Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

I know what you mean!

Do people just love drama?! Sometimes I think people are not stressed at all, they just like the attention they get for saying it (🤫🤭)

YANBU but also I'm child-free and I thought this (on the inside) every time a friend told me they were going to have a child.

I also love dogs and the reason I don't have one is because I know perfectly well how much stress it would add to my life!

I've long observed that very few people seem to go about life in such a way as to make it as chilled, enjoyable and non-stressful as possible. I don't know why this is!

I know what you mean, I have a similiar friend.

She has 5 kids, 2 with disabilities, she has 4 dogs, a useless partner, full time job and a horse!!

She is always stressed (no surprise) but it’s like she doesn’t understand that her choices got her to where she is.

YANBU.

I think some people just thrive on the chaos. It looks exhausting to me though!

I've seen this myself with a couple of friends. They tend to live in the moment and romanticise things. Poor impulse control may contribute to the situation. Both situations ended in tears.

I think it's less about adding stress and more about people who are poor decision makers. SIL is like this. She makes poor decisions and the consequences cause stress. In her defense, the poor decisions are always made with good intentions.

eg like your friend, she also got a dog in the middle of an already chaotic life. It's a constant stress - she has no money and struggles with the cost of of the dog. She's a single mom and it was always tricky to walk the dog. But she got the dog because she has always loved dogs, this dog needed a home and she really does genuinely adore the dog nd love having him.

<shrug>

I have a friend like this.. but then there is probably someone who considers me to be their chaotic friend because of my choices.

Although it adds to the overall responsibilities, a dog generally helps to reduce stress and anxiety in a person.

I know people with pretty shit lives that get so much from having a dog.

Having a puppy is always hard but temporary.

Her waste of space partner is her her bigger issue

I know a lot of people who become stupid when it comes to pets. An old housemate of mine got a dog as she did not have a boyfriend and wanted emotional connection.

So she got one and never potty trained it properly (so it wees and poos all over the balcony) and she constantly whined about the cost. She also refused to train in properly due to lack of time and money and now its badly socialised.

I absolutely agree. Essentially the more humans and creatures you add into your life the more complicated it gets. Ditto job moves, house moves, country moves. I think keeping it simple where you can leads to a more content life.

I think I was a bit like this when I was younger. It was coming from a well-intentioned place - trying to avoid emptiness and a feeling of wanting to create a full, rich life and bring lots of good things into it. The combination of all the good things at once is the problem! And as soon as one support structure crumbles for whatever reason the the whole thing falls apart. I'm knackered now so yes, definitely living out the consequences of my choices! But also no regrets, because I love all the existing kids and pets... but no more please!

But conversely, some people are just very low-energy, and the idea of leaving the house other than going to work, or getting off the sofa, or seeing friends, or committing to something not strictly necessary, is to them 'unnecessary stress.'

I used to have a colleague who found my perfectly ordinary levels of activity (FT job, married, one child, writing on the side, seeing friends, singing in a band, periodically going to gigs or films, hiking, walking a friend's dog, going away for weekends or to my home country to visit family, a bit of local activism) absolutely incomprehensible.

Whereas he did exactly the same job as me at the same level of seniority, and had a similar commute, married with two children, but would complain about anything 'extra' in his week, like a parent-teacher meeting or having to take them to their swimming lesson on Saturday morning, as if it somehow infected his whole week. His idea of heaven was sitting down on the sofa after he got home from work on Friday, knowing he didn't have to leave the house again till he left for work on Monday.

I suppose what I'm saying is that what counts as 'unnecessary stress' is pretty subjective.

How about people who go and commit crime. They've got the stress of trying to cover up, and lie. They've got to worry if the police are going to come calling. Possibly face a court case. Jail., being hated. Losing their home, pets, Friends and family. Being in the local paper, etc

However can it be worth bringing that stress on yourself. It can't be. Self inflicted stress. 😲

I think people see dogs for 10 minutes or see friends with well behaved dogs and think it looks easy. I also think people have a romantic view of ‘doggy life’ and want to have it - walks in the woods, fresh air, cute well behaved dog. They forget (or don’t realise) that for the other 23 hours a day the beast requires feeding (endlessly if a Labrador), training, they are needy, they chew, they bark, they create endless mess/hair/vacuuming/slobber marks, literally everything is either toxic to them or sharp, and above all if you’re a good owner you adore the very bones of them so emotionally it’s like having a child who depends on you. Plus the cost, and the tie. I’ve just been asked on training course at my new role, everyone else is being put up for a week in a hotel, whereas I will have to commute every day or pay £200 for kennels and will probably still have to pay a dog walker £15 a day. i have a relatively quiet chaos free life, and yet I would never have another dog.

Some people seem addicted to drama and chaos. Maybe it’s what they grew up with and so need the constant hit of adrenaline because it’s familiar and all they know?

The addition of the horse on the end of all that just creased me up, for some reason!

👶👶👶👶👶🐕🐶🐕‍🦺🐩 🙎‍♂️📝🐎

But it is not just a dog. It's anything where the decision making is more complex than yes/no.

SIL, for example, will do something like agree to go for a weekend away with girlfriends. Her thinking is she needs it, needs the break, deserves it. But she doesn't think through the realities - she's a single mum so she has to figure out what to do with the DC and the dog (dad is barely in the picture), plus she has very little money so then she's stressing for months about the cost.

So the trip becomes this source of intense stress both before and after for her. And it all stems from the original decision whcih she made based on her perfectly reasonable desire to have some time away and get a break.

That’s far above a standard workload though, and parenting two kids is zone defense compared to one. He was still showing up and taking them to swimming, grumbling about it is just being a tired parent, not 'low-energy.' You recharge by going out and doing things; he recharged through quiet. Different batteries, different reality.

One of my friends struggles with money. No days out, no holidays etc. Yet they got a puppy and two cats....now less money for their two children and themselves. They don't even walk the dog because they 'don't have time' 😑

Jesus wept! I actually couldn't listen to her even hinting at stress, because this is utter madness.
Just no!

YANBU

It’s a way of deflecting and keeping their minds off of the real issues.

Its like when a relationship is failing and they plan to have a baby.

However, I don’t judge people as I know in my situation my pets were the only thing stopping me from committing suicide during the most stressful periods of my life - perhaps it’s similar to them.

i think I am this friend, except my best friend is similar and we both think each other equally mad but also understand that neither of us wanted the drama in our lives we just wanted our partners and our blended families.

FWIW I think any kind of blended family and multiple kids tends to bring chaos. If your partners ex is difficult and keeps bringing drama to your house (which it always will no matter how much you try to grey rock because the kids are experiencing it too and they bring behaviour that’s a consequence of drama) then there’s nothing you can do except stay or walk away. Once you have kids together even walking away wouldn’t truly end the drama.

I don’t think my partner is useless like your friends is, he’s my absolute rock through all the insanity that is our lives. I do sometimes dream of a drama free life but I don’t dream of a life without him or my step-kids in it just one that is less stressful.

also, I won’t get a dog because I know I can’t handle the stress and am always trying to fund ways to reduce our load, it’s just that life seems to keep throwing stuff at us.

I think she's probably desperate for love and connection, not necessarily drama.