MIL ignoring DS allergies

Yes please get piriton syrup and EpiPens for home and school.

I think all schools now need to have epi pens.

There was a huge campaign after poor Benedict Blythe.

Your H is unbelievable, but if you leave him, would you trust him to keep your son safe when it was his turn to have him?

Talk about kicking someone when they’re down!

Really? People have thanked you for derailing OP's thread?

Please get this recorded somehow. The verbal abuse, the risky behaviour, all of it. Abusing you in front of the child is also abusing the child.

I would start with your safeguarding lead at the school and also try an org like Women’s Aid for advice.

Come now, you know people often click “thanks” as a way of agreeing with the poster’s point. Maybe it’s not happened to you quite so often, wonder why 🤔

I'm familiar with the thank you button. But I think most people would prefer to get back to OP's question, not continued side debates on why the DH was in his DM's bedroom.
But perhaps I am being harsh. It's just a reaction to seeing so many threads recently where a small detail that's not all that relevant to the OPs issue takes on a life of its own.

I’ll try to explain while we all living with peanut allergy freak out at the sight of peanuts:

Peanut allergy is a killer, every single exposure will make the next reaction much worse. It is like playing baseball, each exposure is a strike and eventually you can be sent out, when you get the quick reaction that doesn’t allow you to reach for the EpiPen. People who are experiencing an anaphilaxis reaction cannot breath and can die within minutes.

You can react if you eat peanut, if you touch it or if you breath airborne particles of it (like the ones that fly away when someone opens a pack of peanuts) Not everyone reacts in these 3 ways but each exposure may take you onto the next level. My son has had a serious reaction just by someone touching him after touching peanuts. I have heard from another parent whose child had a reaction by touching a handle in a climbing frame in a park.

If you eat peanuts at home, there are particles everywhere, if you wash the crockery that held them the sponge is contaminated. If you fry them, the peanut protein adheres to the pan (nut protein also becomes more allergenic when exposed to heat).

It can be quite extreme in some cases but I would like to reassure you that most people allergic to peanuts are NOT that sensitive at all but… it is all about the strikes, any mistake increases the level of the next reaction, that’s why you should never have them where peanut allergic people lives.

Get the nuts binned immediately - you don't need permission from strangers on the internet to protect your child.

Then I would personally kick the MIL out and tell my partner he can have supervised visitation only with his son from now on until I am confident he understands what he has to do to protect his child.

So you’re saying he’s only allowed to be in there for your 2 given scenario’s? No others? And then if it’s not either of those things, it must be something weird? 🧐 okaaay…. There are no blurred, worrying boundaries here.

Hahaha you’re not teaching basic English here at all, I can assure you 😉

We've been on a flight where it was announced that there was someone with a severe nut allergy on board so no nut products would be sold.

It also meant our peanut butter sandwiches, for the flight, stayed wrapped up and in our bags.

No worries - we've a bar of chocolate - until we got it out and found it was a nut one.

But no eating for a couple of hours isn't the worst thing in the world.

(Vegan and so no other in flight food suitable - past experience has shown they are crap for vegan food - hence the sandwiches.)

I have popped back in to suggest you report these events to the school. They might be able to help you get the help you need to leave and keep your kid safe. They are mandatory reporters after all.

This is abuse.

Financial means or not, you need to leave.

I think you need some kind of written proof to DH & MILs lack of care about DSs allergies because if you leave him and he gets any custody you can’t do anything about DS being alone with them. Getting proof now even texts where you express concern about their reaction and attitude to DSs life threatening condition, so it can be used to show the risks of leaving DS with them alone.

Hi OP, how are you getting on? How is the situation?

What a selfish set of cunts and I’d be telling them that to their face too, husband would get spineless selfish cunt. In what world does your child’s health not come before your mummy’s want to eat nuts. The people that can’t bear an hours plane journey without a bag of nuts to protect a stranger blow my mind but these 2 idiots are something else fucking nuts over their own flesh and blood.

Do you think he was genuine when he was trying to explain himself? I am not making excuses for him, I am only asking as I know sometimes people do get overwhelmed (I recently made few daft mistakes where I was wondering what is wrong with me).
Did he apologise for his reaction? Did he refer to his mums behaviour?

I mean this with kindness but you've been told repeatedly that these people are a danger to your child and given suggestions on how to improve things but chosen to do absolutely nothing about it. What the hell are you thinking?

He watched his son unable to breathe, fighting for his life, anaphylaxis, epi pen … you don’t go through that and forget you can’t have nuts in the house! Sorry, but you just don’t.

The dosage varies massively for a five year old and an 11 year old. OP best check with school and pharmacist.

Your update makes the whole situation even worse. How dare your MIL make veiled threats and give you the silent treatment.

She should be challenged and it should be her son doing it but of course he won't. Next time she says anything, challenge her. Remind her she was there when your son had his attack. Ask her why she is so selfish and tell her that she clearly doesn't care about your son's health or welfare.or the fact if his allergy isn't properly managed he could die. I would also be tempted to mutter, maybe that's what you want, but probably wouldn't.

Your husband is supporting his mother before his wife and son. How in the hell having watched his son struggle to breathe could he forget about the nuts. He's pathetic and both of them together are dangerous and cannot be trusted around your son. I know it sounds dramatic but I would have grave concerns about either of them being around my son and they certainly wouldn't be left alone with him. If the episode had happened years ago there may be some justification for a lapse of memory but not while it's all fresh and raw.

I would seriously be considering getting away from both of them as you will never trust them or have a moments peace. Keep a record of everything that has happened to date, the initial episode, their reactions, the nuts and their responses, the mutterings and your husband's forgetfulness. It may all be useful in the future. Will your husband be accompanying you both to appointments? Hopefully yes and you should tell the medical team about the nuts episode while he is with you. Don't hold back. Wishing you and your son lots of luck.

Sorry this is happening to you and your DS.

I hope you get a chance to report their attitude to the Gp and health visitor so that its on record. I hope your son's tests go well for him.