AIBU for taking our young children home before the wedding meal?

normally id say ‘tell them they must look after the kids’. But you know they wouldn’t and you’d not be able to make a fuss. Send them home! Kids that age are so difficult in restaurants, let alone at a weddin!

It's his side of the family, so his call. It's not exactly a regular event.

I would say YANBU at all.

No way would my kids sit through a long meal and speeches.

Also I have been to 2 weddings where the speeches were ruined by little kids screaming and running about.

Is your BIL going to pay for a nanny to look after them during the meal? If not, he can get stuffed.

If you have an option of having the kids minded I’d jump at it! They will have been at the wedding, those that want to see them can do so then they can go with their aunt and you can relax. I take it your Dh won’t be running after them or feeding them as he’ll be busy doing bed man duties.

It’s his wedding day and they’d love for their nieces and nephews to be a part of that day. Yes it’ll be difficult for you to manage a 1&3 year old but it’s not for long. Most people are the opposite and don’t want kids so I think it’s lovely they want it ybut be a family affair. Enjoying your day is kind of secondary to the bride and groom. Plus they would have paid for food and seating plans etc. kids love running around at weddings.

Tell them you are doing because it's better for them. That its likely that the kids will make a row/mess as they are little and potentially spoil the meal

Are they going to be the ones running around after screeching toddlers who can’t sit still for the hours of wedding feast and speeches ? No? Then they get zero say. Yanbu.

FFS of course it’s better that kids that young can be taken home before a long boring dinner and speeches if you have that option.

You say “I just want to be able to enjoy my day too” - rather than “we” want to. Would you husband leave all the childcare to you, leaving you unable to enjoy your meal at all? I think keeping children at a wedding meal only works if at the very least both parents are fully sharing looking after them, but better if the whole family are taking part and passing them round etc

I would have done what the wedding couple want. My nephew was 2.5 at my wedding. He was meant to be picked up before dinner but his dad didn’t turn up (🙄) and he was fine. The life of the party in fact.

My DGC loved being at a family wedding - being fussed over by extended family and older cousins to play with.

In this instance as its a big family event, I would keep them there and ensure there are some grandparents, aunties, uncles and the like who can keep an eye for a time.

Why don't you enjoy spending time with your own children?

It's not your wedding, surely the enjoyment of the bride and groom trumps your enjoyment?
ETA I'd want my nephew at my wedding more than I'd want my SIL there, if my SIL did this I'd be tempted to tell her to not bother coming as her invite was based on her being the mother of my nephew.

I don't blame you at all. Even having my older children at a wedding was a fucking nightmare. There were four tiny bridesmaids including my two, aged 4 to 8.

There was zero entertainment or childcare provided, so it was painful. If you have a childcare option, take it.

I would personally keep them there. I've done the same with DH being best man, it's not a relaxing day but that's just how some things are. Make sure they sit you near family members that will actually be helpful.

How much will a 1 and 3yo enjoy speeches and a long meal.

One wedding I went to we had a family with young children on our table (we didn't know them). Children had a kid's meal which was served even before our meal had arrived. They had finished their meal before our food arrived The parents had to then tag team during the whole of the meal and speeches, whilst the DC played outside. Maybe OP wants to enjoy a meal without having to look after young DC, which I assume is probably a rare event for her.

A friend I was sitting with had left her DC at home with GPs (I was childfree then). She said she was so grateful she had done that and was able to relax and enjoy the meal etc.

I think you are being unreasonable. It’s a family occasion and your kids are part of the family. So many people post on here complaining that their kids are not invited to weddings!
Presumably the whole of your DH’s family will be there to help with looking after them. The kids will have a great time and so will you.

Aww let them stay, everyone wants them there and they’ll have a great time getting all that attention, skidding around on the dance floor etc.

But its not your day and from what you say there are many there that will help out, inc your bil. The fact your husband wants them there should sway it completely, its his family.

So it’s all about you and how you want to spend the evening?
You want adults only time ehh?

I think your view on it is a bit odd, it’s not your wedding or family event, it’s your husbands family so in this case their needs and wants would obviously come first unless very unreasonable.

Well not really. Why should he put what you want above what his parents, the extended family, the bride and groom, likely the kids themselves, and what it sounds like what he himself wants?

If it was a friend's wedding I'd be all for leaving them at home and letting my hair down but its a family wedding.

Its not even as if anyone is suggesting they'll stay all night, you'll still have plenty of time to do your own thing.

Also its very late to suddenly be saying they wont stay for food when it will all be paid for! They could have invited other friends if they'd known your kids wouldnt be staying.

Would your sister be willing ti hang around and take them outside (if there's a garden or hotel room or anything) if they get bored during the speeches to run around/watch tv. Then they can come back for half an hour, and say bye to everyone. Win for her as well as she'll have them for less time on here own and they'll likely be a bit more tired out.

As best man I assume DH won't be anywhere near the DC during the meal, if there is a top table. It's not like OP is saying the children won't be there at all, just for part of it, before the alcohol starts flowing, and it looks like the family don't want the children there for the whole thing as they were going to be collected after the meal. so no skidding on the dance floor. How many 3 years enjoy a 2 to 3 hour meal and grown up chat.