AIBU to think this reaction from a friend is bonkers? (and also insensitive)

@ChasingMars you've handled this all with good grace overall.

A couple of posts upthread someone pointed out that your friend would be extremely upset to discover all this was online now and it's a very fair point. It might be worth asking Mumsnet to withdraw the thread because there are direct reported messages in it from you but also from her.

I agree with this!

Agree with this. I dread to think if she stumbled across this thread. Especially now you’ve copy and pasted both your messages.

Oops sorry, your thread has moved on massively since this message. 😂

I dont know why you even replied to that load of garbage.

Interesting that she blames you for something that your DH did. Has she sent similar texts to him? Of course not, because she knows she's being ridiculous.

Gordon Bennett! Has she booked a therapy session to process the trauma? People like this drain my energy and I just can't be doing with them.

Talk about a drama llama. People who don't accept sincere apologies are quite often drama llamas because they actually want to keep the drama going as long as possible. If you're not like that yourself, it all becomes very tiresome and not worth the hassle. At least you now know what she is really like @ChasingMars and I think you are absolutely right to step back. A long way

What a massive overreaction! She clearly wants you to grovel, grovel again and then grovel some more. I suspect that underneath she is very insecure and possibly a little jealous of the relationship you and your husband have. She has entirely made up some narrative that she is the butt of some non-existent joke and lashed out, then doubled down on her faux hurt, even after you apologised. But whatever her issues are, she has taken it too far. The level of intensity and the scolding tone of her messages would be a step too far for me and I would have to pull back from the friendship. I think as you give yourself more distance you might start to process how one sided the relationship really is. It seems like this friendship only works as long as she is the main character in every drama.

Ooft this is exhausting, I couldn’t be friends with someone so offendable

Oh no! Maybe it's your turn now to ask for a bit of space! 😅
Seriously though, what you do next depends on how you really feel. If you do still want to meet up, maybe leave a bit of time so you can really think about how you feel and what you want from this friendship going forward. What doesn't add up is that if she loved and cherished your friendship so much, why did she jump so easily to being offended by such an obviously innocent comment? Will you always be walking on eggshells from now on??

Agree, but I cannot for the life of me see the damage here.
op, that is a wow overreaction from her and I’d give her all the time she wants and possibly then some. Don’t go on holiday with her! Don’t over invest emotionally in over sensitive people, it comes back to bite you….

@ChasingMars ... you need to drop the rope now, imo. Stop posting her texts, and ask for the ones where you've detailed her precise texts to be removed.

And leave it a little ... something like "let's let the dust settle, and then catch up" and give yourself a bit of space to think, and her. If you want to get back in touch, ping her in 2- 3 weeks.

Blimey she can’t even get on with her day because of some laughing emojis

Ah I see the type of friendship you are describing. Some 'friends' are very self-important and in that dynamic there's a clear 'giver' and a clear 'taker'. The 'taker' expects the giver in the relationship to keep on giving no matter what's going on in their lives. You needed support this week (I sympathise by the way, as I dropped my middle child off at uni and it's an emotionally significant event - even though I still have another one at home!) but your 'friend' has been offended I think by the very fact that the focus could be on you this once. The name drama sounds like an excuse/deflection. I had a recent example where a close friend of mine didn't bother visiting me in hospital or at any point during my recovery from major surgery - yet she got pissed off when she got incapacitated by a bug and I couldn't drop by.

Good grief she sounds exhausting. I’d be inclined to tell her you need some space then just stop contacting her. Absolute drama llama.

I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone- this is bonkers?! Her reaction is so OTT and I can't see how anyone thinks your DH (or you) has done anything wrong- he used a silly nickname, which he does with friends (and probably tallies with how he acts normally, which as his friend she would recognise- if he was acting in a way out of his norm maybe it would give her pause for a moment but it doesn't read like that's the case here).
Honestly the level or drama creation here would be enough to have me backing way out of the friendship. She's taken days to reflect (so self indulgent) and has talked herself into a whole scenario where she's been horribly wronged (laughing emoji- the horror!), she features heavily in your day to day lives (like you're lying in bed at night misty eyed talking about how amazing she usually) and her feelings are disproportionally important compared to hers. Sooo unnecessarily dramatic!

Hell fire. She's milking this isn't she?!

So, not only have you endlessly apologised for a non event, now you're offering to speak to her in person about it?!

The only things I'd be considering are:

The holiday. Do you really, really think spending a good amount of time with someone who expects the world off everyone (including fellow train passengers) and who can't accept an apology is a good idea;

And, she completely turned and ignored a significant experience in your life that was bringing sadness to you, back on her being 'poor little me' situation because of some emojis, so I'd be questioning the friendship and ending it.

Couldn't be arsed with shit like that!

Bloody hell, she's a lunatic, I couldn't be arsed with this, I would be telling her she's a lunatic and not to contact me again, it's ridiculous self I indulgent bollocks