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AIBU?

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AIBU to think missing five lessons as a detention seems counterproductive?

256 replies

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 22:57

DC (15) has been given a detention for messing around in class. Fair enough. I’ve told him it’s not acceptable. But, the detention is to miss five lessons. This feels counter intuitive to me. Surely it’s break time they should miss.

He said that one boy hasn’t had a single lesson all term because of his behaviour. GSCE years. If I was that parent I’d be changing schools.

I get that there have to be consequences for disruptive behaviour but won’t this just make the issues worse. For a child who messes about because they don’t understand or can’t keep up, it’s just going to confound the issue.

I don’t know. I’m not a teacher (no amount of money would persuade to me be - it’s such a difficult job) so may be I’m missing something. But this just seems counterintuitive to me and will just set difficult behaviour in stone. If there is a lad whose had no lessons since the start of term the it’s highly unlikely he’ll go back into lessons and participate fully - he won’t have a clue what’s going on, surely?

I’m interested to hear your thoughts.

AIBU or is this intervention likely to make the behaviour they are trying to reduce, worse, or they are sacrificing the education of the kids that struggle more to benefit the others?

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 21/09/2026 23:28

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:13

That seems more like what I’d expect and fully support. Or even litter picking duty at lunch! Consequence is fine. It’s missing GCSE lessons I’m not convinced about.

Yeah I don’t get it. I get removing from that lesson at the time.
But not the rest.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:29

Cel77 · 21/09/2026 23:26

So that's his choice. He is deliberately choosing to misbehave in that class. Maybe it's time to remind him that he doesn't have to like the teacher to show respect?

So I have used my words to explain that. I talk about people we know who are teachers. I am very clear the behaviour is unacceptable.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Morecoffeeneedef · 21/09/2026 23:29

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:10

He focuses in his other lesson. My understanding is it this one subject he is difficult in.

It will be tricky for you to work out what happened just from DCs account.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:30

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:26

But he does work in the other subjects.

Doesn't matter. The punishment is for the bad behaviour in the other lesson and the escalation to isolation will be crystal clear in the behaviour policy. They would have had several chances to correct the behaviour. It's really not a big deal though. I think the idea is that isolation is so dull they don't want to do it again, rather than to scare them.

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:31

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:28

‘Such a smart ass’? What’s your understanding of what his behaviour was?
What’s your understanding of what I do/don’t do at home?

None whatsoever. You wrote the op, professing to be mystified at your misbehaving son being removed from lessons rather than continue disrupting them?

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:31

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:14

Yeah. I can understand that in theory but lots of kids that are disruptive it’s because they have unrecognised needs. So getting more behind is going exacerbate that. Surely? And lots of kids would be glad to get out if the lesson if it’s causing anxiety?

Where I work, a day in isolation is a consequence of missing the original after school detention or for serious “red-line” behaviour. Are you sure it is the first consequence in this case? Or that his behaviour is not more serious than you believe?

in relation to your response, and with respect, the other pupils misbehaving, and the reasons for it, are not your concern here. He is choosing to be disrespectful and disruptive and it needs to stop. Maybe he doesn’t like the subject or teacher, we can’t all like everything and not all teachers are great, but he will understand more if he actually listens, completes the work and is neither distracted nor distracting.

The consequence is about more than just him. There is a good chance the teacher (and others in the class) will breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow when they see that they don’t need to deal with him in the lesson.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:34

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/09/2026 23:27

So has he already been in detention to speak to this kid and had a day's exclusion tomorrow? 25 years of teaching and a kid doesn't get a day in whatever it's called in the school for making silly noises. He's been a pain in the arse, disrupted the learning of everyone else in the class and they want a bit of peace and hopefully him to lose his shitty attitude. If he doesn't he keeps getting removed.

I have no doubt his behaviour wasn’t ok. It’s this one lesson and this one teacher. He feels they don’t like him. But the school haven’t contacted me directly. DS told me.

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titchy · 21/09/2026 23:38

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:09

He’s being removed from all five lessons tomorrow. So five different subjects. He was disruptive in one subject lesson. He feels the teacher doesn’t like him and he then acts up. I have been very clear his behaviour wasn’t acceptable (he made a silly noise - according to him) but missing five lessons doesn’t seem right.

And the lad whose missed all term is going to be so behind. How on earth is he going to begin to catch up and feel part of school life and engage with it?

The alternative is that the whole class is behind.
Think of the other kids, not just yours.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:31

Where I work, a day in isolation is a consequence of missing the original after school detention or for serious “red-line” behaviour. Are you sure it is the first consequence in this case? Or that his behaviour is not more serious than you believe?

in relation to your response, and with respect, the other pupils misbehaving, and the reasons for it, are not your concern here. He is choosing to be disrespectful and disruptive and it needs to stop. Maybe he doesn’t like the subject or teacher, we can’t all like everything and not all teachers are great, but he will understand more if he actually listens, completes the work and is neither distracted nor distracting.

The consequence is about more than just him. There is a good chance the teacher (and others in the class) will breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow when they see that they don’t need to deal with him in the lesson.

He doesn’t have that lesson tomorrow. That’s the bit I don’t get.

I think may be he missed one. If it was serious they’d have been in contact.

But regardless, yes he needs a consequence and to learn.

But my point is -

The child that messes around because they don’t understand but are embarrassed - they will fall further behind and the problem will get worse, right?
The child that messes around because they feel anxious and overwhelmed at school will just be relieved.

Surely it’s better to keep them in the lessons they concentrate in, exclude when the behaviour happens. Isolation at break times? If we are going to use negative consequences as the tool.

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Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:40

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2026 23:21

If they stopped arsing around in class and disrupting everyone else’s learning they may find out? But your own ds is your problem, not anyone else. Concentrate on his need to play the fool rather than behave, because that’s the reason he’s being excluded from class.

I agree.

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:40

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:34

I have no doubt his behaviour wasn’t ok. It’s this one lesson and this one teacher. He feels they don’t like him. But the school haven’t contacted me directly. DS told me.

You asked earlier what you can do. In light of this post, contact the school. Start with the teacher and CC in their head of department and the head of year. Ask for details of his behaviour in a email. Try not to sound defensive of him. Be clear and factual. You want to help him not get any more consequences, you’re not trying to say he doesn’t deserve it. You’d like to hear what he is doing from their side as a whole day in isolation sounds serious. If this is the first you have heard of his behaviour in this lesson say so. If it isn’t, ask for a phone call or a meeting to discuss how you can support the school in getting his behaviour back on track.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

titchy · 21/09/2026 23:38

The alternative is that the whole class is behind.
Think of the other kids, not just yours.

In most of his lessons he’s fine as far as I know.

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BluebellBeth · 21/09/2026 23:40

Yes it is. They moan about attendance then shove them in isolation. For some over and over again. It's almost like it doesn't work, or something

Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:41

titchy · 21/09/2026 23:38

The alternative is that the whole class is behind.
Think of the other kids, not just yours.

True

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:42

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:40

You asked earlier what you can do. In light of this post, contact the school. Start with the teacher and CC in their head of department and the head of year. Ask for details of his behaviour in a email. Try not to sound defensive of him. Be clear and factual. You want to help him not get any more consequences, you’re not trying to say he doesn’t deserve it. You’d like to hear what he is doing from their side as a whole day in isolation sounds serious. If this is the first you have heard of his behaviour in this lesson say so. If it isn’t, ask for a phone call or a meeting to discuss how you can support the school in getting his behaviour back on track.

I will. Of course be in touch with the school.

I fully support consequences but this seems counter intuitive to me. That’s my discussion point.

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Ablondiebutagoody · 21/09/2026 23:43

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

He doesn’t have that lesson tomorrow. That’s the bit I don’t get.

I think may be he missed one. If it was serious they’d have been in contact.

But regardless, yes he needs a consequence and to learn.

But my point is -

The child that messes around because they don’t understand but are embarrassed - they will fall further behind and the problem will get worse, right?
The child that messes around because they feel anxious and overwhelmed at school will just be relieved.

Surely it’s better to keep them in the lessons they concentrate in, exclude when the behaviour happens. Isolation at break times? If we are going to use negative consequences as the tool.

Better for who? There are 29 other kids in that class who also have needs that matter. 1 kid with whatever issue doesn't trump that.

Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:43

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

In most of his lessons he’s fine as far as I know.

Good. He should have no problem behaving in all of them then. Then he won't get put in isolation for disrupting other kids' learning

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:43

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

He doesn’t have that lesson tomorrow. That’s the bit I don’t get.

I think may be he missed one. If it was serious they’d have been in contact.

But regardless, yes he needs a consequence and to learn.

But my point is -

The child that messes around because they don’t understand but are embarrassed - they will fall further behind and the problem will get worse, right?
The child that messes around because they feel anxious and overwhelmed at school will just be relieved.

Surely it’s better to keep them in the lessons they concentrate in, exclude when the behaviour happens. Isolation at break times? If we are going to use negative consequences as the tool.

Maybe it is for the student in question. But this isn’t just about them. There will be about 30 students in the room. The 29 others deserve to learn. Yes it would be better to have the isolation on a day when he has that subject, but it’s sometimes just one thing to many to organise.

Also, plenty of student catch up after a day off ill. If he’s so anxious about not falling behind then behaving in the first place would have been a better choice. He needs to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:46

Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:43

Good. He should have no problem behaving in all of them then. Then he won't get put in isolation for disrupting other kids' learning

Edited

My point is, what is to be gained in excluding him from lessons in which he is engaged and works hard? What does that achieve.

The only possible mechanism for change is that he will be scared to miss his subjects. For kids that aren’t academic or aren’t encouraged to be, they won’t care and it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy won’t it?

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Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:47

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:40

He doesn’t have that lesson tomorrow. That’s the bit I don’t get.

I think may be he missed one. If it was serious they’d have been in contact.

But regardless, yes he needs a consequence and to learn.

But my point is -

The child that messes around because they don’t understand but are embarrassed - they will fall further behind and the problem will get worse, right?
The child that messes around because they feel anxious and overwhelmed at school will just be relieved.

Surely it’s better to keep them in the lessons they concentrate in, exclude when the behaviour happens. Isolation at break times? If we are going to use negative consequences as the tool.

Just concentrate on your ds rather than hypothetical people who are forced to piss around due to being anxious. They are teenagers so often mess around because it's fun.

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:47

Justanotherteacher · 21/09/2026 23:43

Maybe it is for the student in question. But this isn’t just about them. There will be about 30 students in the room. The 29 others deserve to learn. Yes it would be better to have the isolation on a day when he has that subject, but it’s sometimes just one thing to many to organise.

Also, plenty of student catch up after a day off ill. If he’s so anxious about not falling behind then behaving in the first place would have been a better choice. He needs to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

There are no 29 other pupils who will be effected tomorrow either way.

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ImaSpringChicken · 21/09/2026 23:49

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:17

That’s someone else’s kid that my DS spoke to in the detention. So it might not be accurate. But if the consequence is five missed lessons and he keeps misbehaving.

It’s a decent school to be fair. Some great teachers. This is new behavioural system brought in by the relatively new head. Not sure if other schools do this and it works. I just can’t see how it would.

The school does not revolve around your little soldier. The school are prioritising the learning of the 29 other learners in the class who are trying to concentrate!

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:49

Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:47

Just concentrate on your ds rather than hypothetical people who are forced to piss around due to being anxious. They are teenagers so often mess around because it's fun.

My whole post is about the idea and whether it is a helpful intervention. I’ll handle my DS. I’m interested in the theory behind this intervention. Does it work? Do other schools do this? It just seems counterintuitive to me. I’m

OP posts:
Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:49

If he doesn't want to miss more lessons he just needs to behave.

Etincelle · 21/09/2026 23:50

AroundTheWorldAround · 21/09/2026 23:49

My whole post is about the idea and whether it is a helpful intervention. I’ll handle my DS. I’m interested in the theory behind this intervention. Does it work? Do other schools do this? It just seems counterintuitive to me. I’m

Yes loads of schools use isolation