To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

I'm baffled by some of the replies here. He absolutely did lead OP on - Romantically, not sexually.

Taking women on dates while "not wanting a romantic relationship" is utterly ridiculous, let alone extending said date to 11 hours and going on another.

It doesn't make sense and you are allowed to feel hurt and confused, OP.

OP, he's just not that into you. You haven't done anything wrong, and you need to stop obsessing and move on. I know it's hard, but you'll gain nothing by analysing it over and over.

People can and do change their minds. He may have been romantically interested in OP, but for whatever reason it wasn’t something he wanted to pursue after that night. That isn’t leading her on.

He ignored her and walked off after he kissed her multiple times. That's not her expecting sex,that's expecting a basic level of politeness. Lack of sex is not the issue here.

I agree on both points here @AmberCatz
Also.. I think it comes across as rather arrogant of him to thank you for your apology, and yet not acknowledge at all that he hurt your feelings with an affectionate display in front of your friends, kissing and or that stomping off rudely walking ahead of you, whilst you struggled to get a taxi, didn't bother to see that you had a safe route home - that was not a nice way to treat you.

The polite thing to do would have been for him to apologise too, however mildly, for the fact that you felt hurt.

But I suppose you got a civil reply, and I hope that makes you feel less anxious about the whole thing.

You are also still struggling with the thought that you were "someone he respected and liked, but now saw another side to me and have probably change his viewpoint of me permanently... I feel very stupid."

You are most certainly NOT stupid. He gave you the impression that he liked you and all you effectively did was try to move the relationship along because you liked him. That's not a terrible thing to do. I think you sound much more honest than him actually. He reminds me of one of those teenage boys who like a person until you say you like them, then they are turned off because if you are mad enough to like them, you can't possibly be cool enough to date (in their eyes). Insecurity.

It did make me wonder if the root of this was he just wanted to date without any commitment but saw that you wanted an actual relationship and romance and he couldn't handle that. In other words, perhaps he wanted to have his cake and eat it, without any strings attached. Which isn't really a relationship at all.

That really is his problem, not yours. I don't know why that means you cannot be respected. And if he really loses respect for you because of something that's so small in the scheme of things, then that would have made for an uncomfortable relationship.
I hope you feel better about this soon

We can only go off the information we have, which is him saying that he is not interested in a romantic relationship. In that circumstance, he absolutely has led her on.

Do I think it possible he told a lie and actually just went off OP for some reason? Yes.

We can imagine all sorts of things to varying degrees of likelihood, but that is what he actually said himself, and is therefore fair to judge him on.

Better now than you falling harder for him and getting even more hurt.

Don’t worry about the embarrassment factor.

Sure, all we know is that it was true at the point he said that, after the night had turned sour and they had argued. That does not mean he led her on.

If you read the previous thread this guy has been sending mixed signals, but perhaps OP is overlooking them as she likes him or they have good chemistry/chat?

The guy hasn't been chasing the OP for formal dates.

• went to 11 hour meet doing a joint activity but there wasn't a kiss (I personally think this is too long for a first meet).

• had a lot of worry about if they were going to meet again.

• they did meet, but for a daytime coffee (guy only confirmed at the last minute, and said he wasn't sure if he could make the show).

• OP has posted about the show, so they did get round to it.

But I'm guessing this was seen as a date by the OP (dressing up) and an opportunity for a group social night out by the man.

Most people aren't happy going to shows and bars solo so that may have been the main draw for him.

I think the alcohol probably contributed to him kissing and being physical.

I agree his behaviour was thoughtless and unkind on the night in terms of getting home.

However, if he perceives she's more into him than him into her, that's probably why he didnt want to take things further.

If you're not into a guy and have a casual drunk snog and grope,
you go home and check out Tinder and laugh, rather than worry about one party apologising.

We've all been there, I'd personally drop 6 years off my age and find some 20-something men online if I wanted some physical contact and admiration ;-)

There is a meaningful difference between "I'm not interested in a romantic relationship" and "I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with you". He said the former. It also seems the argument was about being together/doing things together, implying he knew this before the argument escalated. Again, fine, but maybe don't stick your tongue down someone's throat if so.

We disagree and you will not change my mind. Take care.

Has anyone considered that the OP has stated she was drunk and if he HAD taken her up on her offer and she woke up with him in her bed, a hangover, partial recollection and regret most posters would be telling her she’d been raped. He was probably concerned about the matter of consent with someone who was clearly intoxicated, that he hadn’t slept with before and he hardly even knew. Who can blame him? He did the decent thing ffs!

The argument started because OP picked a fight when he said he was tired and was just going to go home. Her ego was hurt, and she acted like men stereotypically do when she didn’t get what she wanted.

Hmmm...your friends right, I think, he's a head fuck. If he wasnt he would have found a better way to say no than saying what he did and then walking away/ahead of you when you were alone and drunk and unable to get a taxi. I get its embarrassing for you to have demanded, drunkenly, an explanation, but it genuinely doesnt seem as if you were misreading the initial signals. You've said sorry for your bit, I'm sure he won't say sorry for his, snd though you liked him this is enough to show you another side of his character. You'll have to chalk it up to experience and stay cool with him. This all says much more about him than it does about you.

Don’t feel unsexy. Maybe he is asexual. Who goes on several dates if not looking for anything romantic? He should have gone to a meetup, if he was looking for a friendship. He is a time waster. Don’t apologise.

People are hung up on the sex part and it's not really about that
The continuing to go on dates the kissing and making out
Of course he didn't have to have sex but why was he going on dates in the first place if he wasn't interested in eventually some type of relationship or something
He just seems manipulative in a way it's hard to put a finger on it but it is a headfuck
Then the weirdness of him just walking off

Bit shit to complain about no sex and for asking him to apologise to you for "leading you on".
These responses would be very different if OP was a man.

If you turn this situation around and you were the guy, demanding an apology is not cool, however, wanting to sleep with him isn’t something to feel ashamed of. You were into it, and for whatever reason, he wasn’t. Don’t let this eat you up. It is weird that he spent all those hours with you but didn’t want to take it any further. Maybe he has an active case of herpes!

Totally agree, he didn’t say he didn’t fancy you he just declined sex which we are all allowed to do.

a kiss isn’t the green light for sex. He said No just as you have the right to say no.

he probably realised you were drunk and didn’t want to do anything you may regret in the morning.

you've totally overreacted here.

He is absolutely allowed to kiss you then not want sex OP. In the same way a woman could kiss a man and turn round and say no to sex / going back with someone. It doesn’t make him gay, although you seem quite keen for that to be the solution.

You’re hungover and embarrassed, it will feel better tomorrow.

His answer sounds like a stupid cop out. Why is he dating in the first place if he doesn't look for anything romantic and why has he spent plenty of time with you? Why did he kiss you and initiate another kiss? You weren't making things up, you were acting on what you saw from him, don't feel bad or embarassed, he's the one who should be feeling this because he was giving out mixed signals.

Leave it at that, OP. If he wants to text or call you, he will. If he doesn't, well, move on to the next one. It's hard after a breakup but the will be other attractive guys, you don't need to give your time to someone who doesn't value yours.

What is it with people reading the thread like the reason OP wanted this guy to apologise was him denying sex when it clearly was him saying he's not looking for anything romantic right after actively doing what would be considered the opposite? This was were he led her on, not him denying sex.

OP, I don't think you really owed him an apology but it was nice of you to send him one. Besides, it helped you feel a little better, so do whatever makes you feel better. The rest is up to him and I think he'll come around some time later but I personally wouldn't continue this. If he's messing with your head like this on the early stages, what could it be later!

I also think his "I'm not looking for anything romantic" could have been a very clumsy way of saying "I'm not looking for anything serious" and he might have thought that you were, hence these words. If this is the case he chould have articulated it better or, better yet, have an actual conversation about the intentions each of you have. Either way, I wouldn't take him back once he reappears (and I really think he might) and I also agree that it's quite a lazy cop out because if he changed his mind about you specifically, there is no problem in saying so.

OP this sounds like how my cheating ex behaved. He would test out other women, lead them on and then feel utter guilt after things would get serious. He would then make excuses and leave, only to return to them after an argument between him and me.

His actions could be guilt.

I am wondering what the answers would be if the situations were reversed (especially with reference to the comment about "owed an apology for leading them on").