AIBU not to reduce my children’s Christmas presents to match stepchildren’s?

I understand but, well, it's not actually OK if only one of them is OK with it, is it? So that's irrelevant.

Also, kids may tell you that they are OK with it but secretly not be. Kids do these sorts of things for many reasons, perhaps wanting the family to feel like one family and therefore being OK to make a sacrifice. But it's not OK.

Even if the kids have requested it, you as the adult still have to make things equal. You can't have some getting more than others and then claiming to be OK with it because they feel they should, or that it will be better that way. That's messed up.

Even if the kids tell you it's OK, it's not - what does it do to your blended family dynamics? If you are talking about becoming one family, then when it comes to gifts from you and your partner, you need them all on equal footing.

If they get presents from different people at other times, later in the day, whatever - that's fine - but you are talking about your first Christmas morning together as one family. Make it equal and start as you mean to go on.

Just pool everything and split 5 ways. If you don't want to do that, that's fine, but don't blend the family on Christmas morning.

I’d either aim that they have a similar amount of pressies even if your dh gets some selection boxes/ stocking fillers for his or do some of your kids after dinner when they have gone.

Give half when his kids are there and the other half when they get presents from their mum.

Don’t really get this. So me not wanting to spend less on my children is not compromising? That’s a strange compromise (to give my children less things).
As I’ve said before things aren’t equal in a blended family. Everyone’s different but for us, we wanted to ensure that nothing for our kids changed (other than us living together that is). I wanted their routines and structure to be the same. So his kids still go to all their clubs/activities etc which costs around £400 a month (that my DP pays for). I can’t afford to do that. I spend £140 a month on swimming lessons. Thats it. So you could say that isn’t fair as our kids are not getting the same spent on them on a day to day basis. But that’s what they’re used to. I don’t expect my DP to reduce those costs so that we can spend the same on each of the kids now because we’re living together. But on here that seems to be people’s perception of what has to happen in a blended family to make sure everything is equal. As based on that, I should make sure all my kids have an extra activity that they ca do.
Would my kids notice if I suddenly spent less on them at Christmas. Maybe not. But it’s the principle of why should I when we’ve actually tried to keep things the same for them all. For us that works better than imposing new rules etc to accommodate for the fact that we are living together. None of them should have to have less because of that. And I believe that includes my kids Christmas presents.

Give your kids some of their presents in the morning and save some for later when your step-children go to their Mum’s?

Your kids will get the amount they’re used to in total, but in the morning it’ll seem more equal across the kids.

have a blended family. This is the first Christmas we will all be together on Christmas morning. I have 3 children, my DP has 2. Generally we still take control of our own children’s presents at Christmas. As money wise it’s a bit tight if I were to add 2 more children I need to buy for.
I usually spend X amount for each of my children which is what I can afford. That includes stockings and Christmas Eve boxes. This year is also the first year they’ll be here for Christmas Eve. My DP doesn’t usually do boxes so I will get an extra 2 for them so they’re not left out. But for presents he also spends X amount on them each which is around half the amount of what I spend. He can’t really afford to spend more and says I should reduce what I spend on my kids so it’s equal. AIBU if I don’t do that?
I feel that my kids shouldn’t have less than what they’re used to, but also can see that it won’t look great if his kids have less to open. But for me, I have my kids 100% of the time. My DPs kids will go to their mums later in the day and get presents there too, so I feel it’s unfair for my children to get less when generally over all they get less anyway.
Moving in together hasn’t saved us money as obviously we needed a bigger house which costs a lot more to run. 2 of my kids share a bedroom, everyone else has their own room even though his kids are here less than half the time. But I agreed with that as they’re older. But I don’t want my kids to have less of everything to accommodate my step kids all the time when actually their maternal family spoil them so they’re not really missing out. But I know kids probably won’t see it that way. What would you do?
I don’t begrudge my step kids in any way, they’re lovely kids. But I am a sole parent to mine effectively and feel I need to prioritise them. My DP understands this but says to his kids it will look like WE have spent less on them as obviously the kids don’t know that we keep things separate. Previous years they’ve opened presents separately so hasn’t been an issue.

But it’s my DPs kids that have requested it, not us. Not in a horrible way but we were happy with the arrangement that they come to us later in the day before to avoid this. But it’s already been agreed and their mum who has said she’ll work in the morning now.
But yes I agree, some kids would be like this. Not all though. My oldest I believe would completely understand. He understands why they have their own room and he has to share. And I always have to explain to him that they get more already because of their mum. As the 12 year old loves to talk about how much she gets from her mum etc. For example last year she got an iPad along with I’d say another 2-300 spent on her and that was just from her mum. So actually I think it would be quite sad for DPs kids not to understand why my kids have more presents than they do here. But that’s helpful to know and adds to my problem as I believe she will be like how you felt. The oldest I believe would be fine.

have a blended family. This is the first Christmas we will all be together on Christmas morning. I have 3 children, my DP has 2. Generally we still take control of our own children’s presents at Christmas. As money wise it’s a bit tight if I were to add 2 more children I need to buy for.
I usually spend X amount for each of my children which is what I can afford. That includes stockings and Christmas Eve boxes. This year is also the first year they’ll be here for Christmas Eve. My DP doesn’t usually do boxes so I will get an extra 2 for them so they’re not left out. But for presents he also spends X amount on them each which is around half the amount of what I spend. He can’t really afford to spend more and says I should reduce what I spend on my kids so it’s equal. AIBU if I don’t do that?
I feel that my kids shouldn’t have less than what they’re used to, but also can see that it won’t look great if his kids have less to open. But for me, I have my kids 100% of the time. My DPs kids will go to their mums later in the day and get presents there too, so I feel it’s unfair for my children to get less when generally over all they get less anyway.
Moving in together hasn’t saved us money as obviously we needed a bigger house which costs a lot more to run. 2 of my kids share a bedroom, everyone else has their own room even though his kids are here less than half the time. But I agreed with that as they’re older. But I don’t want my kids to have less of everything to accommodate my step kids all the time when actually their maternal family spoil them so they’re not really missing out. But I know kids probably won’t see it that way. What would you do?
I don’t begrudge my step kids in any way, they’re lovely kids. But I am a sole parent to mine effectively and feel I need to prioritise them. My DP understands this but says to his kids it will look like WE have spent less on them as obviously the kids don’t know that we keep things separate. Previous years they’ve opened presents separately so hasn’t been an issue.

Don’t really get this. So me not wanting to spend less on my children is not compromising? That’s a strange compromise (to give my children less things).
As I’ve said before things aren’t equal in a blended family. Everyone’s different but for us, we wanted to ensure that nothing for our kids changed (other than us living together that is). I wanted their routines and structure to be the same. So his kids still go to all their clubs/activities etc which costs around £400 a month (that my DP pays for). I can’t afford to do that. I spend £140 a month on swimming lessons. Thats it. So you could say that isn’t fair as our kids are not getting the same spent on them on a day to day basis. But that’s what they’re used to. I don’t expect my DP to reduce those costs so that we can spend the same on each of the kids now because we’re living together. But on here that seems to be people’s perception of what has to happen in a blended family to make sure everything is equal. As based on that, I should make sure all my kids have an extra activity that they ca do.
Would my kids notice if I suddenly spent less on them at Christmas. Maybe not. But it’s the principle of why should I when we’ve actually tried to keep things the same for them all. For us that works better than imposing new rules etc to accommodate for the fact that we are living together. None of them should have to have less because of that. And I believe that includes my kids Christmas presents.

OP its perfectly simple and it absolutely isn’t your problem. Your DP explains to his children that you and he buy separately for your respective children and that you spend a bit more because you are the sole parent, and unlike them, your kids don’t get to go to a second parent for more gifts. There is no disparity here except the one he’s creating.

What’s the point of blending your family if you treat them all differently? Either go all in or don’t bother.

YANBU. He spends what he wants on his DC and you spend what you want on yours.

If he wants it to be more equal, is there something he could personally cut back on so he can spend more on his DC?