Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

To be honest, she'd probably rather talk about her dog stresses than her redundancy or crap partner stresses. It shifts the focus onto something more pleasant even if it's also a bit stressful.

Have a couple of friends like this. I always love spending time with them as they are so interesting and always have so much going on to talk about. I feel so dull in comparison (but simultaneously so relieved!)
Yes. They have dogs and cats. And debts. And relationship dramas. And struggling children.
I think some people just act impulsively and have a picture in their minds of what they would like life to be but no ability to strategically plan for that life. So all decisions are reactions rather than plans.

I knew this would be about a dog before I even opened the thread. So many people think getting a dog or cat when their lives are shit is going to make everything miraculously better. It doesn’t.

That is definitely ny view on pets - unfortunately my 9 year old is desperate for one!! Im trying to work out what the simplest/easiest pet is 😬😬

I always think that about people who take on renovation projects. I get the appeal, I did it whilst having a newborn (never again!!). I also have friends who have moved really far from work (ie to an idyllic country cottage in the middle of nowhere) then complain about the commute

My DD is like that , has 3 DC . 3 dogs , a parrot, an aquarium. A gecko and two guinea pigs . Self employed in a successful business. One headless chicken.

I found having a puppy more hard work than a newborn baby tbh. I don't think think people realise how destructive a puppy can be.
However, I was a bit like your friend a decade ago. I had 3 DC, a DH working long hours and away working a fair bit, a dog, 2 cats and a DS going through an ASD assessment/school refusal. I had also been recently bereaved (my DDad). I then brought a puppy into the mix!
I don't really know what I was thinking! I was reeling after the loss of my DDad, and I just craved having a 'new life' in the house. It was like I wanted to fill my house with as many DC and pets as I could - a house full of life and love.
I have, for the past 3 years, been in long-term therapy, and I think it basically stems back to abandonment issues, grief, a fear of being alone & unloved, and so on.
I'd say I'm working through it!
I do think there are people who thrive on drama though - your friend should definitely get rid of the useless boyfriend.

We all have such different energy levels and capacity, it's interesting!

I know quite a few people who seem to love stress and chaos
more kids they can’t afford, awful partners they won’t leave, staying in jobs they hate, awful friends, poorly behaved kids they don’t actually seem to do anything about, debts they can’t afford, shagging horrible men then later crying the men are horrible

I just nod now and say “oh that’s a shame” or something because I realise that some people truly love drama

It's an interesting one I have also lived a simple life (small flat, no partner, no kids, no pets, straightforward job) and i was really unhappy and unfulfilled. Now I am a single parent (1DC), senior job, 'needy' gorgeous house. Life is hectic and super stressful at times, but I love having a 'full life' with lots to do! But I have 1dc and no pets so it's on a different scale than OP was talking about!!

It's a cat. HTH

Yep. Definitely a cat, an outdoor one with a cat door and a water fountain. Older tho. Not a kitten!

I think that type of person and an ambitious successful person have a lot in common. My Dh seems to manage to complicate life unnecessarily and I have to constantly push back, usually it's more minor things like starting a DIY job around the house at a really bad time. But it comes from a sense of never quite being happy with the status quo, he is always trying to change things up. He wants a bigger house, a better car, a longer holiday, to be fitter, to run marathons, etc. He is the same at work and it has served him well in that he has been very successful but it's really frustrating to live with sometimes. He can never just be. My SIL is exactly the same. She is an adrenaline junkie and is constantly doing things to push herself physically and mentally. She could never just spend a weekend chilling out and eating snacks in front of the TV.

I think some people genuinely thrive in chaos and drama. My MIL is like this. SIL’s life is nothing short of a nightmare but MIL injects herself into it constantly then moans to DH about it. She’s actively choosing to get involved because she loves the drama. DH and I don’t so we don’t have anything to do with her. Some people are wired differently I guess and love having something to stress about.

I often think this about people who have affairs. When I told my ex I was divorcing him he asked me if there was someone else. I said “Jesus Christ I can’t deal with the one man I have, let alone 2!” 🤣

Because they think the new thing, whatever it is, will make them into a new and better person.

Your friend no doubt saw herself as this chilled person, taking the dog out for healthy, relaxing exercise - the dog being her new best friend, her becoming an outdoorsy, competent, country walks kind of person - a whole new vision of life, the chaos magically melting away.

Unfortunately, the new thing, whatever it is, rarely has those magical powers and at best, the person has the same life with a new thing in it, at worst, as has happened to your friend, the new thing adds to the existing problem.

I agree with this. Some people are driven to start businesses and take huge risks and others take on iron man challenges which push their bodies to the limits. They just like a challenge and seek out things which others might call 'needless stress'

Because everyone needs to have good things in their life? I could have much less stress if I didn't keep all my many pets, didn't garden, didn't do voluntary work, but what's the point in a life where you just work and watch TV? The stress is proportional to the joy!

I have a friend of 35 years who is like this.Her divorce after years of her trying to fix her deadbeat husband, only to then immediately get with another walking red flag, has completely tested our friendship.The list of terrible boyfriends in our teens and 20s was fine - we were all into the drama then- now it's tiresome and I just don't want to hear her problems when they are all self inflicted and she won't take advice.Plus a dog awful housing and financial decisions, work dramas. She would be so much better on her own but just overlaps awful men.

Totally agree OP, I know too many with chaotic lives running around with kids in nursery other children at different schools, after school clubs coming out of their ears, cats and dogs, crazy jobs. Some people know no other way.

I have a relative like this and they do seem oblivious to understanding that they are the cause of their own self-inflicted problems
Overlapping bad men and poor financial decisions that you just wonder what on Earth are they thinking? And then wanting to unload all their drama on you like they don't understand why their life is this way but like you said they don't want to hear any type of advice because they also know so much better than you, so then you just end up being there dumping ground

I’m beginning to wonder if my dog is a figment of my imagination, as I don’t recognise the chaos and stress of being a pet owner that’s been mentioned here.

Once out of the puppy stage, of course.

Don't forget being woken up in the night because the dog wants to go out/walk about/bark at the wind. And don't get me started on staying in a hotel with ddog! She barked at all the strange sounds. I'm saying now that we'll never have another dog, but I've realised from this thread that I must have poor impulse control!

Totally agree. There are often posts on here about people who have far too much on in their life or can’t afford things. Then you read that they have a dog(s) and or several children.
Dogs require time and money spent on them. If you haven’t got spare time and money then your children will suffer.

Your post resonated with me. I have one DC, and don't understand women who have loads of children and who then complain about the cost, the drudgery, the mental load, the chaos etc of having all those children. It comes with the territory, surely?

We don't have a dog because the tie and the commitment of owning one is something I am not prepared to undergo.

Weddings can also get stressful, all the who to invite, what to eat, do we ask for no gifts, guests having to spend hundreds on travel. Much easier to go to a register office with two witnesses then go to Wetherspoons for a mixed grill. But I understand people enjoy the party and getting together with family.