on his plate that he didn't like at supper time (even if just a tsp of mince, a slice of carrot etc) he was allowed to fill up on bread and peanut butter/banana and he got a star. After a week of stars he was allowed to choose a bun from the bakers on the way home from school. He gradually started to eat more things and the star chart was abandoned.

Your husband's attitudes, whoa. He's wrong both about the food and the big role of baby teeth. Baby teeth shape speech, the whole mouth, the jaw, and guide the adult teeth. Their oral hygiene is really important and you're going to have to work on the brushing.

What they eat affects everything from how they learn to how their genes express. You've recognized their diet is awful but your husband doesn't take your valid concerns seriously and he's undermining you already. It sounds like your kids aren't getting much protein either.

I'd introduce some veggies and beans into the stews. Puree some veggies and add in. If you make chili, add beans. Have cutup veggies and dip or cut apple slices for snacking. I'd stop buying juice immediately. Drink water or milk, since they're low on protein. The veggies for starters ^ is a good idea. Maybe eggs for breakfast and some hard boiled eggs for snacking to up some protein.

Your husband sounds lazy and fixed in his attitudes and isn't willing to step out of his comfort zone to see his kids better off. Sorry.

Good on you for realising your family's food intake needs change, their current diets are not great at all and you now need to be resolute about changing things. Ignore your DH;s moaning, don’t discuss it with him.

Immediate changes are to stop buying biscuits and crisps. No more squash, if they are thirsty they will drink plain water, they won’t become dehydrated. Chopped fruit for snacks - most children like bananas and strawberries. Wheatabix for breakfast, cornflakes or plain rice-crispies are perfectly fine also.

Also get in the habit of eating meals at the kitchen table, same with snacks - no eating while looking at tv as that is mindless eating. For dinners, try making things like bolognese, Shepard’s pie, etc - use a packet mix if you have to but they are easy to make from scratch. Pasta bakes are handy to make too. Or roast a chicken. Swap the chips for rice or mashed potato. Or reduce the portion of chip size. Drop the ketchup as it’s full of sugar. Use frozen veg if you are under time pressure - peas and carrots maybe.

It will have to be baby steps but things like biscuits and crisps and can be got rid of immediately - stop buying them and after a week or so, you’re children will get over not having them on tap.

As much as you can, get them out for exercise each day, a 20 minute walk down the road or run around the park or chase around the garden (if you have a garden).

You are right. Stop buying chips/crisps/biscuits then they aren't an option. Homemade potato wedges can replace chips. Up the fruit and veg even if they only eat one or two varieties and it's boring (my granddaughter has sweetcorn most of the time!). If your husband is home, give him a list of healthy food and snacks he can make.

I mean you're obviously not wrong at all, and you're going to get a lot of posters getting their knickers in a twist about the chocolate cereal etc but I do think there's a balance. You'll get lots of suggestions for really healthy from-scratch menus here but if your kids are very used to the beige diet plus you're busy and stressed plus your husband isn't fully on board and you attempt an ambitious complete overhaul all in one go I think you might end up with hangry kids refusing your lovely home cooked meals, frassled and irritated mum who's spent hours cooking only for it to all end up in the bin and useless lazy bum dad saying I told you so and getting them a takeaway for a quiet life then a complete backslide.

Personally I'd be aiming for one sustainable change a week only - pick one thing to swap or reduce then stick to it until it's embedded as the way things are, then move on to the next thing, rather than everything at once. So yes, perhaps say the chocolate cereals go (or are saved for weekend only) but while that's settling down it's ok if they have toast or regular cereal instead, not as ideal as porridge or eggs but that can come in time. Squash for water most of the time is another good swap. For dinners I'd stick to very easy from scratch things that they'll reliably eat like eggs or pasta - or some freezer food is fine if you can get some veg in alongside. Oven cooked nuggets and chips is still better than McDonald's and is absolutely fine a couple of times a week IMO (MN pearl clutchers avert your eyes)!

Good luck!

Your husband is being an idiot.

You’ll have to switch it gradually, but of course that needs improving for the health of all of you.

Well done on noticing and trying to make a change.

I’d say I’m somewhere between you and some of the other posters here. My kids do eat toast and cereal, but we never give them chocolate spreads and cereal would be cornflakes or weetabix. Blueberry pancakes at the weekend. Lunch tends to be a picky plate thing- cucumber/tomatoes for the girl, pepper/carrots for boy with hummus. Muffin or breadstick or pitta. Bit of cheese or a boiled egg. We repeat easy dinners which is bit boring but easy. Pasta with salmon and cream cheese& peas. Baked potatoes and fish fingers. Spaghetti. Chicken curry and rice. Pudding is natural yoghurt with a teaspoon of jam.

Get rid of the fruit juice and biscuits straight away. Can you swop the bread to brown? The chips for
wedges you make yourself? The chocolate cereal to Cheerios? It’s trickier the older they get though so don’t get disheartened even if it takes a while. Would they help you cook/bake? Then they might be more likely to eat it.

Your biggest problem is your husband though. Not working but not helping cook? What does he do all day, I hope your house is pristine and he does all the laundry 🤣.

Yes you do need to make changes - you need to set your kids up for a healthy as life as you can manage and at least you recognise this

agree all round - slow and steady

not having DH on board will make it harder for you - but you have to do right by your kids

As they say here you have a DH problem
He's been off work and not looking for work for nearly a year. What exactly does he do all day?

Does he do any cleaning, childcare, anything?
There's absolutely no excuse for him not to learn how to cook . YouTube has videos on how to do everything step by step

The children at such young ages having tooth decay is a sign of their beige sugary diet
He is completely wrong about their teeth
He is completely wrong about their diet children need good nutrition to grow up strong and healthy