To think my husband did not go too far and they should just get over it ?

I think its lovely you have the first year together . Its only ever a positive. And very odd your family dont see it that way.
You can only have a go at someone for so long before they snap back. And really if they cant cope with it then they shouldnt be making so many comments about how other people live .
Maybe now they will rethink how they speak to people .

If he just told them to fuck off and mind their own business there would have been absolutely nothing wrong. Annoying he said the weight comment but honestly sounds like they were goading him. Think it’s great you are parenting equally

So they can dish it out but not take it. Tell them they were in the wrong and kept ranting and pushing it. If they hadn't ranted and pushed he wouldn't have retaliated.

I would’ve really struggled not to laugh. Look it’s a shocking response, but your cousin/aunt was being a judgmental cow. She should be apologising, he clearly wouldn’t have gone below the belt if anyone had been pointing out it was none of her freaking business how your family operates.

Having read all your posts @ForFancyNavyLion your H is absolutely not BU.

as you say he’s had the last 4 years of this, and the previous 12 on other subjects.

i dare say with that all starting up again, it must have tipped him over the edge.

she was pushing for that and now has the cheek to try and play the victim

well fuck her! It’s about time.

he didn’t even pull that comment out of thin air either, he just reminded her of what SHE said she needed to focus on.

the narrative with them now is “I said what I said, and I meant what I said. I’ve had years of your comments and they stop right now. Unless you want me to get personal next time? I just told you what you’d been telling us. You own words. If your offended by your own words, nothing I can do about it”

Yeah he needs to apologise for the personal weight comment, but other than that, he did nothing wrong. He was provoked by a sexist comment and men absolutely should be helping out with their children.

He did nothing wrong imo.

Auntt brought up her own weight issues and is making unnecessary comments about things that are none of her business and doing it repeatedly on top of ridiculing your husband who is being an actual parent. I doubt anyone asked her opinion on the matter.

Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing.

Always eyeroll people who talk about moral high ground when it is always expected of the victim to have it and not the bully to be a better person.

I’m blown away by how many pearl clutchers think a weight comment is more offensive than telling a guy he shouldn’t be doing so much for his wife, shaming him or implying a lack of masculinity for being an active father. It’s offensive to both the OP and her husband. I’d’ve given him a standing ovation, frankly.

It’s not just the weight comment. Telling someone to “fuck off” is really aggressive. Sad so many posters think it’s normal language.
And the stupid “nosey” comment is the insult of a playground. I’d worry he’s not got the communication skills to bring up children.

I mean all he had to say was he finds the repeated comments on parenting insulting and they need to stop. And follow up with the consequence ie we won’t visit or won’t visit with the kids etc.

I think he did go too far and that personal insults are never appropriate. It was just a personal attack that had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation (and makes no sense in any case). He lost any moral high ground he had, and he should apologise for the insult.

At the same time, I think your relatives behaved badly as well. Their opinions are, frankly speaking, pathetic. They should keep those views to themselves. But responding to them as your husband did achieves nothing except raising the temperature. A lot of people on MN seem to thrive on drama, so they probably approve. But you're not living in some ridiculous reality TV show. In real life, most people say things they regret from time to time, but they still find a way to move on.

I think if someone was being critical and out of order can understand his response. Had he have made the comment out of the blue then it would have been totally unacceptable. If the aunt/cousin apologies then yes I think he should but otherwise no.

I think it's sad that he lowered himself to a weight comment. "just because your dad/husband didn't love his kids, doesn't mean other men shouldn't" would have been much more on topic.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Them being sexist and insulting your partner for (effectively) not being a 'proper' man, doesn't mean he can insult someone for their weight.

But I also wouldn't be expecting an apology. Both sides need to think about their behaviour.

It had everything to do with the conversation though. She had been saying she needed to do something about her weight. Had she been talking about knitting, that's what he would have reported with.

Please read OPs posts before constructing your strawman argument.

Or some of us think he has had enough of their comments over the years and in the heat of the moment told them to f-k off.

Are people not allowed to lose their cool after being berated repeatedly?

It’s all fine and dandy to say what he could have done and considering what they have said in the past and have pushed another family member over the edge to do the same thing, I wouldn’t be so quick to make it out as if he is more at fault than them.

He probably should apologise and so should your relative. If neither will make the first move you will have to take it on the chin and carry on. Dont let your family take it out on you.

yes, this.

Play arsehole games, get arsehole prizes.

She asked for it and she got it.

Hopefully it will help her to keep her opinions to herself.

At the same time I do understand why he snapped. It wasn't a random comment out of nowhere they'd been going on at him about our parenting, our relationship and the way we've chosen to divide things for quite a while

@ForFancyNavyLion why are you still seeing them? Even more so with your dh?
Why have not told them to f** off years ago. That your parenting is not up fur discussion?

Honestly, your dh has much more patience that I would have

There are moments when nothing but a “Fuck Off” will do. I do not use it very often myself, but when I do? Highly effective.
And no, it’s not a lack of vocabulary or intelligence or communication skills.

He wanted to shut it down and that’s what he did. I wouldn’t be encouraging him to apologise. If she can’t take it then she shouldn’t dish it out. Team DH here.

“Thanks for your feedback” and repeat as necessary. No need to launch personal attacks about the way a woman looks.

I’m with your DH. Where the fuck do people get off thinking they can say what they like about how you and DH choose to look after your children (which I think is fantastic by the way)? I’d have probably done exactly the same. I’m sick of people thinking they can do what they like then get all offended when you tell them to fuck off.

Pearls. Clutched.

Well you didn’t step this time.
Im not sure if you’ve stepped in much in the 17 years when your aunt has called him names too but it certainly hasn’t changed her behaviour.

And it’s easy to say ‘oh at 50yo, she isn’t going to change’ but she 35yo when it all started…

And then you conveniently ‘fir gut’ to give the context where tge aunt said herself she wanted to work on her weight, which makes your dh answer totally acceptable rather than rude (but FOAFO).

I mean if you’re happy fr you aunt to insult you because you feel sad for her (which btw sounds self inflicted), 5then go ahead. Spend time with her.
Just dint subject your dh and your dcs to it.