AIBU not to reduce my children’s Christmas presents to match stepchildren’s?

Just give your DC the same amount as DSC in the morning. Then when DSC go to their mums in the afternoon, give your DC the rest of their presents.

If you think your DSC will be upset if your own DC receive more presents, then balance it up so they get roughly the same while they’re there in the morning, and then your DC can have the rest of their presents later in the day. Just say: your step siblings have gone to get presents from their DM, so there are a couple more things for you under the tree. Job done, and no-one upset.

I understand but, well, it's not actually OK if only one of them is OK with it, is it? So that's irrelevant.

Also, kids may tell you that they are OK with it but secretly not be. Kids do these sorts of things for many reasons, perhaps wanting the family to feel like one family and therefore being OK to make a sacrifice. But it's not OK.

Even if the kids have requested it, you as the adult still have to make things equal. You can't have some getting more than others and then claiming to be OK with it because they feel they should, or that it will be better that way. That's messed up.

Even if the kids tell you it's OK, it's not - what does it do to your blended family dynamics? If you are talking about becoming one family, then when it comes to gifts from you and your partner, you need them all on equal footing.

If they get presents from different people at other times, later in the day, whatever - that's fine - but you are talking about your first Christmas morning together as one family. Make it equal and start as you mean to go on.

Just pool everything and split 5 ways. If you don't want to do that, that's fine, but don't blend the family on Christmas morning.

I think his kids are old enough that he can say to his in advance that while it will looklike Helloeveryonehere's kids have more on Christmas morning, it's because she needs to compensate because they don't get anything/much from their Dad, while you will be getting gifts later from your Mum and we are each responsible for separate gift giving. I am sure they will get it. Incidentally, why doesn't your kid's Dad buy them presents?

Well if your dp's kids actually get way more spent on them over all, it's not a problem, is it? If the kids say anything about it, just say, yeah, but Francis and Angelica are getting presents from their mom later. Everyone can understand that.

Lots of people have suggested that you spread your kids' gifts out and give them some layer, after the older kids have left. You don't seem to be engaging with this, but surely it's the perfect solution. Make sure everyone has the same number of gifts to open in the morning, and then your DC get their other gifts later. It doesn't have to be a secret - you can be quite open about it - it just avoids the whole time lag thing where the older ones have to sit watching the younger ones open stuff.

Also, are kids really that adept at quickly pricing up everything that has been spent? Most parents take advantage of price cuts and deals and so forth around Xmas, so I assume it won't be completely obvious exactly what you have spent on everyone.

Just see how many gifts your partner gets his kids, let yours open that same number in the morning, give them the rest later.

£300 is quite a lot to spend on kids as young as yours (not judging at all, just observing) so the amount they will be getting is better spread out anyway, or it can be overwhelming and they don't enjoy it as much.

Well if your dp's kids actually get way more spent on them over all, it's not a problem, is it? If the kids say anything about it, just say, yeah, but Francis and Angelica are getting presents from their mom later. Everyone can understand that.

It depends how you see the blended family's first Christmas though. If I were trying to create/ solidify a new family unit and spending our first Christmas morning together, I would definitely want everybody to feel equal and therefore have similar amounts of stuff to open.

Anything else just creates segregation and difference between the kids, even if it's explained, it's jarring. They'll still have to sit there and watch them open more stuff.

As a step child myself, I would have found it difficult if my step siblings and I had different amounts of gifts from our parents to open on Christmas morning, even if there was more to come from other family members later.

It's about Christmas morning itself and that being a special time for that new family unit.

Keep other stuff for another time.

That wouldn't solve the issue of more money being spent - it would just delay the conversation. It feels like OPs children have drawn the short straw in this arrangment. Why should they have to wait to get some of their presents, instead of opening them in the morning like they're used to? OP are you married? You don't sound like a blended family, you are two families under one roof.

How would you feel if he had loads of money and his kids had much more at Xmas and your kids didn't get much? Would you think that was ok for your kids??
Your step kids will remember this

Sorry if this has already been suggested but could you give your kids presents to the value of your DPs kids when they’re with you. Then when your SKs go to their mums you can give your kids the “extra bits”. And no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable :)

Do the same amount of presents in the morning then when the step children leave, then give your children some more gifts. Sorted

Why is it a farce?

Don't do it myself, but that's true of a lot of things and doesn't instantly render them farcical. I guess it spreads the excitement a bit, which probably is fun for the kids and perhaps their parents too? Doesn't seem to hurt anyone. And OP seems to factor it into her Xmas spending generally, so it's not increasing consumerism or debt in her case.

About 80% of respondents have suggested this. OP refuses to comment on it though.

'Our parents' as in my mum and step dad, who were parenting both me and my step siblings, as a blended family.

But their mom spends loads, so DP's kids actually get more.

Give them an equal amount of presents as the step children in the AM / from father Xmas.

Hold back the extras for PM when they go to their mums and give them to your children then.

Problem solved x

Anyway, a lot of mixed opinions so not a very helpful thread
Great! I bothered to write a list with different scenarios and suggestions and all you're bothered with is that people don't agree with you.

So tired of people who only posts so they can tell the person they are in conflict with that strangers agree with them so they must be right.

Maybe your children should only open some of their presents in the morning with their stepsiblings.
Christmas Eve boxes/stockings can all be fairly similar in number of presents but other presents need to be carefully managed.
Always good to start 'new' traditions when circumstances change!
FWIW, don't have a blended family but my children only have their stockings in the morning and other presents later! They don't have any issues with this!

To be honest, spreading out the opening of gifts is often better for younger kids anyway, both in my own experience and that of other families I have spoken to. The kids notice and play with and enjoy their stuff more, and don't get so overwhelmed.

Surely OP could try it at least. If it genuinely doesn't work they can try another strategy next year. But I don't think the little ones will be scarred for life from getting £150 worth of gifts in the morning, and having to wait a few hours to get the other £150 worth.....

It's not like they are just getting a tangerine, and having to wait a few hours for their piece of coal and a penny.....

That was my thought also.

Exactly! I won’t ever understand how people would do this to their kids. This arrangement never benefits the child, only the adults !!

I agree you shouldn’t spend less. But equally step kids could feel left out.

Could you do some present for everyone, then more presents for yours when step kids are at their mums (and getting more gifts)

Given the age gap it’s unlikely either set of siblings will really notice the presents or be particularly jealous of actual gifts.

I grew up in a blended family and my parents treated us all equally all the way through to each of us having the same wedding budget, the same house deposit and when the time comes, equal inheritance. My parents were both high earners and re-married people with very little cash and felt it was their responsibility to make sure all the kids were treated fairly. It’s made us all super close, like real siblings not step siblings, all the way into adulthood. I’d split the budget equally and be creative about what you buy them. They won’t notice being short changed compared to previous years but the big ones will notice if they’re left out xx

As others have said just give the extra presents to your kids after the step kids have left. You can tell the step kids about this if you want and your own children/ they each get two sittings of presents because your kids don’t get any extra ones from their dad. It’s very simple.