AIBU not to reduce my children’s Christmas presents to match stepchildren’s?

What’s the point of blending your family if you treat them all differently? Either go all in or don’t bother.

How old are the kids involved? Are your step children old enough to understand they'll be getting more presents later in the day?

Presents are physically smaller as they get older anyway.

Just save some of your kids presents for them to open later when your step kids go to their mums.

If you're going as far as to call yourself a blended family then I think you definitely need to treat them all equally. You don't want to be the cause of any resentment between his children and yours

I think it would be better if you lived separately so your DC could have their own rooms and your DP stays over when he doesn’t have his kids.

How old are all of the children, older ones will understand they are getting another lot of presents later that day where little kids are just going to upset.
Either way though, this is his problem to fix. He’s got pleanty of time to start saving.

Give your kids some of their presents in the morning and save some for later when your step-children go to their Mum’s?

Your kids will get the amount they’re used to in total, but in the morning it’ll seem more equal across the kids.

YANBU. Why do your kids share a room though and his get a room each? Your kids live there all the time, seems a bit mad to leave two rooms empty most of the time.

Anyway his kids get 2 Christmases, yours get one. Stick to your guns.

How old are the kids and how would any of them know how much you spent? I wouldn’t see any issue making sure they all had the same number to open in the morning - you can give your kids some more things later in the day when your step kids go to their mum’s if that makes you feel better. But the older they get the presents tend to get fewer and more expensive anyway and I can’t imagine any of them having any idea how much any of it cost.

I agree with all of this, ages are relevant and it's his problem to fix. His kids should get the same as yours but he buys more not you buying less.

No. I wouldn’t reduce the amount of anything in my child’s life to compensate for someone else’s children. This is one of the many many reasons I wouldn’t even consider blending families!

Well, yes.

It's actually very simple isn't it..

Give half when his kids are there and the other half when they get presents from their mum.

How old are the kids involved? If they are all young, as in under 10, I would try to balance out the piles a bit but cheaply which is easier for younger children.

If older I think they’re old enough to understand they have presents at another house waiting for them in a few hours.

You've missed out all the ages.

This!

Give your kids extra presents to later. How much are you spending g anyway?
we spent a Xmas with In laws and their kids literally had 4/5 x times the presents our kids did. We all sat there and watch as they opened gift after gift and tossed them aside, they had so much stuff they didn’t even open the box or play with the game/toy inside.
It was tedious to watch but our kids were happy with what they had because the trip to see said in-laws overseas was part of their present really.
I swore we’d never give out kids so much stuff that they’d be as ungrateful and spoiled as the cousins were that day.

I mean, will they know how much is spent on everyone? I have two dc who are full siblings and live together full time. I don’t think I spend exactly the same amount on them. I don’t think even my teen would know how much things cost. They don’t begrudge each other presents. I wouldn’t make a big show of it though. I’d aim to get them either a similar number or save a few for later when they’re also getting extra presents at their mums. Or as you are already funding Christmas Eve boxes, your partner could save a bit more over the next few months (maybe you skip presents to each other?) and buy a few extra things for his kids too.

In this situation, can you please explain to me exactly how your kids benefit from this arrangement? Because from where I am it seems they don’t, at all. They have to share a room 100% of the time while their step siblings have two bedrooms each. The living situation hasn’t bright now money into the house, in fact it’s cost more so less in the pot for them. You are getting sex for your part of the deal so I’m hoping that’s at least good. Your kids though? They really got the shitty end of the stick and now he wants to take away half their presents

Christmas presents are just the tip of the iceberg - and I say this as someone who only does inexpensive presents - this is not the only way in which your children are suffering by having another family imposed upon them. Will he want you to pay for his kids’ school trips, driving lessons, university tuition, flat deposit and wedding? They’re already sharing a room when his part-time kids have one each. Put your children ahead of your sex life and stop co-habiting.

My gut reaction to your title was that you'll be setting yourself up for a miserable Christmas if whining of you don't get the same amount for both, but having read on I completely see your point.

I would just ask DP to give his kids a heads up about it, along the lines of "the others are getting all their presents here as they don't go to their dad's, whereas you are getting half here and half at your mum's because you go to both houses".

ETA how old are all the children in question?

How old are all the kids involved? If his are teens they’re old enough to understand quantity vs quality eg 3x £20 presents vs 1x£60 present. They’re also old enough to understand that they’ll get more presents later at mum’s whereas yours won’t.

You could always hold back some of your kids’ presents for them to open after your step kids have gone to their other parent.

Whats the real difference here? Are his kids getting a book and yours are getting iphones? Maybe reign back Christmas slightly if it is a very significant difference and go all out for your DC birthday.

A few factors are to be considered. His kids are older and the norm is that the older the child, the more you spend because what they really want is usually more expensive.

Saying that, if there is a big difference in age, the elder might not care that the younger ones are getting three books whilst they get one. Closer in age, with youngest getting the latest phone and an iPad, whilst the older are getting an older phone version might be an issue.

And then comes in what they get with their mum. If they get the phone at their mum and dad gets them the iPad, they might not care.

There is also their personalities. My kids never cared if one got more than the other and same with their step siblings. They were not the envious type or children who compare, so it was less an issue. For children who do gold a strong sense of justice, it might be very hurtful they are getting less, even if all together it is the same.

Lastly, the experience. If they've open their presents, and they then gave to spend the next half hour watching the others open them with the adults building the fun and excitement, they might feel inadequate.

Consider all those things with your OH to decide all in all how you can ensure Xmas is a nice experience for all 4 children.

Just give your dc some presents later in the day as other posters have said. It’s really not that big a deal unless you make it one. If they still believe in Father Christmas make a game “silly Santa has hidden some presents” - it’s only complicated if you make it complicated.