Why do people add even more needless stress to their life?

My brother and his wife are like this. They're both comfortably off, educated professionals. They have 4 kids, 2 with SEN and one on anxiety meds. They have twice had to re-home a dog because it's too much, and they keep renovating one house, selling it on and then doing another one. It's like they either can't see the consequences beforehand or just seem to seek out complexity for some reason.

Some people can't visualise what something will actually be like in reality. Some people like the adrenaline that comes from stress and pressure.

Some people are really cautious and only make very sensible decisions and avoid stress at all costs. That can be a bit dull.

I have a close relation like this. Thrives on any drama he can get his hands on.

I have known people like this, and I always wonder why they do it. Have a chaotic life, get a dog, get another dogs, dogs have puppies, keep a couple of puppies, have 4 massive dogs on top of chaos.

I have a health condition, and doctors told me I needed to reduce stress in my life. Easier said than done. I now walk other people's pets voluntarily

There are definitely people who seem to seek out stress and drama, but on the other hand, there's no perfect time for big decisions like having children or buying houses or getting a puppy. If you wait for the perfect time, you'll never do anything. It's too easy to talk yourself out of doing something because there's always a reason to postpone it.

I feel sorry for your friend! Anyone can be made redundant, her partner brings nothing but stress and drama, she’s got a dog which was probably supposed to be a pleasant and happy addition, and her mate’s moaning about her online!

I have the same thought about people who have more kids when their lives are already really not fun but that's not the kind of thing you can say out loud

People just make poor, short sighted decisions- with no sensible thought to the future.

My kids were desperate for a rescue cat- I mean, they begged me every week! I made them wait for about 18 months; we didn't have enough spare cash to absorb all the general cat costs AND pet insurance. (Who knew it would be that expensive!) No, I'm not spontaneous, whacky, and I don't 'live for the moment'.

I'm sensible and if the bloody cat develops some sort of issue, I won't need to lie awake at night worrying about how to pay for it because I've hopefully sorted it out before the cat even got here. I'm sure your friend would call people like me dull but I'm ok with that....

I hate the fact that some people get a dog without understanding that they're a living thing, not a stuffed toy. A puppy is not that different to a baby. They need careful nurturing, feeding, training, socialising. If you're not prepared for that then dont get a dog. Because tou don't own a dog, you take care of them.

They are utterly dependent on you. You are their entire world. And they have feelings and emotions and don't cope with being abandoned or mistreated.

Your friend was negligent to get a dog if she's stressed out by having one.

Oddly enough when I read the title , the FIRST thing that came into my mind was it must be people with pets.
it’s always people who have their own most difficult situations- they always have a 100 pets too!

Yes, I have a friend who I have known for about 36 years. She has one son and 2 daughters, with 6 years between them, and aged 28, 30, and 34. The 2 older ones still live at home. The 30 y.o. has never left, and the 34 y.o has left 3 times for 5-6 months and come back. The 28 y.o. (the son) has never left, and he has worked around 9 months since he left school. Total bone idle cock lodger who has never paid rent and board. Her DH is as soft as shit and does nothing about it. All 3 DC still live at home. They have a large 4 bed ex council house.

The 2 DD have a baby each now, (live with her too and share the DD's bedroom(s,) and she spends half her spare time babysitting. 'Can't do this, can't do that, can't go there, etc etc, because I'm babysitting' comes up every few weeks from her. She has 2 dogs that need walking several times a day - she always does it, Her older dog died last year and after getting into debt for £7K worth of vet bills, she got another dog. So she still has 2!

She has a 24 hour a week job too. In hospitality. She has an autistic brother who is fairly high functioning, and has his own flat, a mile from her, and she helps him with everyday living, but he is getting a bit scatty and confused (he's 48,) and she's clearing the study out in her house for a bedroom for him, so he can come and live with her. So she is adding him into her chaos now. She has 2 sisters close in age to her, but neither of them do anything to help the brother, neither does her other brother. She also has an elderly aunt who she runs around after getting shopping, and picking up prescriptions, and running her around to places once a week a so, and helping her with chores.

She's always stressed and frazzled and cancelling things as something's come up, with the DC, or her brother, or the dogs, or work, or great untie Pat, or the grandkids, always something, and she keeps on adding shit to her chaos!

I feel exhausted just listening to her sometimes. I have NO idea why she chooses this life. She also has around £45K debt (including the £7K vet bill.)

I couldn't live like this.

To be fair unless you’ve had a puppy it’s hard to really have a sense of how much work they are.

i know when I got my first puppy I had no idea!

but yes O hear you.

my SIL is like this.

7 kids two cats a dog. She’s bonkers. House is far too small for them all aswell,

now some of them are diagnosed autistic (after a decade or so of “we don’t want to label”)

she home Eds all of them aswell.

Some people think that the added stress is worth it. Taking your example, yes, having a dog is more responsibility, there is more to do and we all have finite time. But dogs bring such joy, and are such great stress relievers. I wouldn’t trade my dog for less stress in a month of Sundays. Same with kids, the highs are higher and the lows are lower. Everyone has to make their own decision on whether that’s the right thing for them. I personally can’t imagine life without my kids and my dog.

My DH and I discuss this a LOT!!

@FofB People just make poor, short sighted decisions- with no sensible thought to the future.
100% agree with this! I would also argue that SO many people think TOO much about the future rather than the now. They have this idea of a ‘dream’ life and stop at nothing to get that, regardless of how stressful their lives are in the present. They then end up achieving it but haven’t thought of the consequences. People absolutely have more kids than they have capacity for/want/need/can afford, then are surprised when they feel stressed and overwhelmed. People buy houses that are too big and expensive for them, then are miserable when they have to continue working a job they hate to afford it. People buy pets they can’t look after, then are surprised when they are a ‘lot of work’.

People live lives that are expected of them rather than lives they actually want. I honestly think this happens more than not, so many I know are just so overwhelmed and stressed ALL the time.

I don’t agree that people are cautious, I think some people just see the “bigger picture” 4/5 kids is extremely busy and expensive so you’d need to be earning a lot of money and live in a large house to decide to have this many kids (you’d think) and puppies require time to train and then time and money to look after so again - have a think… look ahead… focus on the reality… Some people don’t look forward, make a plan, consider whether they have the time/energy/means to facilitate their decisions…

Second paragraph is also correct imo

I'd guess she wanted something that would love her unconditionally, and not ever be nasty and shout at her like partners/kids. And having a dog is very beneficial for health. Not saying it's a good idea, or fair on the pet, though.

I have a friend like this. Really worried about money, taking work through Acas to wfh (been refused as no real reason) as she can’t afford the petrol 3x week (45min drive). Gets a puppy. Now wants to go out out (despite being along) but we all have to work around the dog. Needs a sitter for the dog as she’s just booked a holiday she can’t afford at half term.

another friend just been made redundant, after spending the £30k on a Disney holiday for 3 people. Now moaning she only lives in a 3 bed detached and she’s really miserable about her new job because she has to work so hard.

I was just thinking about this the other day I don't understand why somebody wants to get a dog when they have a useless partner a bunch of small kids and they're just adding a dog to their existing mess.

They know that the useless partner and the kids are not going to feed or walk the dog they will be stuck doing it. it makes no sense to me either

It does sound like your friend has created another responsibility and cause of stress for herself @Glummballs .

But, we're all mystified by other people's life choices sometimes, aren't we, I know that I certainly am!

I'm currently questioning every single day why I chose the life I have (4 kids, 3 autistic, shit house, unemployable) I might as well get myself a horse for good measure (joking!)

I was raised by a chaotic family and have to actively choose and fight to not be chaotic myself. Some people are drawn to chaos like moths to a flame. Undiagnosed adhd was a big factor for me too. Now Incan recognize when I’m dopamine seeking a bit easier.

Everyone has dogs where I live. I don't get it. In fact, I feel that having a dog is infantilising. Unless you're rolling in money and have people to look after your dog, you're really restricting your life.

Some people can never think things through. The worst is when people have several kids, are in dodgy relationships, and then get pregnant again with a new partner they've known for five minutes. I never ever understand people like that. Or men who are hopeless fathers and then get their new girlfriend pregnant. Some people are just mentally incontinent.

The hassle is a large part of why I am not a criminal. Which I guess is the point of laws. 😁

My morals are quite flexible, but I am also extraordinarily lazy...