AIBU for taking our young children home before the wedding meal?

Why not arrange pick up after the speeches, that way you have the perfect excuse to leave the room when the speeches start with the kids, they are always tedious (even my own!)

I'm an outlier - all our family weddings have included all family children from babes in arms to great lumpen adults.
There have always been enough people to rock a baby, sit at the back with a fidgeting toddler, or briefly leave with a difficult/howling child.
In fact I can think of only a couple of weddings where children were not welcome. I don't recognise all this screaming in the church or tearing around during speeches people talk about.

But if YOU don't want your children there, then it doesn't matter how accommodating (or not) the way will be. You just need to tell them politely something like "we want to get absolutely rat-arsed do don't want the kids there"

I don't understand these dilemmas at all. Family weddings are for everyone. The kids are fussed over by all the family. Everyone takes turns with them dancing, holding, feeding etc. You go home, give them a nice bath and crash.

@Dweetfidilove yeah but OP doesn’t want to go home, she wants to carry on partying.

No one will take turns feeding them. You will be stuck trying to feed both of them and keep them quiet, and take them to the loo etc while your own food goes cold. People only step up for the fun stuff like dancing or mucking about. I would send them home early so you can relax and enjoy yourself.

I wouldn't want to wrangle two toddlers at a wedding during the meal either if they could go home. It's not like your husband will be able to help.

You want adults only time ehh?

And the problem with that is?

We had our 1yo and 3yo at a wedding and it was fine. 3yo outlasted us on the dance floor, she was still going at 10:30pm! She had the time of her life. Baby was just asleep in pram for latter part of evening. So not sure I agree with the comments about how awful it’ll be, although depends on your children obviously. It wasn’t a family wedding either, I imagine at one of those there will be plenty of willing hands to entertain and help out.

This exactly.

She wants to have some grown up fun, @PuppyMonkey - how very dare she!

You were lucky they were sat still and quiet for the2 hours of a drawn out meal and speeches

When my oldest was a toddler (maybe 15 months old ) my sister got married.
It was to be a child free wedding , I was ok with that as I knew my MIL would be very happy to look after them on the day and overnight.
However my mum and sister insisted my little toddler was to be there , but only to hand my sister a gift and be in a couple of photos .
Not to be at the wedding ceremony or the reception at all .
I said no , she wouldn’t be there because the round trip for my MIL to the wedding venue was far too long ( 4 hours at least )
We travelled a long way to go to the wedding , stopping over at my MIL’s house and travelling the rest of the journey on the day .
We had a nice time , didn’t drink much or stay up too late as we needed to leave early the next day to travel back to MIL’s to be with our toddler then travel home the next day .
My mum was so angry with me but she’s like that , has ridiculous hair brained ideas that would cause other people ( like my MIL ) massive inconvenience.
I think what you’re planning is a good idea and it’s fortunate your sister is close enough to fetch your little ones

DD2 was mostly in her high chair eating on and off, DD1 was doing some colouring between courses and then DH took her out to run about in the outside bit for 15 mins or so. No long drawn-out speeches thankfully, just a couple of relatively short ones! But they did fine all day, we have no childcare so they’ve come to stuff like this with us all their lives and it’s never been an issue.

Id just be pleased that they are welcome. So many people these days don't want children at weddings.

Do your plan, OP. Small children do not sit still at these type of events. I imagine as well you would like to be able to eat with both hands and maybe have some bubbly without wrestling the glass from sticky hands.

While people may be on hand to help, kids that small usually just want mummy or daddy and will fuss if they can see you but someone else is dealing with them. I would acknowledge the gesture, ‘Really nice to include the children but they at a handful - can’t wait for the day!’ - case closed.

Is it just what his parents want because you also say he said he wants them there?

If you know he’s willing to get involved I think YABU. It’s his family day, let them be happy, it’s only for a short time.

Yep. I agree with this.

It’s too long a day for kids. Send them home after the wedding, the meal will be no less joyous without them. There is no world where I would agree to this.

Can your sister be invited along to help there then? Your DH and his mum needs to be in charge of them during the meal if not

The kids will be there for the ceremony and for the photos. It isn’t a short time for the kids.

I actually think it’s a bit unkind to insist the children stay. The 1 year old will want their nap.

Sorry op I think you're being difficult for the sake of it tbh. It's a family wedding, not a weekly piss up at the pub!

Their family want them there, your husband will be there, relatives will help out. It will be fine.

We took our son to my brother's wedding 2 days before he turned 2- there were no other kids, it was a "fancy" wedding and I was a bit worried tbh. But it was so nice! He was fussed over, he sat through the ceremony nicely (with a small bag of buttons 🤣) he sat for the meal and speeches with the aid of some colouring, figures and me and my mum sat either side of him. Then he had a dance with relatives and some cake before crashing out. We got some brilliant photos of him with all the family, it was ace.

What is the plan for the meal?

Are you sat with DH? Or is he on the top table and you elsewhere? If you and DC are in another table who is with you to help with DC? Are there any aunts or uncles of the DC to sit and help you?

I wouldn't want to be sat alone with DC of those ages at a strange formal event with no support and DH doing something else.

If DH and in-laws can help make it work then keep the kids there longer, if not send them on their way and enjoy your day.

On what planet will you be bathing a child after a wedding. The wedding band won’t even start playing until about 8pm at weddings here. The OP will be giving the DC a chance to be fussed over and then she is blessed to have her sister to come to take them away. The best of both worlds

what a crappy thing to say.