Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

Thank you for this @gannett I think I'm like you - all about damage limitation. I so miss my cat (who came to us from the cold) but I won't get another pet. It affects your holidays, they age and die on you, they cost a lot. I like a minimalist, simple and stress-free life. I can't have loads of shoes and bags - only the bare minimum. I can't have too many people around me. Can't explain it really.

But surely you see the irony of calling him "low energy" while declaring your levels of energy "perfectly ordinary", then subsequently commenting on how stress impacts people as "subjective"? There's no blanket rule for either category.

I would add that there are people who spend hours and hours of their life on charity work whilst getting near to neglecting their own bundle of kids. I have a particular woman in mind. Her DH just pushes off to his allotment and leaves her at whatever Fete, Gala, Sale of work she is attending with her snot nosed kids and elderly dog tied to her mobility scooter. Neither she, kids nor dog seem to enjoy their day.

That exactly what I said, though. He thought I was very high-energy. I thought he was incredibly low-energy. These things are subjective.

I used to have a high-energy colleague who found my perfectly ordinary levels of energy absolutely incomprehensible. She couldn't understand why, after working all week, I didn't want to spend my weekends hiking, going to gigs, travelling, writing, joining bands and doing local activism. Her idea of a relaxing weekend was apparently to keep adding activities to it. I suppose what I'm saying is that what counts as “unnecessary stress” is pretty subjective.

@Cadeaukatze Yes, I know people with careers/jobs that would cause me huge amounts of stress, including my DH's. But it doesn't bother him that much, different personality, I suppose.

But then other stuff like dealing with emotional issues or illness stresses him out far more than they do me!

Strangely, being parents doesn't unduly stress either of us, but we did stop at two, which was a sensible decision for us.

Well people have children when they are on the bones of their arse - humans are not the brightest.

Well because frankly, I think some people are just a bit dim.

You can have hobbies that don't involve stress. And you choose them and when to do them.

Having a pet is a lifetime commitment (which could be a very long time in the case of a dog or a cat). Very different to a hobby like voluntary work which you do when it suits you and give you when it no longer does.

Having pets and kids is really very different to hobbies.

That's me and DH. Mr and Mrs Dullsville.

At least that's a one-off event though (or at the very least hopefully only once say every 20 years). A dog is for life and not for Christmas as they say (as are kids).

Also agree - one child, no pets, part-time job = low stress.

I have a colleague with two children, a dog, a horse and she works close to full-time hours. I have no idea when she sleeps.

Maybe - I’m a Social worker so perhaps my view about this is influenced by the demographics on my radar x

That's interesting. I have found that grief has actually made me care less about all of the vacuous stuff that some of those without a significant loss care about. Infact it has made me quite angry and unwilling to entertain certain conversations with certain people. I have definitely realised life is too short e.g holiday over a home renovation. I don't make stress for myself though, but we are all different.

I think you’re right that grief (from loss and the sort of longing for calm that a drama filled life you didn’t sign up to causes) can cause you to make rash decisions and you need to stabilise to get out of that spiral.

i certainly feel the stress in my life over the last few years (which included losing my gran, my partner being made redundant, moving home and it being more of a renovation project than we thought and my step-children’s mother bringing a stream of partners including a pedophile in to the children’s lives) has caused me to make rash decisions and spend more money than I should in a desperate attempt to escape from the stress/trauma and do something that makes us happy. I have reigned that back in steadily and do feel happier as a consequence but the impulse is still to think that a weekend break, retail-therapy or a major house project will distract us from the real issues.

There’s always something happening in life. Waiting for the right moment to have a baby, get a dog, move house, start a new job or whatever may mean that it never happens. Sometimes you just got to think YOLO and crack on!

And if all that wasn’t enough… this woman has “friends” like @Glummballs who start threads about her basically asking posters to criticise her. Poor sod

I know exactly what you mean.

I also think it’s different from people who take on a lot and enjoy and laugh about the craziness of their lives and the challenges of it. I know people like that and that’s fine. But there are people who clearly are constantly stressed and panicked and complaining about problems they have 100% brought upon themselves, or people who make every situation worse by actively adding to it. I find those people so draining.

I had friends who moaned about how stressed and skint they were and then decided to have another baby and presented it as a good idea.

I mean, what? Immediate massive step back because no way in hell am I listening to that level of self induced moaning.

I get it, OP. I work with children and families, and I see this all the time. People who are really struggling financially, can't cope with their children's behaviour, constantly stressed out and overwhelmed, having to rely heavily on various agencies for practical, financial and emotional support just to keep afloat... but they keep getting more and more pets! It's hard not to be frustrated by it, but it's their choice.

I think a pp who mentioned poor impulse control is probably right. I also think some people just feel chronically empty. They convince themselves that another puppy, another baby or whatever it is will fill the void, but they still feel shit, so they start coveting the next thing.

I am not like this now, but I used to be.

I had an abusive Father, an eating disorder which made me very self-concious, was bullied, but also was very bored a lot of the time. Dad hated me, Mum was a big career woman. I was always just at home with nothing to do but eat and potter about, any time I wasn't at school.

I think in my younger adult years, once I had freedom, a body I was happier with and friends, I just needed to fill allllll of my time, I was both terrified of being bored and newly a 'real person' who could do things,and wasn't under the watchful eye of my Dad who resented any joy or childlike behaviour.

It took me until my mid-late thirties to become calm and appreciate downtime more than chaos.

I could probably be the chaotic friend 🤣 (I'm definitely not though!) my friend who is single, no kids, no pets and a decent job came to visit recently. I have a family full of neurodivergence and have chronic health problems myself and 2 dogs, 1 of which is a puppy! But I honestly wouldn't wish my life to be easier, I absolutely adore my kids despite how much work they are at times and I love my solitary moments with my dogs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some people love the drama.
A friend of mine that I’ve recently distanced from constantly has another drama and is adding more to her plate.
It took me a while to realise the pattern of regular crises I was drawn into before realizing they were never really an issue. Or could have easily been a non issue.
so just let them do their thing and distance if the moaning gets too much. People like that have to help themselves !

Some people seem to thrive on endless drama and strife. 🤷‍♀️