Am I being stupid and potentially leaving myself in a vulnerable position?

For rental property my understanding is that buy-to-let mortgages look at the property's income, not the individual's (your) income. I'd speak to a mortgage broker for advice.

I haven't rtft but I'm a little confused here as I think if the sexes were reversed the answers would be much different. He has a house paid off, you are not married. You split bills equally but he is not charging you rent. He is not asking you to cover all the bills, so therefore you are better off than if you were paying a mortgage or rent elsewhere. You moved in quickly as it suited you at the time. You still have savings that he is not asking for. You are worried about finances in because you are not working full time. If the roles were reversed the hoardes on here would be screaming 'cocklodger' and telling you to protect your assets.

I do think he's wrong to object to you buying a property or spending your money as you see fit and yes, it would be nice if he would understand that you would like some home improvements but ultimately it is his house and you have benefitted financially by moving in. He is under no compulsion to get you on the deeds, the house was paid in full before you moved in and you are not married.

You need to take responsibility for yourself if this arrangement is making you unhappy. Move into your own property and pay the rent/mortgage yourself. If you feel the relationship is not giving you what you need, end it.

The OP hasn't posted since the early hours of the 16th. I'm not even sure if she's still following the thread.

Oh my goodness! Why should this man make a will in favour of his girlfriend of 4.5 years? He has children.

OP says she contributes 50% to ‘his’ bills, but fails to understand they are her bills too, as she lives there too.

She had her own property (maybe with a mortgage.) She sold it, gave up her job, moved in with her boyfriend and doesn’t pay anything towards his property at all. She pays 50% for consumables that she uses herself.

She now has no mortgage or rent. Had she not effectively given up work regular in her 40s, she would have been able to amass considerable savings if she’d worked consistently in her well paid job, because he is generously providing housing for free! It does just seem that she’s expected to be kept by this man even though he’s given her absolutely no indication this was his intention. I am from the same generation and it was never mine or my friends understanding that a man would keep us - she is not 80 years old!

Massive mistake selling her home, but I guess she had to do this as she gave up her job and tried to mooch of her new boyfriend instead. He’s having none of it and is protecting his asset for his children.

Sorry OP, I know it sounds harsh, but sort yourself out and don’t expect your boyfriend to give you more than he already has.

I don’t doubt that he’s been down this road of marriage and divorce before and has taken advice to protect his dependent children from your desire to avail them of any security themselves and possibly some inheritance that may be left when he dies. Create your own security, by getting a normal, minimum wage job if necessary and saving, renting out etc.

Him providing for your future security at the expense of his still dependent children is not a measure of whether he is a good man or not and I’m really surprised by the attitude of most PPs on here, who must be very elderly and hold very traditional values of women being in the home and financially provided for by men. In fact, him jettisoning his dependent children in favour of his current girlfriend would be awful and presumably frowned upon here? They have not been married for 30 years. They do not share children. She has not sacrificed her career to look after his children. She has her own assets that she is not sharing with him. Presumably, she has made a will gifting her assets/estate to him? Does she plan to give him some of her savings if they split up? He has considered her future security and has said she will be fine, because she has savings. He obviously thinks it’s enough for her to restart if the relationship ends or he dies.

Op your are paying half bills but you didn't mention mortgage or rent so I assume your saving a little there ?

Does he have autism or some communication issues ?

Mould is so bad you need to at least sort the mould.

Op he and many men don't simply because they don't have too.

Why should he ?.he can still have you and his money etc.

Sometimes going hard ball is needed....

This is not the loving caring man you imagine him to be. He is treating you like a lodger with mo interest in your future security. Dump him.

Why should he?

He has let her live there for FREE for FIVE YEARS

At what point do you think @GreatPlumBiscuit should take responsibility for her own actions?

That's just compounding what I said. She should leave & make her own life. He'll find another mug in no time.

That's why it's important to read all of the OP's updates before posting scathing replies, but very few people do . I also think that drip feeding and not posting very important facts is mostly intentional 😕 there, I said it.

Well, no I doubt she'll be back as, after her last update indicating he has children, the tone of the responses changed and people started challenging her expectations.

Very intentional to not mention his children from the jump.

How is she a mug??

If anything, he's the mug being scammed out of rent for the last 5 years...

How can you say he is the one in the wrong here, when he has dependent children?

She is definitely a ‘mug’ for not realising that she is responsible for her adult self, which she seems to have accepted in the past, after leaving her marriage.

She is a lodger, pretty much, except that she doesn’t pay rent! She’s had 4.5 years to get her shit together, heavily subsidised by him.

The money she has saved in rent payments over the last 4.5 years should be more than enough to sort out the mold. She should offer to sign a declaration - as a previous poster suggested - advising that she will claim no share of his children’s estate in the event of him dying or them splitting up.

She wants prior claim over his property to his children! Surely you can see this isn’t right.

She’s paid NOTHING!

She is his girlfriend.

He ‘rescued’ her almost as soon as they met, and she chose to give up her job and get rid of her mortgage. She’d been waiting for a mug like him! She perhaps thought he was a push over, but it turns out he has his children’s interests at heart.

Him not giving her his children’s future estate is absolutely no reason to leave this generous man.

Please try and look at the situation in reverse. Would you expect a woman with dependent children to give her newish boyfriend a share of her house, at the expense of her children? Of course you wouldn’t!

It is not his job to provide financial security for her. She has savings and is capable of working.

He is looking out for his own family. She should focus on doing the same and enjoy his company in later life if she chooses. They are not building financial security and a life together. He’s built his already.

Bravo 🙌

Hope you're ok OP.

You must be gutted, but you're lucky it's 5 years and not 10/20. Now is the time to make changes.

It's not like you need to leave today. You need to find work - any work that is going to cover your monthly costs and stop you dipping into savings every month.

Can you do any hours? Do you have any other responsibilities that make working difficult (e.g. looking after his kids)?

Great advice. OP please...take note. You are not living your true self.