AIBU for taking our young children home before the wedding meal?

The family have said they should be collected for the evening. OP just doesn't want to wrangle them during the meal, and I don't blame her

If everyone is so keen to have them there then id say fine as long as at least 1 of them is sat at top table with dh and grandparents to wrangle between them during the meal.

My two kids went to my sisters wedding and also a good friend’s wedding at roughly that age. They both sat through the ceremony and meal but I took them to nearby babysitter after the meal. I think this was a good compromise. Make sure you have sticker books or colouring books to keep them occupied.

They are being ridiculous and clearly have no idea of the reality of a 1 and 3 year old at a wedding. Your arrangement is perfect. No babies or toddlers actually “need” to be at a wedding. They’ll be in the photos, job done

How much notice did you give them that the kids won't be there? If the wedding is this weekend and they've only just found out then they'll have paid for their meals and their names will be on the seating plan etc.
If you let them know months ago and RSVPd that they won't be there then fine but if you've changed your name last minute I think it's a bit unreasonable

My children were that age at my own wedding, and there were siblings and cousins with children ranging between 6 months and about 8 years old. It was wonderful having all the family kids there (we'd said no to non family children due to room and cost, my husbands best mans babysitter fell through so we squeezed his kids in) I did them a little party bag basically, so they had food/snacks to keep them going before the big meal, plus a little toy - banana, crisps, penguin bar. Everyone got on fine, my cousins were absolutely marvellous watching my 2 year old run around (even changed his nappy!) while the main photos were being taken. It was a wonderful family event and as far as I know everyone had a wonderful time and the kids were a wonderful and memorable addition to the day, yes a bit messy and exhausting, but that's what life is like with kids that age. They also made some wonderful photos!

I think you are being a bit precious, there will loads of people there, immediate family members, that can help out, it's a family event not a parents date night.

Only odd bit though is why do they want them to leave after the meal?

And why can’t she enjoy spending a few hours without her children?

We all know that if the children stay at the wedding it will be @Emma198800 who is running around after them, making sure they don’t trip up the servers , pull the flower arrangements and table settings to bits,shout out during the speeches, spill juice over someone’s expensive wedding outfit, then finding them something they like to eat, eating her own meal with one child on her lap while helping the other, carrying around the nappy bag, keeping them entertained with no other resources than some paper napkins and some wedding favours. It will be @Emma198800 who is on the end of the snide remarks and dirty looks from people who her children are annoying, she will be the default bad parent. Her OH will be off with the wedding party, enjoying being best man while poor Emma is playing nanny in an expensive outfit that isn’t being improved by sticky finger marks.

Heaven forbid that she should actually expect to enjoy the wedding having got herself ready, wrestled two kids into new clothes , made her way to the wedding venue, kept the kids quiet during the ceremony, kept them happy during the long boring photo sessions!

No, now she has to gird up her loins and deal with the rest of the day, starting with the realisation that no one has thought to provide a high chair for the baby…….

Sorry but I do think it’s a bit of a shame for the rest of the family not to be able to get to interact with them over the meal and for the kids to leave without the most fun bit. No sitting on granny’s knee, chatting to relatives, eating fun food, hiding under the table, being fussed by extended family. And yes I know this is absolutely exhausting for you but they are young for a relatively short time and it’s good for kids to start to be part of large occasions like this at a young age- it helps them socialise, get used to interacting with people and see lots of people who love them/ eachother. And sometimes these occasions are the only chance some people get to see them- plus you know it’s DH’s preference. You could always take them outside to play for the speeches and isn’t there likely to be a bit of a nap for both of them. Could you not leave after the meal and have the evening then to yourself?

I think it's unreasonable to expect your husband to always put you first. In most situations yes, but in the case of a rare and special event like a family wedding I think it's reasonable to prioritise their wishes.

I also agree that this isn’t about you- sorry. It’s DH’s side of the family, his family want to see the kids and he wants the kids there. I do think it’s kind of one of those occasions where you have to let him decide, accept help (and make him help as much as is feasible), and then have some time for yourself another time (maybe the renowned Mumsnet spa a few weeks after!!).

YANBU. No doubt your DH will be at the top table if he's best man and giving a speech, which will leave you trying to mind and feed two very young children on your own. Your own meal will be cold before you get to it, if you even get to it. Then you have to keep them quiet and occupied during the speeches. The DC will be there for the ceremony, and can be seen by relatives during the photo session (which often goes on forever). I'd think by then the DC will be getting grumpy and restless so a good time for them to make an exit before the meal.

Yes, let's absolutely shame the parent who would love an evening off. How very dare she 🤣🤣

It's a family event and the kids are family, so I'd keep them there. Get them picked up in time for bed and you can relax in the evening. Tbh I usually find the ceremony is the stressful bit for keeping them quiet, far more opportunities for them to chat and get up and walk about between courses during the meal.

Ridiculous comment. Children that young won’t really enjoy a wedding and will likely be hard work and disruptive. Parents can do things without their children you know. It doesn’t mean they hate them

Normally it's the other way round, no children!
Your kids, you do what you see fit. Why on earth does their uncle get to dictate? They are very young, it's likely will get overwhelmed and tired isn't it? That's no fun for anyone.

I would meet half way, let them stay for the meal sitting on the aunts table.
It depends on the children, when mine were that young they wouldn’t have sat through a wedding party quietly.
I love children at weddings, not dozens but close families little ones. I have great memories as a DC going to family weddings.

OMFG, have you ever tried to keep a 1 and 3 year old sat, fairly quietly at a table, during someone else's event? While also trying to eat and while people want to put champagne glasses down within reach? You can't walk around because there's serving staff and you've got to give respect to the top table.

I’d have discussed the plans with DH rather than making a unilateral decision. Why’s it solely up to you?

Who says she doesn't? Isn't she allowed to eat a meal or attend an event without the ?

YANBU at all, as you will be looking after them. Your DH will be busy with his family, his best man duties. It's your call.

Just tell your husband as long as he remembers he’s a dad first and best man second that they can stay longer at the wedding as long as he takes responsibility for one of them whilst you have the other.

I eusally got grumpy and restless by the time the pictures are done at weddings so I can't imagine 2 small kids not doing so

I agree. Bit of main character energy going on.

All the promises will fall to the side. No one will give a toss by dinner. You’ll be left looking after them trying to eat your dinner. They’re there for the photos, it’s enough. Enjoy your meal.

You keep saying that you want to enjoy it... Does that mean get drunk? Surely you'd want your kids at a family event where they'll get to spend time with family? Your husband very likely WANTS his kids there too.
If bride and groom have asked them to be there then yes, that trumps you wanting to enjoy yourself.