To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

Are you quite young OP? Anyway whatever the reason is he simply does not want a relationship with you. I would move on and forget about it.

Good Lord…

Depends on how much you liked him I suppose as to how to proceed. I think some guys are a bit put off their stride by a woman being "forward" and prefer to be the ones "dictating the pace". It's a misstep and no-ones fault.

Yes, it’s a hard full stop after she went too far. If a man goes too far, is the woman beholden to him, or not?

I can understand you're disappointed that what you thought was a blossoming relationship is dead in the water. And I can understand that you're feeling humiliated after he turned down your offer of sex.

But you are being very unreasonable in insisting that he led you on. Anyone - man or woman - has the right to change their mind at any point in the process. You don't owe someone sex just because you've had a kiss.

He only made the comment about not looking for romance after it all blew up. Initially he only turned you down as he had work the next day and was tired - and perhaps he didn't want to sleep with a drunk woman because of issues around consent.

There's been lots of work done around the subject of consent in recent years, including the idea that you don't owe anyone sex. As women, we need to hold ourselves accountable to the same standards, it's not just for men. And that means not insisting that he led you on because he didn't want sex.

It also sounds as though you have issues around your self-esteem. You aren't remotely "losing your looks" because you're in your early 30s. You don't need to feel shame for expressing that you wanted sex. You don't need to be superslim to be attractive. And you've talked repeatedly here about how embarrassing it is that he didn't fancy you which given all that happened, is a daft notion. I would do a bit of work on how you view yourself because otherwise you'll always be projecting your issues onto the men you meet. Cliched though it may be, learn to love and value yourself first and you'll be so much happier in the long run.

On what evidence?

A lot of women turn into idiots when it comes to bisexuality in men.

He respected you enough to tell you he wasn't after a romantic relationship rather than have sex with you and then give you all the twaddle about not being ready for a relationship or leading you on with just offering crumbs so he hasn'tlead you on at all. I doubt he would have spent so much snogging you out of politeness. Take that he's being honest, he likes you but doesn't want a relationship for whatever reason. He may be happy to do friends with benefits but would you?

Oh bore off we’re not in a court of law.

I could only second this. He’s one man, there are millions in the world.

This. I’m astounded that this is the message. Certainly wouldn’t be if it were a man feeling led on, and having a go at a date for kissing but then not wanting more!

And bizzarely you’re still totally ignoring this.

I haven't slept with anyone in a year and was keen to take him home. So i suggested it and he said he was too tired and needed to sleep before work. I immediately read he just wasn't interested and it hurt but I brushed it off. He said we'll meet 'some other time'

I get being over invested but pretending it wasn’t whay I and the op said is a bit much.

He’s shitty, sorry he is. He should have said something before you kissed.
He doesn’t deserve you!

Isn't this the same international guy friend you posted about before?

You felt he was a bit lukewarm, more of a flirty friend for days out and activities? Didn't confirm meets.

What made you change your mind on him?

When coming to a new country people want to build a social circle of decent people their own age and go to "mainstream" places with attractive locals.

They can find its easier to get into social groups if they give the vibe they're after a date...

I cannot lie, I sometimes have visited new places solo and used OkCupid and got nice local men to be my tour guide. They were quite happy to accompany me to places or take me to parties. I've done the same for visitors to my city.

If we were out there might be a "date vibe" but it was all boundaried.

It's nothing to do with how attractive you are, he may just be enjoying the social status of being invited and included in your social life.

It seems you're spiraling a bit, if this guy is triggering something just block him everywhere and do some self-care.

Come on too strong with criticism of him for wanting an early night before work. Not all that sexist shite you made up.

That's mean, dismissive and judgemental. It meant a lot to the OP.

I suspect he does actually fancy you but has some sexual hang up (micro penis, premature ejaculation) I’ve heard of men behaving like that in these circumstances.

Why do you think he didn’t fancy you?

Wonderful advice, I can't imagine why OP hasn't thought of that.

Good god.

So, no evidence then.

So to conclude this thread:

If a man doesn't want to have sex with a drunk woman he must either have sexual hang-ups or be gay?

Also bisexual men are apparently a myth.

Gee... talk about men doing the objectifying 🙄

He sounds like hard work. You got to know him on an 11 hour first date, which he asked to continue longer, presumably because he was enjoying your company and felt some sort of connection. This has been over the space of a couple months, so he's had the chance to get to know you pretty well. He then wanted to have an extended boozy night with your friend and her boyfriend who also both got the impression he was into you.

Whilst he certainly didn't owe you an apology for not wanting to go back to your's for sex, he could have not given you the cold shoulder. If he's accepted your apology, but not elaborated on his feelings for you or apologised for giving mixed signals, I would leave it there. You've invested a lot of time and energy in him already and he's not been very open with you. I would try not to think that you could have done something differently and had a different outcome. It sounds like it wasn't meant to be and it's not necessarily a failure on your part.

Jesus fucking christ