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AIBU?

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AIBU to think missing five lessons as a detention seems counterproductive?

255 replies

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 22:57

DC (15) has been given a detention for messing around in class. Fair enough. I’ve told him it’s not acceptable. But, the detention is to miss five lessons. This feels counter intuitive to me. Surely it’s break time they should miss.

He said that one boy hasn’t had a single lesson all term because of his behaviour. GSCE years. If I was that parent I’d be changing schools.

I get that there have to be consequences for disruptive behaviour but won’t this just make the issues worse. For a child who messes about because they don’t understand or can’t keep up, it’s just going to confound the issue.

I don’t know. I’m not a teacher (no amount of money would persuade to me be - it’s such a difficult job) so may be I’m missing something. But this just seems counterintuitive to me and will just set difficult behaviour in stone. If there is a lad whose had no lessons since the start of term the it’s highly unlikely he’ll go back into lessons and participate fully - he won’t have a clue what’s going on, surely?

I’m interested to hear your thoughts.

AIBU or is this intervention likely to make the behaviour they are trying to reduce, worse, or they are sacrificing the education of the kids that struggle more to benefit the others?

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AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 22:58

That’s a bit of a garbled mess. But hopefully makes enough sense!

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Wolfiefan · 21/09/2026 23:00

This isn’t a detention. These students are being removed from a particular subject due to their bad behaviour. Focus on what the behaviour is and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

AllHoityToity · 21/09/2026 23:06

Isn’t it isolation rather than detention?

I suppose the point is that if you are disrupting others learning, then you can’t be in there so you have to be somewhere else.

AllHoityToity · 21/09/2026 23:07

There are hardly any breaks in secondary to miss.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

Wolfiefan · 21/09/2026 23:00

This isn’t a detention. These students are being removed from a particular subject due to their bad behaviour. Focus on what the behaviour is and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

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PrayForPlagues · 21/09/2026 23:09

It’s to give the teachers and other students a break from your sons terrible behaviour.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:10

AllHoityToity · 21/09/2026 23:06

Isn’t it isolation rather than detention?

I suppose the point is that if you are disrupting others learning, then you can’t be in there so you have to be somewhere else.

He focuses in his other lesson. My understanding is it this one subject he is difficult in.

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fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:10

That’s mad. Our secondary does lunch detentions or after school. No one gets to miss a lesson. They miss their own time.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:11

AllHoityToity · 21/09/2026 23:06

Isn’t it isolation rather than detention?

I suppose the point is that if you are disrupting others learning, then you can’t be in there so you have to be somewhere else.

There are few of them together in a classroom. They are given work to do but not the work relating to their subjects.

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fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:12

And missing all lessons since the start?! Does his school have generally bad results?

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:12

Then he’s making a choice not to behave for that teacher and that is detrimental to both the learning of other students and that teacher’s wellbeing. So, if he doesn’t want to miss other lessons, he learns to make a different choice next time.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:13

fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:10

That’s mad. Our secondary does lunch detentions or after school. No one gets to miss a lesson. They miss their own time.

That seems more like what I’d expect and fully support. Or even litter picking duty at lunch! Consequence is fine. It’s missing GCSE lessons I’m not convinced about.

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AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:14

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:12

Then he’s making a choice not to behave for that teacher and that is detrimental to both the learning of other students and that teacher’s wellbeing. So, if he doesn’t want to miss other lessons, he learns to make a different choice next time.

Yeah. I can understand that in theory but lots of kids that are disruptive it’s because they have unrecognised needs. So getting more behind is going exacerbate that. Surely? And lots of kids would be glad to get out if the lesson if it’s causing anxiety?

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AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:17

fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:12

And missing all lessons since the start?! Does his school have generally bad results?

That’s someone else’s kid that my DS spoke to in the detention. So it might not be accurate. But if the consequence is five missed lessons and he keeps misbehaving.

It’s a decent school to be fair. Some great teachers. This is new behavioural system brought in by the relatively new head. Not sure if other schools do this and it works. I just can’t see how it would.

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KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:21

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

If they stopped arsing around in class and disrupting everyone else’s learning they may find out? But your own ds is your problem, not anyone else. Concentrate on his need to play the fool rather than behave, because that’s the reason he’s being excluded from class.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:24

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:21

If they stopped arsing around in class and disrupting everyone else’s learning they may find out? But your own ds is your problem, not anyone else. Concentrate on his need to play the fool rather than behave, because that’s the reason he’s being excluded from class.

Obviously I am doing that. And I fully support the school giving a consequence but I just can’t see how him missing a whole day of learning is going to help. In fact, if he’s then fallen behind and feels anxious he’s more likely to be difficult or avoid school all together. Hopefully it will have the desired effect and scare him into better behaviour but I’m not convinced that’s the best way.

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Cel77 · 21/09/2026 23:24

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

Changing schools is an option. Unfortunately, some teenagers will not fit any education setting . Schools have to cater for most. Even with the best of wills, they can not spend precious resources on teenagers who are consistently disruptive. Psrents have a huge part to play in my opinion. They can take things away at home and make their offsprings do extra work. That might help...

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:25

It's isolation and is very common in secondary. Totally fair enough to get the disruptive kids away from those who want to work. My DS has had a couple.

Thatcannotberight · 21/09/2026 23:25

It might be the shock he needs.
DS ended up in the " Reflection Room" once in yr 8. I can't remember what he did, nothing I was contacted for.
He was given some work to do which he finished very quickly and asked for more work. The supervisor's reaction led him to believe this had never happened before.

He was appalled at the behaviour and language of the other children there. He's never behaved badly enough to go back.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:25

I am not considering changing schools. This is hopefully just a one off for my DC.

I do my part at home thanks.

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KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:26

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:24

Obviously I am doing that. And I fully support the school giving a consequence but I just can’t see how him missing a whole day of learning is going to help. In fact, if he’s then fallen behind and feels anxious he’s more likely to be difficult or avoid school all together. Hopefully it will have the desired effect and scare him into better behaviour but I’m not convinced that’s the best way.

What’s your idea of the “best way” to stop him being a such a smartass? Maybe put it into practice at home? That might help.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:26

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:25

It's isolation and is very common in secondary. Totally fair enough to get the disruptive kids away from those who want to work. My DS has had a couple.

But he does work in the other subjects.

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Cel77 · 21/09/2026 23:26

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:10

He focuses in his other lesson. My understanding is it this one subject he is difficult in.

So that's his choice. He is deliberately choosing to misbehave in that class. Maybe it's time to remind him that he doesn't have to like the teacher to show respect?

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/09/2026 23:27

So has he already been in detention to speak to this kid and had a day's exclusion tomorrow? 25 years of teaching and a kid doesn't get a day in whatever it's called in the school for making silly noises. He's been a pain in the arse, disrupted the learning of everyone else in the class and they want a bit of peace and hopefully him to lose his shitty attitude. If he doesn't he keeps getting removed.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:28

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:26

What’s your idea of the “best way” to stop him being a such a smartass? Maybe put it into practice at home? That might help.

‘Such a smart ass’? What’s your understanding of what his behaviour was?
What’s your understanding of what I do/don’t do at home?

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